this was *supposed* to be a little holiday gift to DU/GD....

[nostamj]

but, under its original title, it sank like a rock. maybe it just sucks and will just sink again. i'm beyond seasonal depression now, so it won't matter much if it does. hope YOUR season is a brighter one!

for the brave who read on... a fantasia on holiday TV specials (and a familiar cast of 'real world' characters)

From....

THE CHRONICLES OF BOSH:
A Fictitious History of the Occupancy of Prince George, Part the First.

It's a Wonderful Bosh Christmas Carol, Charlie Brown!

- a special Holiday presentation

Place: The TV room in a white house.
Time: Recently.

Voiceover:
While Missus Bosh wanders through a Wal-Mart,
Mister Bosh, in the recliner, dozes and dreams.
He was watching Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol ,
No Alistair Sim for him, no sir!

He dreams of driving his golf cart through the snow--
Santa passes, riding a rotary razor--
But when he skids to avoid hitting Snoopy,--
Who's dancing "The Potter Stomp" in the middle of the street–
He slams into a bit of undigested potato (or a pretzel)
And bumps his head.

Bosh:
Sister Mary Clarence! I'm wounded!
Zasu Pitts in pedal pushers is played by a red-headed girl.
And my brother is the Catholic.
Even the littlest tree can be harvested. Mulched.
(To the tune of "Hark, The Herald Angels Sing")
Bark! The family dog has fleas. Barney, pal 'o mine!

(Barney leaps into the river, pursued by a bear.
Schroeder, behind a scrim, begins "The Ghost's Pavane")

Voiceover:
Mister Bosh wakes in, but not from, his dream.
Back in the corduroy hug of his favorite chair,
An apparition gathers before him:
Mister Lore, weighted with
His lockboxes and erudition, howls.

Apparition of Lore:
Mister Bosh, you blockhead!

Bosh:
How can you haunt me? You're not dead.
Technically.

Lore:
Mister Bosh, it is you who haunts me.

What follows is mere entertainment at your expense.
The sheer density of your hubris prevents any
Troubling recognition. No need to be tense.
Just something to forget over eggs in the morning.

There will be three visits tonight.

Bosh:
Three visitors. I've seen this program before.
Heh heh. Won't be fooled. Not again. Heh heh.

Lore:
This program is not that program.
Three visits tonight.

Voiceover:
And Lore slipped away into his internets.
A rustling in the hearth. Marion Lorne
Adjusts her dusty, feathered hat and tugs at
Edmund Gynn's full beard.
And all the Whos who are have-nots
Connect lots of dots.

New rustling in that hearth and Mike More,
Jolly blue elf, has appeared.

Bosh:
But, have you any power here? Begone.
My fantasy cannot be your new documentary!

Michael Moore:
My documentary should have been fantasy. But,
That's not the agenda tonight.

Bosh:
I expected three ghosts and only get one nightmare?

Mike More:
Welcome to the club.

Look, I know where you've been.
I know where we are.
And, I have a pretty good idea where we're going...
I'm good for the whole shost gig.
Can we just jump to the part where I scare you?

Bosh: (hysteria)
Missus Bosh! Guard he thermostatical thingys!
Only devils like to turn up the heat–

Mike More:
Yeah, yeah but I'm late for a screening and...
This is pretty simple.

Bosh: (livid)
Dog! Attack!

( One hundred and one dalmatians
Take a dump on the imperial carpet.)

Mike More:
You have no sense of irony, do you?
(rimshot)
Nevermind.

I am the ghost of Christmas Present yadaa yadoo...

( They are now standing in a bombed and smoking
Building in Fallujah, Iraq.)

Bosh:
My ears are ringing. Wayward shells, wayward shells.
Will you be getting your wings now?

Mike More:
Behold, the home to a family of eight–

Bosh:
Where are they?
The workhouses?
The orphanages?

Mike More:
Killed in their sleep by your bombs.
And then the dogs ate them.

(A bundle of rags quivers on the hearth. Rises.
A tiny, armless child.)

Bosh:
If I had one to give I would give her
A picture of me.

Voiceover:
A torrent of stuffed animals rains down.
Compassionate ordinance.
And we're back--

Mike More:
I am the ghost of Christmas Redacted.

Bosh:
Careful...

Mike More:
Not to worry. Not going there. Again.

(Eugene Ionesco winks from the doorway.
The room, inexplicitly, fills with flag-draped coffins.)

Bosh:
Mr. Gower you're hurting me!

Mike More:
Please... My screening?

I am the ghost of Christmas Yet To Be Imagined.

(The Bosh Twins appear, in stained camo.
They are peeling potatoes with bayonets.)

