Need some help with a racist.

[Craig3410]

Apparently, I'm being raised by a racist. My mother keeps spouting off insane conspiracy theories like 'the Mexicans are planning to take back texas' and 'they all run across the border right before they give birth just to get citizenship' and bullshit like that. :crazy: She usually tries this when we're in the car so I have no choice but to listen to her.

help.

[Crankie Avalon]

1. Get her her own car...

...one of those little ones that clowns drive in the circus.

[Craig3410]

4. Yeah, I'm trying to get my license...

I'm 18, and I've been behind the wheel of a car a total of three times. All with my father. My mom apparently doesn't want me to drive.

[MemphisTiger]

33. Dude, you're 18 and don't have your license?

I had mine as soon as possible. Maybe change the subject with your Mom by saying, "I need to get some driving time to get my license." This will solve a ton of problems for you. Otherwise I would be dismissive. You probably won't convince someone that is an actual racist the error of their ways. Seriously, get off your butt and get your license. Then get a job so the only time you have to see her is in the morning or at night a little.

[skypilot]

2. I sympathize.

I wasn't very close to my mother for a variety of reasons and I would have to bite my tongue when she would refer to Asians as "yangs" or when she'd say something like, "He's a Jew but he's OK". I really wanted to go off on her but I was afraid that alot of other things would come gushing forth. I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to say that I've been there.

[MountainLaurel]

6. Why stay quiet?

Your silence tells her that saying those things is acceptable in your eyes.

[skypilot]

21. I had a very bad relationship with my mother.

We just barely managed to keep things under control. Quite frankly, I didn't like the woman. If I'd confronted her about her racist language lots of other things would have come up as well. I usually wasn't in the mood to get into it with her. She died several years ago so it won't be coming up again anyway.

[salin]

3. Is she this irrational

on other issues - or is it just the immigration issue? Different responses given the context.

The biggest argument, however, would be that if American employers didn't keep hiring illegal immigrants - there would be no immigration.

[Craig3410]

9. Bingo.

I keep trying to tell her that's it's Walmart's and Tyson's (we live in NW Ark) fault, but her logic is that "they have a choice to come here".


What choice? Make $2.50 an hour here or make even less in Mexico?

[salin]

14. back to the question, though

is she this irrational on other points?

If it is just this issue - than use the rational approach. That is, you know Mom - you are much more reasonable on other issues. Can't really have a discussion with you on this because you sound crazy - your sense seems to fly out the window. I would love to talk about this on a policy level - but won't do it until you talk facts rather than broad stereotypes and generalizations.

Now if she is this irrational on lots of issues - don't even bother. Treat it as a "there you go again" moment. Folks hate that - since it is dismissive, but after awhile - due to wanted to avoid being dismissed, they at least will sometimes drop the rhetoric in your presence.

[mark414]

19. i assume her roots go back to europe?

ask her why her ancestors came to america from europe...for a chance at a better life, just like "all these mexicans" are doing

[Heidi]

5. She's not the slapping kind, is she?

Are you safe asking her, "Who are you trying to convince? Me? Or yourself? Because I've made up my mind."

Good luck, Craig3410. I'm sorry to hear that your mom's misguided.

[Craig3410]

13. No, she doesn't slap. -nt-

[ElectroPrincess]

17. Hey, as a person who's been raised by such a rigid Mom myself ...

It's not worth challenging her. It's best to avoid discussions of this nature because such persons are "always right." You don't stand a ghost of a chance to change her mind.

Every time I call my mother, she reports to me all the Facts that she's heard on FOX. I have to bite my tongue until it's bleeding sometimes. However, if I challenge her, she'll pout and when the call is over, I'll end up feeling guilty. Instead I'll say something like, "I know you love Ma Barker ... um, I mean Barbara Bush, but could we talk about something else now?" Yikes!

