What would you say to Alan Keyes?

[renoray]

My friend back in Chicago saw Alan Keyes on the street today, but he choked. As I don't live in IL anymore I haven't followed the . The only thing I probably would have come up with on-the-spot would be something like "If you had it to do all over again, would you have jumped into the mosh pit?" Obviously there is a better thing to say, and everyone should have an Alan Keyes quip at their disposal, because you never know... Here is what my friend had to say:

SUBJECT:I SAW ALAN KEYES TODAY!
No, I didn't attend one of his speeches with stars in
my eyes; I saw him standing outside WTTW (pbs
studios-next door to my school) on St. Louis Ave.
talking to a two fifty-somethings. There was no
visible security, so I guess I could have approached
him, but I couldn't think of anything on the fly and
I, tragically, wasn't armed with a shaving cream pie.
He was taller than I imagined, which I guess makes it
easier to talk to God. OK. So I blew my big chance to
cause trouble. The game I'd like to play is "What
should Michael have said to Alan Keyes?" My first
hunch is to say "Quick! Tell me your address," the
intent to see if he actually knows where he "lives."
You guys can do better, I'm sure.

[Spiffarino]

1. Why did you stop taking your lithium?

You know how you get.

[TlalocW]

2. I would ask him if

Duck Dodgers stealing his Uranium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator made him angry... very angry indeed.

TlalocW

[ugarte]

3. Am I going to Heaven?

Alan has a hot line to God.

[TahitiNut]

4. "I'll take French fries with that."

:shrug:

[KeepItReal]

13. That is a good one!!

:-)

[jumpstart33]

5. Sorry, but I wouldn't even speak to Alan Keyes.

I don't speak to people i don't like.

[dietdpfan]

6. Why are you such a prick?

Would that be harsh?

[camero]

7. I would say

"What's the matter? Didn't they want you in MD?" Ha

[Character Assassin]

8. Good day, Mr. Keyes.

Why would anyone say anything else, except perhaps those with a terminal chip on their shoulder?

I, tragically, wasn't armed with a shaving cream pie.

Somehow, I pray, the Union will press on, despite this tragedy of circumstance.

[onenote]

9. Bye-Bye n/t

[NightTrain]

10. "Are you a complete fucking moron?"

Sorry, but subtlety is not one of my strong points! :evilgrin:

[murielm99]

11. I would just laugh and walk by.

I would not say anything to him at all.

He drops lower in the polls every time he opens his mouth. I don't have to say anything to him, because it is not worth the effort.

All eyes should be on Illinois' imploding repukes. All non-Illinoisans should be taking a look at the repuke circus here, and praying that it will happen nationwide.

[Swamp Rat]

12. You have failed your mission! The mothership is here to pick you up!

Prepare to be assimilated!

[REP]

14. "Sorry, I Don't Have Any Change"

[Michael Harrington]

15. "Congratulations...

...you're smarter than J.C. Watts. Oh, and get some K-Y before election day...you'll need it for Obama's foot."

[mopaul]

16. why does your lesbian daughter hate you so?

she has a blog, and she says she can't stand her dad and his politics. no wonder she's a rebel. you go girl

[yankeedem]

17. "Why do you hate us for our freedom?"

nt

[DebJ]

18. I'd ignore him like the rest of the electorate there!

[ProfessorGAC]

19. Why Do You Hate America, Alan?

That's what i've taken to asking any conservative. Then, if they don't completely step on their own tongue, and ask what i mean, i go through a litany of conservative complaints. The one that always stumps them is "You obviously hate the military. You support a president that has cut more veterans benefits, things we PROMISED these guys when they served, than any other president. You questioned the integrity and competence of the Navy when you besmirched Kerry's medals. So, why do you hate the military."

I have a whole list of those and that's what i would ask Alan Keyes. Nothing nasty. Just setting a logic trap from which there is no escape. Forces them to admit that they are either clueless about the big picture or that they are conservatives because they are selfish and small.
The Professor

[ComerPerro]

20. "How do you like Illinois and the midwest? Have you been to the Sears Towe

Sears Tower?"

I think people who interview him should ask him questions like that, to imply that he is a tourist.

Because, lets face it. The man does not represent Illinois, he is not from here, he will never be one of us, and he is a pathetic, carpetbagging fraud.