Bosh:
What is this sight before me?
The darling daughters in boot camp?
Grimed? Armed? Targeted?

Mike More:
Why the surprise?
Shouldn't they trust their daddy?
Should they ignore the call to duty?

Bosh:
Your dream in my dream will not change me.
No snowy reformation. No sweet turkey for the Cratchit family.
Tiny Tim's tour of duty is extended. Indefinitely.

Voiceover:
And when the alien serpent bursts from his gut--
Yodeling "Joy to the World!"--
In a blur of gore, Mister Bosh awakens.

Voiceover:
God bless us, God bless us, every one.

(And razzleberry stuffing...

December, 2004

[thoughtanarchist]

1. nice job...

very freaky and entertaining...

:toast:

[nostamj]

5. thanks for that...

i still think it was overall a mistake to spend the time on it. if it's not TOONs, my posts are usually ignored. <sigh>

[politicaholic]

2. When not in cartoon form I think the intent is lost. Time to start drawing

So now that you've taken the red acid, now it's time for the green acid, it might cheer you up.

Happy Holidays

[nostamj]

4. huh?

I've never drawn a cartoon... :shrug:

[Jacobin]

3. I find it hard to read scripts

for movies/plays. They aren't as eye-catching and fun as the 'toons.

[nostamj]

12. yeah, but, ya see...

I don't WRITE the toons.

i've been involved with theatre/poetry for SO long.... I can always hear the lines being spoken. probably because I've always done both, the sound of the spoken verse has always been key to me.

whatever. I certainly understand that reading scripts or poetry (much less both) is not everyone's thing.

[cally]

6. Thanks for the present

I like the script.

[nostamj]

7. thanks for the reply....

that picture looks like a Christmas tree, doesn't it?

[Lisa]

8. kick!

And thanks for the present! (in more ways than one)

[nostamj]

11. "(in more ways than one)"

hmmm.... very cryptic. :eyes:

[annabanana]

9. very nice..... reading it aloud is fun

I'd like to see part the second and third..
(almost as much as I'd like to see the twins in camo)

[nostamj]

10. part the second will cover

the second term. (I've written a lot more on the first term which you can find in the 'political poetry' thread in the WRITING forum or on my blog (Nostamj_blog)

if there's a third term..... no. can't go there.

(of course, since I've written theatre (and poetry) for decades now, so, I always HEAR the lines. I'm very proud of this piece. and, I know that FEW people read any poetry anymore. thanks for the reply! and hope your holiday(s) are great.)

[Octafish]

13. I've said it before and I'll say it again:

You're a most talented writer, Nostamj! Keep this up and a lot of people will be wanting to read more. Then, you'll find yourself devoting more and more and more time to it. And if you're going to do it, you may as well get paid for it. And may that happen, too!



No, nor did he believe it even now. Though he looked the phantom through and through, and saw it standing before him; though he felt the chilling influence of its death-cold eyes; and marked the very texture of the folded kerchief bound about its head and chin, which wrapper he had not observed before; he was still incredulous, and fought against his senses.

Thanks for the great read, Jeff-Man. Wish I'd thought of it meself.

[nostamj]

16. thanks!

I have been keeping at it for over 30 years now.... <sigh>

[DireStrike]

14. Peeling a potato with a bayonet?

I'd pay to see the bosh twins do that. *DO* be careful, girls! (snicker)

[nostamj]

18. hee hee...

glad you noticed that little bit. it was the LAST thing I added to the poem before posting...

[Dem2theMax]

15. Beautiful, nostamj.

You literally had me laughing out loud and tearing up as well.

Very visual piece. Really enjoyed being able to 'see' it as I was reading it. BRAVO! :)

ps. I think MM would love it as well.

[nostamj]

17. glad you 'hear' you could 'see' it...

you know what in you own head but...

much appreciated.

[nostamj]

19. well, one last kick

before heading for the trains and CT.

[Dem2theMax]

20. I'll kick it while you're on the trains.

:kick:

[gorbal]

21. Thank you, LOL!

Merry....Holidays;)

[Buns_of_Fire]

22. Beckett meets boosh*. Excellent! Thank you.

Now, if only the twins were named Vladimir and Estragon, it could be staged as something like "Waiting for GOPAC." :-)

[nostamj]

23. what an INTERESTING comment!

re: Beckett. while I was NOT conciously thinking about him while working on this project I've been a big beckett fan for decades.

I *was* re-reading Ionesco (Rhinoceros has new relevance!) AND I was finally reading Beckett's novel WATT (even on the train on my way to Christmas Eve, which is probably too wierd to contemplate)...

anyway, absurd times call for....

thanks for the comment. hope you had a great holiday!

[nostamj]

24. in case you've been away for the holiday.... kick