If you wish to keep peace within the family, it's best to steer clear of those discussions. Our kind (progressives) will always lose (one way or another) with our Right Wing relatives, i.e., the deck is already stacked. :(

[Heidi]

35. Me, too, ElectroPrincess.

I have a southern Baptist dad and a lapsed Catholic mom, and I wish I'd challenged both of them more when I was younger, because my challenging them now would be less shocking to them. My parents aren't the least bit racist, but 9/11 has done a number on some in my family, so instead of challenging, I'm trying to talk reason. Keeping the family peace becomes more important to me as I get older (I'm 42), but the truth also becomes more important to me as I grow older. I know in my heart that it's fear, not genuine mean-spiritedness, guiding some of my relatives after 9/11, as we've all been good people and "good Democrats" for ages.

[beam me up scottie]

7. Two words.

I pod
(okay one word)

[seabeyond]

8. it is a major crisis in the border states

women having babies come into the hospitals as they are giving birth and doctors have no choice but to deliver the baby. a huge problem we have. tis true

now, i have no animosity, but it is happening. i dont blame the women from doing this, they then have a u.s. citizen and they have a hospital taking care of them. and our tax dollar picks up the bill

there is work that needs to be done on immigration.

[Craig3410]

12. That's her main problem.

She sees anyone Hispanic-looking, and she automatically sees them as an illegal Mexican hellbent on taking her tax money. The fact that there are many Mexicans here paying taxes and following the laws doesn't seem to affect her.

[salin]

18. Or the fact that many she assumes are illegal

are probably legal - and possibly second or third generation US citizens.

[seabeyond]

22. but it is a problem, the hospitals and doctors

discuss it a lot. they need solutions. anyway, you can give her that, but, you can say to your mom, though that is true, (and a lot of illegal are using our welfare system, and not paying taxes) the major group creating the problem is the corporations that have the need for these workers at low pay, they arent taking taxes out and giving to government, they are creating the supply and demand.

the culprit isnt the mexican, the culprit, the one creating this problem is the corporations

now bush, being pro corporation is expanding this problem and using the mexican people in the process it the most deviant ways. giving the corps their cheap labor and doing nothing to allow the mexicans a way to intrigrate into our communities, further, there is such an attack on them judicially it is creating a real hostile enviroment.

so everything is being done in the lowest vibration with this issue

educate yourself. the points your mom makes that are correct acknowledge, but you can easily put the blame where it belongs

[fryguy]

bravo to you..

...for not being co-oped to her unfortunate mindset. wihtout sounding too much like a public service announcement, it is true that racism is a leanred trait - too often passed on from racist, biggoted or closed mind parents to their children. I, for one, am glad you see the error in her thinking.

first thing to help her would be to turn off the conservative talk radio that she may be listening to...

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

10. Not a hell of a lot...

You can do with them. Racism a manifestation of gross intellectual laziness: you have to blame all your woes on the melanin content of someone else's skin. That is just lazy.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

11. And what is wrong if the Mexicans

are trying to get back the Southwest? Hell, we stole it from them. Harsh, but true. I'm sure that she would never recognize the truth in this, but anyone that knows their history (not to be confused with school indoctrination) knows this is just what the US under James K. Polk did.

[Craig3410]

15. That's another point I try to bring up.

The country we're living in was founded by people illegally taking land owned by others for generations.

Gotta go, I'll be back later.

[TalkingDog]

27. Does that mean me and my family can have our country back?

I'm the great-grandchild (maternally and paternally) of the Cherokee who decided to assimilate instead of walking the Trail of Tears....can we start using all the hunting lands and fishing lands and planting lands we used before all the Europeans came and parceled it up?

You can't change history by "do over". You just have to make the best of the mistakes and positive choices your ancestors made.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

43. That's exactly what these Mexicans are doing, isn't it? n/t

[solinvictus]

31. By that rationale..

shouldn't the descendents of slaveowners be compensated for their loss of property? It's an illogical premise unless you're willing to open a HUGE can of worms.

[fertilizeonarbusto]

42. Nope

I'm just pointing out that we really can't complain about this, folks.

[Warpy]

16. My mother got nuts in her later years

when she went blind and her information about the world became controlled by the evening news and Reader's Digest, available in braille. With her, it was the Haitians in Florida who were going to take over.

