The Great Fundamentalist Martyrdom Circle-Jerk

[arendt]

woke up in a nasty mood this morning, hence the
following:

The Great Fundamentalist Martyrdom Circle-Jerk

I have a "modest" proposal for all the non-reality based
whackos who can't wait to be gathered to the bosom of
their respective blloodthirsty gods. How violent macho
gods can have bosoms is one of those spiritual mysteries
I leave to theologians.

I propose that we take all the fundamentalists - Christian,
Moslem, Jewish, Hindu, and whatever - and arrange them
in a giant circle alternating by religion. Then, at a command,
or a divine visitation, one of these homicidal maniacs stabs
the guy in front of him to death, at which point, the guy behind,
in defense of his god, stabs him, and so forth. This goes
around the circle like a row of dominos until they have
all martyred each other and died defending their religion.

If we can get a package deal, maybe we could fly all these
guys to somewhere in the Middle Eastern desert and tell
them that their victim is besmirching the holy soil of (fill
in the blank). That way, we wouldn't even have to pay for
burial. The desert would just cover them over for us. Sort
of, pardon the expression, God's will.

This is the perfect solution. Instead of costing the rest of
us upwards of $200 Billion to manipulate these narrow-
minded medievalists to kill each other, we just remove the
middlemen (and their war profiteering - anyone seen my
$9 Billion?). No Depleted Uranium poisoning, no nasty
chemicals, no Gulf War syndrome. Nothing but sweaty, babbling
guys in loincloths killing each other the old fashioned,
masculine way, with cold steel - sort of like in a Mel Gibson
movie.

What's that? You say some so-called Christians believe that
only 144,000 elect will be raptured? Not to worry. Those
people don't have the brains to count that high. Just tell
each of them they're in the first 144k, and they will fall for
it. Especially if you shout the spiritual equivalent of "sand-
nigger, sand-nigger, sand-nigger". Its a lot simpler than these
contorted WMD scams.

Well, that's the proposal. Now I have to go back to being one
of those pointy-headed intellectuals who believes in that
invention of Satan, the Enlightnment. You see, only a
cold-hearted rationalist could invent such a mockery of
religion. No Christian could ever sully the legacy of Jesus
with such cynical mayhem.

666 to y'all.

arendt

[lectrobyte]

1. Sounds like a plan.

[dutchdoctor]

2. Maybe we can turn it into a TV show..

Fundamentalists from different religions get to kill each other and the public gets to vote which one deserves to go to heaven...