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Washington, DC - Congress today announced that the Office of
President of the United States will be outsourced to overseas
interests as of June 30th, the end of this fiscal year. The move is
being made to save $400K a year in salary, a record $521Billion in
deficit expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite significant," says Congressman
Adam Smith (D-Wash) who, with the aid of the GAO (the General
Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively.
"We simply can no longer afford this level of expense and remain
competitive in the world market," Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the termination of
his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and salary
until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week
waiting period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week
from unemployment insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will
not be able to receive state Medicaid health insurance coverage as
his unemployment benefits are over the required limit.
Preparations have been underway for some time for the job move.
Sanji Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be
assuming the Office of President of the United States as of July 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his parents were here
on student visas, thus making him eligible for the position. He
will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health
coverage or other benefits. Due to the time difference between the
US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at night, when
offices of the US Government will be open.
"I am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an
exclusive interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at
the American Express call center. I always knew I could be
President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh, as he may not
be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A
Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a
script tree to follow which will allow him to respond to most
topics of concern. The Spokesperson further noted "additional
savings will be realized as these scripting tools have been
successfully used by Mr. Bush and will enable Mr. Singh to provide
an answer without having to fully understand the issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a Congressional Page to help
him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may have
difficulties in securing a new position as job prospects in the
Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited.
A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good
prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army
National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and
stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,"
stated Mr. Bush.
He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit
at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad and Falluja, Iraq, sources report that local
Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from
them. These sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be
informed of which convoy he would be riding in. Congress continues
to explore many other outsourcing possibilities including the
position of Vice-president and most Cabinet positions.
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