I just realized that one person in the room was nuts and I was pretty sure it wasn't me and it wasn't my job at that point to start raising my mother. She'd been the most tolerant of people when I was little, and for that I was grateful.

It's funny, but I've seen early conditioning rear its ugly head later in life in a lot of other people. Who knows what's gonna pop out of my mouth when I'm grumbling into my pureed veg at the old folks' home?

Take a deep breath and realize you're hearing what nasty people throughout her life have said and make a determination you won't add to it. Your job is yourself, not her. Peace.

[ElectroPrincess]

24. Well put Warpy ...

Like the angry young (and middle aged) men who drive around with "stars and bars" banners on their pick up trucks ... or my neighbor a half mile away who sports "lawn jockeys" at the entrance to his drive way ... or his neighbor who proudly flies the rebel flag on it's own 15 foot flagpole in their front yard ...

The people above, like your Mom are *beyond reach* through reason. Something happened to them or perhaps it was years of being raised by racist parents.

My sympathies goes out to the African Americans and Mexican Americans who show the MOST tolerance. These people anger me but I can only imagine how "their targets" feel about such insanity.

Racism is still running rampant in the USA. In the southern states it's less overt but CLEARLY communicated.

I agree with Warpy's excellent advice, work on yourself and other young people who may still be open minded enough to cherish goodwill and equality among the peoples of this world. Challenging "Mom" will only make home life miserable and serves no useful purpose. I know, I've been there.

[TalkingDog]

29. Unlike the North where it is very overt

and, yet, still very clearly stated.

"Racism is still running rampant in the USA. In the southern states it's less overt but CLEARLY communicated."

We live in the South. My husband is from Pittsburgh. We have African-American friends in both places. Trust me, Northern In-your-face racism is no less fun than Southern Polite-to-your face racism.

[ElectroPrincess]

30. Sincere thanks for the education: Only experienced Mid-West and South :-)

[democrank]

20. I`ve been where you are

and because of it I pledged to myself that I would do everything in my power to combat this kind of thinking. You may not be able to change the thought process behind your mother`s racism but you certainly can do your part in developing your own set of principles that will make you proud.

A little understanding can go a long way, as in the case of the desperate economic issues that drive many Mexicans across the border.

[TalkingDog]

23. She's not being racist.....

if she would say that about any other group of people coming across the borders illegally....say Ethiopians or Canadians (not a race really, but neither is "Mexican"); if she would say it about Norwegians or the French.

Ask her how she would feel if they all came here legally...would that be acceptable? If she then says no, ask her why. If she says anything remotely racist, act shocked and say..."Bbbut...Mom, that's racist", with all the heartbroken innocence you can muster.

She might protest, but just look sad and heartbroken, shake your head slowly and just be quiet.

It worked for me. (I grew up in the Civil Rights Protests South. My mother used to use the "N" word)

The amazing thing to me now is the number of African-Americans who are out protesting alongside Caucasians against the influx of Hispanic populations. I saw a mixed group of millworkers protesting Hispanic workers one day and I felt like getting out of my car and asking the Afr-Amer.s if they understood that they were protesting with were some of the same people who protested their parents right to equal treatment when they were kids.

Wow,people have short memories.

edited for the spelling marms

[Zynx]

28. Blacks and Hispanics do not have all that much in common

And believe me, a lot of the urban areas that are black or Hispanic don't like ones of the other ethnic group.

It's a HUGE mistake to think of them as the same sort of minority.

[TalkingDog]

32. And where exactly did I state that I though of them as the same?

I said I was amazed at the irony of someone, who had grown up in an era where they could see the struggle to be accepted, rejecting another group based on the same arguments.

No comparison between the two was made other than they are both minorities and both have struggled (in their own way) to be accepted.

The real problem is that the divisiveness is fostered by people who don't want these working poor (black, white and hispanic) groups to join forces and create a labor movement that would literally be unstoppable.

But I'm afraid none of them are going to see that for a very long time....if ever.

