Dear Andy Stephenson

[mogster]

I don't know you that well, so I hope you don't think me a total hippo for 'dear'-ing you like this.
But your situation touched me and I really feel like writing you some words.

First, thanks for posting here. It makes us think.

And you have done a terrific job already, if a voice from faraway Norway counts for anything.

It's not fair. Illness never is.
Some years ago, on a board in Norway, a poster I knew suddenly posted a thread titled My Body. It was a long post of how his body was failing him, because he'd been diagnosed with cancer. He was afraid, and couldn't take in what was happening - not at all.

We all reacted differently to this, some stuck by, some shied away. Illness does that to people - it reminds us of our mortality, and when Fate points a finger at someone close to you, you sometimes take a step back to protect yourself. An irrational response, but very real.
I tried to stick by, but what to do, what to do?!
How can you post comments to a board on such a serious matter, and then in the next thread chat about car tyres or freaking politics?
How can topics of that nature be aligned and compared at all?

He then entered into treatment, and told us all he wouldn't be around anymore as he would spend more time with his family and RL-friends.
I encouraged this, as did many others, but felt like a complete hippocrite by doing so. Was it a genuine wish for his wellbeing or was his pain to much to handle? The relief I felt at his desicion told me.
That night I stayed up, thinking about the whole situation, the way we relate to each other, the Internet(s), terminal illness, the online communities and all. I felt like a piece of shit, to tell you the truth.
Every 5 minutes or so I hit the refresh-button and watched the My Body-topic, now voluminous by all the well-wishing, sink further and further down on the topic-list, slowly being replaced by subjects of what now seemed like utter insignificance.
When it dropped to page 2, I unsubscribed from that board, logged off and decided to never participate in internet-related discussions again. It was kind of a crisis of confidence, if you understand?

Well, 'never' is a relative term, it appears ;-)
As time went by, I kinda seeped back into virtual hobnobbing, first by posting work-related stuff (I'm a programmer), then politics in read-only mode, and finally the everyday gung-ho of give and take that makes up these places.
But I didn't visit that board, because I didn't want to read the message of his death. I shied away.

Then one day, and because I'm the story-teller here and can allow myself certain freedoms ;-) : let's make it a beautiful spring day in anticipation of summer--the kinda day you should NOT spend in front of a computer, but lie with your backside down in the grass and chew on a straw--I finally went there, to check on something completely different. Or just read stuff, I don't remember. By now the memory of Pinocchio (his nick) had faded, and it just blew me away when I saw a post with his avatar and nick! Posted the day before.
He was alive, God dammit!!
And his reaction to his illness was:
- Oh, that. It's years ago now.

It's a sunny story, I know. Kinda Reader's Digest.
But nevertheless, it's a true story. Apart from the sunny day stuff, it happened more or less like laid out here.
He got cancer, got treated and beat it.

I come from a cancer-ridden family and lost my mother to breast cancer in 1971. 12 years later my sister got it, but was treated and is still alive and kicking.

You can beat your illness too. Big hug to you.

[arcos]

1. kick nt

[Paradise]

2. Another big hug to you, Andy! n/t

[mzmolly]

3. Very sweet and inspirational story. My nephew is also a survivor

14 years now.

[Longhorn]

4. Great story!

Thanks! You remind me what Lance Armstrong's "Live Strong" message is all about and why I wear a yellow bracelet every day (on one arm. On the other, I wear a black "I DID NOT VOTE 4 BUSH!" bracelet and a black metal bracelet with the name of an 18-year-old soldier killed in Iraq.)

[goodboy]

5. kick....nt

[Luminous Animal]

6. A big hug from me as well,

and one for mogster for writing such a wonderful heartfelt message.

[bush_is_wacko]

7. Yes! Thank you for this post! I have a family riddled with disease

I have not wanted to bring it up or post what I consider a downer for other people, but you have given me the opportunity to say tragedy often brings about a profound turning point for the better in peoples lives. Many members of my family have died of various illnesses including AIDS, but as a family we have triumphed over illness more times than not. I have four family members that have survived cancer. 2 ovarian, one Hodgkin's, one kidney. None of them are related by blood to me, so there really isn't a huge cancer connection in my family, but they are all loved by me as if they were blood. They have lived far beyond anyones expectation and I believe SUPPORT is the key to their survival. That and the fact that all four of them are fighters in every way. Never for a minute did they doubt (at least publicly, I'm sure they had their private moments) their ability to beat their illness and they inspired the rest of us to feel the same. One of them has been cancer free for over 15 years now. She was given basically no chance at survival. She is a miracle to everyone that knows her and she is NOT a young woman, 82 years young.

Andy, I don't know you at all, except for your posts. But I can see you are a fighter and will never give up. Know that you have the support of anyone that has ever read a post of yours here at DU as well as all those family and friends who are close by you now! Our prayers and well wishes are with you every day.

[havocmom]

8. Thank you for your post. Survivor stories need more play. They are the

most likely outcome of most cancer diagnosis these days.

Good morning Andy! Need a Latte? Havocdad is whipping 'em up. It is another glorious day, sun, birds, kids in tee shirts instead of parkas. A miracle for Montana in February! But miracles do happen and they happen every day. Take the time and you'll see them. Let them shower you with hope.

