Ordering a pizza in 2008:

[PA Democrat]

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's
6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This wil add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your
All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones,
then."

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids, and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."

Customer: "Let me give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's
overdrawn also."

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash
ready. How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45
minutes,sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up
while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here in September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

[Midlodemocrat]

1. That is very funny!

It did take me back the first time I called for pizza and they repeated back my phone number and address. A little big brother-ish.

[beachgrl60]

2. Here's your pizza....

served with a warrant for your arrest. My husband owns 7 Pizza Hut's and the local cops with an FBI agent come to speak to him at our home about 3-4 months ago. We had no idea what they wanted and were a little nervous seeing all those badges at the door! Turns out that Florida (it may be everywhere , I don't know) law enforcement is talking to pizza shop owners to tell them (get this!!!!) that they want their help in the war against drugs and alcohol. HA!!! They wanted my husband and other owners to educate the delivery drivers in how to spot illegal drugs! OH YEAH! They want the pizza delivery guys to go into houses with the object being to look around for drugs or drug paraphenalia...then.. report to my husband,, who calls the cops who then raid the house!!! AND. they wanted to give the drivers 50.00 in appreciation!! It then got very ugly! My husband(who just finished smoking a little you-know-what) raged on these guys. He was telling them how dangerous it is for these young kids, they should do their own jobs etc etc. They left without saying much. My husband would never cooperate with garbage like that and talked to some of his friends who also refused! BUT.... the cops may be holding a grudge...We've been ticketed 41 times since then for bogus compaints, inspections 3 times a week etc. We had never ever been ticketed for anything in the last
22 years until this. What can you do??? When people threaten your livelihood, do you back down??? We WON"T!!!

[Kathy in Cambridge]

4. Oh my God

the cops want a minimum wage pizza delivery guy to do their job for them? And then give them a measley $50 for putting their lives on the line? :wtf:

And then retribution for your husband trying to uphold his principles. This ain't the country we grew up in!

[AllegroRondo]

5. I'll agree with that

the kids who deliver pizza dont get paid enough to be informants for the FBI.

[cry baby]

7. P A Dem's story is funny, yours is not funny at all! It's scary!

Thanks for sticking to your principles.

[MadHound]

9. Good luck to the cops in getting the delivery guys to do the dirty work

I delivered pizza as my first job when I was a kid. Granted, this was twenty five years ago, pre-Reagan when things were much looser. Anyway, I got regular tips in the form of joints on up. Biggest score was from a guy in the hotel across the street. Picked up a quarter oz. and ten bucks in tip simply for crossing the street and going up the elevator.

Most delivery folks will either look the other way, or take the herbage tip over the cops money any day.

Good for you guys for sticking up for your principles. Sounds like you need to get a lawyer to file harrassment charges. Or a private eye to dig up the dirt on the police chief. Good luck and keep up the good work.

[RC]

10. This is not a new idea.

Something like 15 years ago the local law enforcement wanted cable employees & others who went into peoples homes to be on the lookout for drugs and hints illegal behavior.
Asking these cable installers to go down that road wasn't a very bright idea.
It basically fizzled after a while.

[liberalhistorian]

15. I remember after

9/11, there was a push to get Fedex and UPS drivers, as well as postal carriers, to watch mail and package deliveries for any "suspicious" materials, "suspicious" never being defined. I think the day is fast coming when things like this will be a reality.

[Lefty48197]

11. This is a sure sign that we have too many cops in certain communities

In some cities, they don't have enough cops to catch the murderers and rapists, and in other communities, we have cops deputizing pizza drivers to look for bongs.

[bling bling]

16. You've been ticketed 41 times in 4 months

after not being ticketed once in 22 years? Coincidence? Maybe you could contact the local news station about it. In the city I live in the local news isn't afraid to run stories about unlawful police practices such as police Chiefs pocketing money or whatever the case may be. Maybe if the taxpayers in your town heard about the fact that their money was being used by police to intimidate local businesses into spying on their own customers enough people would complain to make the police back off. May be good for your business too, as a side-effect, if people saw that you were on their side.

[Gabi Hayes]

18. have you gone public with this?

dunno if it would make things worse, but it seems the bright light of pubicity might be a good thing in this case....unless your local news is Sinclair, fox, etc.

[Stinky The Clown]

19. That is HORRIBLE ....... I can see the headline now ......

"Pizza Delivery Team Found Murdered"

(AP) Sarasota, FL. A team of delivery drivers was found murdered in the walk-in refrigerator of the Tamiami Trail Pizza Hut after what police describe as a drug-connected revenge killing. One of the drivers had recently been awarded a $50 prize for reporting to the shop owner that he had observed a marijuana "roach" in the living room ashtray of Siesta Key home to which he had made a delivery.

The shop owner and his family are being held at an undisclosed location by the County Sheriff's Department for their own safety.

No suspects have been identified.

****************

Fuck this big brother, Nazi informer, spy-on-your-brother crap.

And GOOD FOR YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND for standing strong.

[DireStrike]

3. Only $49.99 for two pies?

My my, aren't we the optimist?

[IronLionZion]

6. liberal hippies will be all over that soybean pizza

hehe...that's rich. big brother Al is watching what you eat you crazy liberal terrorist!

[Ilsa]

8. That is really great. Can I spread it around?

Email, post in other places, etc? How do I give you credit?

[PA Democrat]

12. I got this in an email and don't know who the original

author is. Feel free to share it.

[proudbluestater]

13. Where can one get a commode sensor?

I want to add that to my Christmas list.:-)

[Nihil]

17. Well, George Bush got one from ...

... No. 10 Downing Street, London, England ...

Seems to be working despite all the sh*t it's had to swallow over the
last couple of years ...

:hi:

[njdemocrat106]

14. Funny and scary at the same time

If the Bushistas have their way, this will be all too true come 2008.