PARODY: Why Did Jesus Have Long Hair Like a Homo?

[Clark2008]

Why Did Jesus Have Long Hair Like a Homo?

Dear Paster,


Last weak at homeskool, me and my bruther was lookin at some pitchures of Jezus, and we sawed he had reel long hairs on his haid. He looks like my sister, Suzanna Beth. I askded my teachur (momma) if that means Jezus were a gay old butt-sniffin' homo like my momma's cousin, "Gay Bobby," cause neither of theys never got marryed. But my momma did'nt no the anser. Can you pleaze tell us?

Yours in Criyst Jezus,

- Billy-Joe


Dear Billy-Joe,

God bless you, young man, and thank you for bringing up this important question. I understand it can be difficult when you see all those photographs of Jesus in your Children's Bible and wonder whether you're gazing upon our Beloved Savior, or just some scruffy hustler swishing along in the Wigstock Parade.

Add to that Jesus’ effeminate yearnings for such staples of the homosexual agenda as so-called “peace,” “love,” and “compassion,” and it’s perfectly understandable how an good, decent, conservative youngster like yourself would start to out-and-out DESPISE the Lord.

Fortunately, there are perfectly rational reasons for why the earliest known photographs of Jesus show him with girlishly elongated hairs.

First, what you must understand is that after Jesus accepted himself as Lord and Savior, and became the first Christian - what do you think was the first thing he did? I'll give you a hint - It is a tradition that we here at Landover Baptist carry on to this very day! It is the first thing the Holy Ghost whispers into your ear, the minute you get saved. That's right, Billy-Joe. Jesus got a haircut.

The reason you see so many pictures of Jesus with long hair is because those pictures were drawn by unsaved people. Most of them were drawn by hell-bound, pasta-slurping, Mary-worshipping, hell-bound Catholics.

I am a Christian and found this whole site funny because it takes to task and makes fun of the religious wingnuts on the right. It's abolutely hilarious.

Enjoy - and post your favorite parodies! :)

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/

[rpannier]

1. Pretty Clever

Thanks

[Clark2008]

3. Maybe I should say that I HOPE this site is a parody

but, with the wingnuts, you never know. Most of them probably believe half the shit on this website.

:shrug:

[thecorster]

2. well, since you asked...

you said "post your favorite parodies" so I will shamelessly plug my website.

http://www.whitehousememos.com

in particular, check out
http://www.whitehousememos.com/gannon
http://www.whitehousememos.com/torture
http://www.whitehousememos.com/rove

Enjoy!

[thecorster]

4. landoverbaptist is parody

its made by the same folks over at whitehouse.org and georgewbush.org

[leftofthedial]

5. jeebiz was obviously a white Murkan suburban

hippy faggot

at least judging from that mormon tv commercial

[AnnInLa]

6. Hmmm?

[Clark2008]

8. But, wouldn't Republican Jesus have a hair cut?

LOL!

:D

[Rob H.]

7. I love some of the stuff in Landover Baptist's store

The "I gave my heart to Jesus, and now he never calls" fridge magnets and stickers are a personal favorite. :D