[ElectroPrincess]

37. I lived in the Republic of Panama for two years ...

I was informed that in the recent past it was the "lighter skinned" Hispanics who held power. I was aghast at the thought of "shades of discrimination."

My in laws who live in New Orleans told me that before The Civil Rights Movement of the 60s there was called a "paper bag" test. If your skin color was darker than a brown paper bag, you were considered black. Conversely, if your skin was lighter than a brown paper bag, you could be allowed to "pass" for white.

It's sad but not shocking. Unfortunately it's the self-distructive part of humanity that wishes to separate "us" from "them" be it race, sexual orientation, religion etc.

I hope, my fellow progressives that the ONLY color or discriminator that truly matters to those of us intelligent and enlightened is GREEN. That is, those who genuinely control this country through corporate wealth and power LOVE TO DIVIDE us "little people" who make less than $300,000 / year.

How do they do the above? Through wedge issues that underly our "worst side of humanity" (racism, sexism, religious fundamentalist discrimination, etc.), the ruling class SEPARATES us.

We must somehow, working and middle classes of all races MUST learn to work together.

Our true enemy is the folks who outsource our jobs to cheap overseas labor markets. And the union busters who underpay even their workers in third world countries.

That has NOTHING to do with African Americans or even the influx of illegal aliens.

[RaleighNCDUer]

39. That's only because the class warfare being waged upon both

pits them against each other for the lower tier jobs. It keeps ethnic tensions high, keeps the workers from working together against the management, and in the long run depresses the wages for those jobs.

It is carefully calculated corporatism.

[proud2BlibKansan]

25. Tune her out

Most kids are good at that. Surely you have figured out how to do that by now.

[kiki]

26. Try this:

(I suggested this to someone else here last week)

Find out what percentage of the population illegal immigrants make up in your area. Then ask your ma what her guess at the percentage is.

If she's anything like the general public in the UK (and from what you've said she may be even more ill-informed), her guess will be around 20 times higher than the actual figure. Might give her food for thought.

[HEIL PRESIDENT GOD]

34. Befriend some Mexicans

Invite them over, and make sure they are listening to loud, tuba-heavy music and drinking beer in your living room 24/7. Eventually, your mom will move out. It worked on my racist roommates!

[ElectroPrincess]

38. Oh yeah, that would be great fun to folks you're not related to ...

I could have supplied a mariachi band to your cause. Seriously pisses the racists off and oodles of fun ... a la "Animal House" type revenge strategy.

However, if you HAVE to meet again at a mandatory family reunion ... not the best of ideas. Hint: Freepers have NO sense of humor.

[fryguy]

36. how did her (your) family come to america?

out of curiousity, ask how her ancestors came here and whether she would have found it appropriate to prevent the waves of European immigratants from settling in the US back then

[RaleighNCDUer]

41. Further, how were her ancestors received when they came?

Were they Irish? Hatred and prejudice. (Micks, Papists)
Were they Italian? Hatred and prejudice. (Wops, Papists)
Were they Jewish? Hatred and prejudice. (Kikes, Christ-killers)
Were they Central European? Hatred and prejudice. (Bohunks, anarchists)

There has not been a single ethnic group that wasn't despised by the previous wave of arrivals. Do you think the Dutch welcomed the English to New Amsterdam with open arms? The Spanish fought to hang onto Florida against the French and English and Americans, for 300 years. The New England protestants hated the newly arriving Catholics. The Southern Catholics hated the Presbyterians who followed them into the Carolinas and Georgia.

And the Native Americans, who were here first of all, had no reason to love any of them.

We are all immigrants. We've all been the despised newcomer. In fifty years, when the South American migration is over, we will likely see a great wave of immigrants from South Asia or China. And it will all happen again as the assimilated 3rd generation Mexicans protest against them.

[SmokingJacket]

40. Move out as soon as possible.

I get along SO much better with my parents now that we live three hours apart. I can't tell you what a relief it's been...

That was almost twenty years ago and I still relish my freedom, every day.

(I don't know if you can talk her out of her racism at the moment. Maybe when you're out on your own she'll listen to you ... but maybe not then either.)