Need Quickdraw comebacks for Repuke Convention line-up...

[Ripley]

A friend received this email and he's asking for some great comebacks to rival it...even tho it is lame!


Tonights Democratic Convention Schedule

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag-burning ceremony.
6:00 p.m. - Opening secular prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al
Sharpton
6:30 P.M. - Anti-war concert by Barbara Streisand.
6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to France.
7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25 p.m. - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples)
9:30.p.m. - Intermission
10:00.p.m. - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20.p.m. - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg'
10:30 p.m. - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00 p.m. - Multiple marriage ceremony: threesomes, mixed, and same-sex.
11:15 p.m. - "Maximizing Welfare" workshop.
11:30 p.m. - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00 p.m. - Nomination of democratic candidate.

Any chance we could get Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home from the
convention?

Are these guys stuck in the past or what?

[MissB]

1. meh.

Our version has been posted here quite a few times. A search should produce it.

[blm]

2. Tell em to enjoy the GOP convention featuring Kerry Catholics in the prime

time schedule - Schwarzenegger, Pataki and Giuliani are all the same type of Catholic Kerry is, prochoice and progay. Wonder if any of the Republicans will notice the hypocrisy?

[ibemee]

3. Complaint re: K & E "voted against the 87 Million for Iraq:

WHY in the devil hasn't ANY DEMOCRAT countered that charge with the fact that OUT of that 87 Million, they SECRETLY GAVE 8.7 Million TO JEB BUSH IN FLORIDA, TO SUPPRESS THAT PROTEST OVER THE WORLD TRADE AGREEMENT?????? Anybody remember that huge protest which was squelshed, Nazi-SS Style, with Homeland Security, Nat'l Guard, Police, FBI, CIA, coast guard and every other Law Enforcement agency --- and how they crushed the protest... (even pushed elderly people down) ...etc etc etc...
WHY don't they mention that "little" fact????????? which IN MY OPINION, would make voting AGAINST that 87 Million "for IRAQ" the absolutely right thing to do!! MOST Americans have never heard about that 8.7 M that went to Bubba-Jeb.

I am constantly amazed by the Democrat's unimaginative, non-creative and DULL thinking.... The Repubs are EXPERTS at campaigning because they know how to use psychology. They also know that by telling lies --- big enough and often enough, it doesn't even matter if the lies are disproved, because they lie has been efficiently IMPLANTED in the public mind.
If you doubt that, just think back to the sucessful job Gingrich/Starr/Lott et al did on Clinton. If Dems tried to pull off that kind of BS, they'd be tarred & feathered...
STILL the Dems plod on using all the same ole same ole unchanging "tactics" and the same old dull, deadhead speeches and NoNewThink.
I've worked in several campaigns and I think one of the most harmful aspects is the way the Campaign Managers are so jealous of their "positions" that they focus on their OWN theory and refuse to let anyone "else's" ideas be considered. Too damned bad.

[southernleftylady]

4. here you go

Republican National Convention Schedule

New York, NY

6:00 PM Opening Prayer, led by the Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM Pledge of Allegiance
6:35 PM Burning of Bill of Rights (excluding 2nd amendment)
6:45 PM Salute to the Coalition of the Willing (dont get too comfortable it wont last long )
6:46 PM Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM First Presidential Beer Bong
7:35 PM Serve Freedom Fries
7:40 PM EPA Address #1: Mercury, it's what's for dinner
8:00 PM Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM John Ashcroft Lecture: The Homos are after your children
8:30 PM Roundtable discussion on reproductive rights (MEN only)
8:50 PM Seminar #2: Corporations: the government of the future
9:05 PM Second Presidential Beer Bong
9:10 PM EPA Address #2 Trees: the real cause of forest fires
9:30 PM Break for secret meetings
10:00 PM Second prayer, led by Cal Thomas
10:15 PM Lecture by Karl Rove: Doublespeak made easy
10:30 PM Rumsfeld demonstration: How to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM Bush demonstration of trademark deer-in-headlights stare
10:40 PM John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory Kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM Third Presidential Beer Bong
10:50 PM Seminar #3: Education: a drain on our nation's economy
11:10 PM Hilary Clinton Pinata
11:20 PM Second John Ashcroft Lecture: Evolutionists: the dangerous new cult
11:30 PM Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM Blame Clinton
11:40 PM Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM Closing Prayer, led by Jesus Himself
12:00 AM Nomination of George W. Bush as Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord
__________________

[sablescort]

6. it's ...

absolutely fab-cheneying-lous!

Now I can throw this one at the repugs!

[Ripley]

8. Many thanks...

Repukes will appreciate this...says the friend...

He says it will be distributed far and wide!

[LiberalTechie1337]

5. hows this

Republican National Convention

6:00 Flag Ceremony, using flag hoisted above Ground Zero on September 11
6:05 Opening Prayer by Jerry Falwell, condemning the gay-rights and pro-choice crowd for causing 9/11
6:30 Kool-Aid break
6:45 Emotional video showing footage of the September 11 attacks
7:00 Speech by Rudy Guiliani, on his leadership during 9/11
7:30 Crack break
7:45 Worship time of Ronald "Dubya" Reagan memorial statue, dedicated to the terrorist who caused 9/11 and were supported by Mr Reagan
8:00 Speech by Sen. Trent Lott, on the tragedy of minority rights
8:30 Kool-Aid break
8:45 Speech by Gov. Ahnuld, on the evil girly men who want equal rights for homosexuals
9:30 Mass burning of Dixie Chicks CDs and merchandise
10:00 Speech by Sen. Zell Miller, on why the Democrats are idiots and don't care about 9/11
10:30 Remember 9/11
10:45 Mass shredding of Republicans' police records
11:00 Tribute to 9/11, courtesy of Faux News Channel
11:15 "Free Kenny-Boy" rally
11:45 Mud-slinging contest
12:00 Nomination of Republican candidates

Click here to go back to the main forums.

[jimshoes]

7. My submission

Tonights Republican Convention Schedule

6:00 p.m. - Unveiling of the new USA flag with Halliburton logo.
6:00 p.m. - Opening Prayer and witch burning
6:30 P.M. - tom delay announces a new and improved axis of evil
including Mexico and Canada..
6:40 p.m. - Complimentary Oxycontins are passed out to all hung over conventioneers
7:00 p.m. - John Ashcroft sings Let the Eagle soar
7:10 p.m. - Tribute to Saint Ronnie
7:25 p.m. - Another Tribute to Saint Ronnie.
7:45 p.m. - Short movie on how money is printed
8:25 p.m. - Video of Abu Ghraib (A Model Prison)
8:30 p.m. - Dick Cheney “On Senate Floor Ettiquet”
9:00 p.m. - Rick Santorum “Why Sara Can’t Have Two Mommies”.
9:30.p.m. - Intermission
10:00.p.m. - Trent Lott “Hitler wasn’t all that bad.”
10:10 p.m. - George Bush TANG buddy (Had to cancel due to health reasons).
10:20.p.m. - Ceremonial Recovering of Lady Justice.
10:30 p.m. - Lee Greenwood sings God Bless the USA.
10:40 p.m. - Selected readings from the USA PATRIOT Act.
10:50 p.m. - Ceremonial shredding of the Bill Of Rights.
11:00 p.m. - Why the Pill is OK but Stem Cell Research is bad.
11:15 p.m. - Stealing the Social Security Trust Fund.
11:30 p.m. - Stealing the Treasury.
11:59 p.m. - George Bush wakes from his nap.
12:00 p.m. - George Bush takes his meds and stumbles through his speech.