Hey, did I tell ya how my sister is doing? Hair coming in to the point now that she went out a few times to run errands without a wig! If you knew how vain she tends to be, you'd know what a biggie that is! She was upset about how much of her hair is white now, but hey, at her age... She has colored it for so many decades that she just didn't know her 'natural' color had taken such a turn!

She has been pretty demanding and, dare I say, bitchy again, which is a far cry from the quiet, timid little girl she had become during all the treatments. She has always been intimidated by anything medical. Well, THAT's over now!

She goes to movies with new friends now and is redecorating much of her home. My brother-in-law and brother could both use a vacation, she is keeping them so busy with projects.

There is light after the MRI tunnel, dear Andy. There is light beyond the glare of the surgery suite. There is warm sunlight and soft moonlight. There is the glow of the fireplace and the faces that love you.

Good morning, Andy. It is another beautiful day. We are all trying to send you bits of it from our far flung corners of the world. Bask in the light that is love. Rest and let your body take the time it needs to heal. The way things are today is not what every day will be.

There is light and there is love. Soak it up and be nourished.

Good morning, Andy.

[lastliberalintexas]

9. Tell your sister about biotin

If she isn't already taking it, that is. It's a vitamin (or vitamin complex?) that does wonders for hair and nails. She can likely get it at a local health food store. My mom's hair is now thicker than it ever was pre-cancer. :)


I am sorry to hear that someone here has been diagnosed, but it certainly isn't the inevitable death sentence it was years ago. My mother did go through hell with the treatment, so I won't tell you it's easy. But please stay determined Andy. Know that your determination to win seems to be 3/4ths of the battle with cancer, and make sure your family understands that too, so that they can stay as supportive as possible. They can be the shoulder to cry on, the kick in the rear when you're feeling sorry for yourself, and the chef who prepares 20 different meals until you find one you can keep down. It isn't an easy victory by any means, but it is certainly winnable! Good luck to you, Andy.

[mogster]

14. Thanks!

I'll be sure to notify my sister about biotin. She's well today, but had both her breasts removed, so it was a serious condition.

[Andy_Stephenson]

10. Thank you for this kind letter

I am sitting here enjoying the sunshine streaming in my bedroom windows. I am watching a movie...and not thinking about anything today but me. I am gonna be selfish for a while and work on my health. I am watching funny movies...drinking my favorite coffee and generally being a slouch. I think I am allowed :)

Thnak you again

Andy

[mogster]

12. Sounds like sumthin' we all should be doing

Thanks for answering :-)

[nashville_brook]

11. damn good stuff! REAL. i was like you with the illness-aversion

i refused to go visit my favorite person in the world while he was dying in the hospital. i was too freaked. then my parents died. and i wasn't there.

then i got a handful of life-threatening conditions. not cancer -- spinal infection, blood clots, pancreatitis and medicinal hep.

i was too sick and too scared to ask for support from friends.

at one point i was convinced i wouldn't make it -- it might have been the morphine making me loopy -- but i wrote this in an email dispatch. i HAD to get it out there. i had to say it to myself and to my loved ones. it was part of my healing. i think it's part of everyone's healing. you have to OWN your illness.

if you are really lucky you will have a group as "connected" as everyone here at DU who will send positive thoughts, prayer and/or "healing light." however you imagine it -- andy is part of our tribe. if we were a big organism he would be a ventricle or something. part of us is sick and we need to heal. don't turn away.

(i'm not sure what i mean by 'connected' -- it just seems there's a lot of mojo especially with the election fraud activists here. we believe! )

[mogster]

13. I'll say it's connected allright

And I share you views on that.

Hopefully you are better now? :-)

Thanks to all of you others too for answering. Damn, it's so many good people here! :o :D

[nashville_brook]

17. i'm way better

i have major chronic pain, but as long as my pain clinic is there for me, i don't think about it very much.

DU'ers rock. there is a 'there' there. :)

[Just Me]

15. What is it about stories of human kindness and condition,...

,...that brings tears to my eyes these days?

Whew. I am touched.

[greatauntoftriplets]

16. Thank you for the lovely story, mogster...

:toast:

[Nothing Without Hope]

18. Thank you Mogster! The fact you are so far away in the real world

just underscores the very special connection we have here. You are typing in Norway, we are reading in a constellation of places spread all over. All of us are connected, and we can feel the warmth of our common intentions, especially Andy, who is the focus of so many of them now.

I'm like Mogster in that I don't know Andy personally, but I don't feel that matters. I know something of what he has been doing in fighting for the heart of democracy -- free, fair and honest elections. And I can see from the outpouring of loving concern from his many friends just what a special person he must be.

I'll be thinking about Andy when I attend the completion and dispersion of the Mandala of Compassion now being created by Tibetan nuns near Boston:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=158x3332
I haven't been to the mandala site yet, but I was told by a friend who has that the atmosphere of love, healing, and glowing serenity there was amazing. Sounds like good Andy medicine to me! And since the dispersal of the loving compassion is for all the world, faraway Norwegians will receive it equally with everyone else. It's a lovely thing to meditate on.

We are all connected.