"PTSD and my homecoming" (must read -- seriously)

[Qanisqineq]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2004/11/23/95414/024
also found at: http://www.veteransforcommonsense.org/NewsArticle.cfm?ID=2432

I can't even imagine what this soldier went through. This is a very long but moving story about one soldier's feelings after returning from Iraq. The paragraphs I've included don't do the story justice. I have a husband that served in Iraq and he (thankfully) was in a fairly "quiet" place (at that time). Some days I wonder what goes through his mind.

<snip>

I've been a Kossack for only a short time, but I think I have a unique perspective. I've seen a lot of talk about Iraq on this site. I keep seeing the phrase "war criminal" over and over, and it hurts me deeply. So, I wrote this diary to give you all some perspective. I am hoping that you understand who you are pointing a finger at, and the emotional impact.

I got back from Iraq last fall. I had been called back to active duty from the reserves right after Sept 11th, and I had been gone more or less ever since. I spent the first year supporting other operations, but I was sent to Kuwait in early 2003 as part of the buildup for Iraq. We crossed the "berm" into Iraq three days behind the main invasion force, and my team moved around throughout the country for the next several months. The ambush that I described above happened towards the end of my deployment. My wounds were superficial, and I now only bear faint scars.

<snip>

When I was in Iraq, I was the token liberal officer. At the time, I believed in what we were doing even though I didn't like President Bush. I thought we were right as a nation despite who our leadership was, and I was angry with the war protesters. But, I would still argue other liberal points of view. One night, a senior officer who was very conservative, but whom I deeply respect told me this: "You know they hate you, don't you? You are a smart talented warrior. You are among the finest of your generation, but they cannot accept that the world needs men like you. They hate you and everything you stand for."

I disagreed with him, but as I drove deeper into "blue" territory; I was beginning to think he was right.

<snip>

I'd like to say that I'm not angry anymore, but it would be a lie. I am deeply pissed off at over 50 million of my fellow countrymen, and despite what John Kerry says, I can't forgive and forget. I don't care about healing. I want a reckoning, and I want my party to deliver.


I know this is 5 paragraphs, but the one is only a sentence long... do I need to cut it? There is sooo much more to this story, please read.

[Qanisqineq]

1. kick

because it actually is a "must read". Also, it got buried under a troll's lunatic posting this evening.

:kick:

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. Incredible read

the part that really got to me was the frat boy,

"bout time we killed more raggies?"

We, kemosabe? WE????????????

Beforem my husband deployed for IF1 we went to listen to a comedian, and he said that... my husband has been in combat before, I have been in combat myself... yes he was angry and so was I...

You have no idea... it is my husband who does it, but it is the frat boys who use the WE....

I know hodges "War a Force the Gives us Meaning" explains this, but shit... it is not WE kemosabe... I have never killed, I was a medic the idiot draging them out (in another country another war the war on drugs), but I know my husband has... he is far more open than most.

THat is why that tonight's Malloy show will cause some nightmares, I guarantee it...

[Qanisqineq]

3. I missed tonight's Malloy show

What was it about?

I can't imagine what it was like for you to treat all those wounded in war and watch so many die. My husband didn't kill anyone but he was with people that did. That's what he says and I believe him because I know him well enough to know it would noticeably affect him. Like I said, he was in a fairly quiet area of Iraq (I hope the next time he goes someplace safe, too). But I do wonder how the constant sound of gunfire and mortars and seeing people die (luckily not many) has affected him. He doesn't want to hear about how things are going in Iraq. He asks what the body count is for soldiers every once in a while and when he heard about the estimate of Iraqi dead he simply said, "that's a conservative estimate". I worried about how he would feel about my attending anti-war rallies. I was afraid he would feel much the same way the author of that post did but my husband was very positive about it.

I just realized the date on this posting was Nov. 23rd and may have been posted here at DU already. I was in the hospital and on good pain medication last week so missed a bunch. Even if it was already posted, I believe it is worth posting again for any that may have missed it.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. He talked about the ICRC report on the NYT

the one that makes AbuGhraib look like a walk in the park...

And how that is now our responsibity, he also talked about our use of Napalm at Falluhah

I worked at one time as a Red Cross Medic anad I did fill some of them reports that went from the national society, through channels, to Geneva... I know that whatever is in the public report that the Times talked about, pales in comparison with the Internal Reports

We now live the true paradox, we are moral people living in a very amoral society...

Oh and tell your husband, WELCOME HOME SOLDIER. I know many will not tell this to our Warriors, in particular our ... freepers.

One thing I understood from this Warrior (The blog) was that he felt kicked in the gut becasue of the peace signs... and partly this is becuase some folks forget it is not the fault of the troops, but the men who order them. His neighboors were very callous never checking on the wife... and treating him partly as a stranger. Well that is us, and many folks need to get over it.

Oh yes individual troops are responsble and must face the music... Sergeant Chip Fredericks comes to mind, as well as the Marine at Fallujah, but this is happening because of the roll down effect in the miltiary. Your husband knows the old saying, and it applies, shit rolls down hill.

On edit, my hubby stays informed on the war, but he also has now retired, after 20 in the USN... (He saw direct action in Grenada, and GF 1), and he does not miind I go to the rallys... he is very suportive he knows I am doing what I can to defend this country... just in a different way

[elepet]

4. thank you, thank you

for that link. Incredibly beautiful and moving.

[Qanisqineq]

6. I will kick this 100x if I have to!

I will! I know it is late and not many people are reading DU, but this piece has moved me more than I've been moved in a long time and I don't want it to get buried.

[Qanisqineq]

7. KICK!!!!!!!

[Qanisqineq]

8. kick #4

[hollowdweller]

9. "If there is to be an anti-war movement, it should be Middle Americans

He really has a point there. It is so easy for the right to marginalize the opinion of anyone they think is a protest junkie or "not in the mainstream" I have seen it here in WV in some of the Mountaintop Removal arguments. Massey Energy likes to say environmenal protesters are "earth firsters" or "environmental extremeists" to marginalize them, rather than just some Joe who wants clean water and hates rocks blasted into his yard. Also they often cast spokespersons as "not being from here" even though they have lived and worked in the state for 20, or 25 years.

To protest is important, but in these days of right wing spinmeisters it is almost as important how these protesters are perceived.

[Qanisqineq]

10. I can't believe I have to kick this again

too bad I wasn't here during the day to kick it.