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I finally had to stop reading anything about that child being handcuffed because of the lack of empathy shown in so many cases.
Like you, I had a child (adopted) who suffered from an "invisible" condition that made him socially very difficult. He had Fetal Alcohol Effect, as a result of his biological parents' drinking habits. He looked perfectly normal, unlike a child who has full blown Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, who will "look" disabled - yet his behavior was typical - inability to concentrate, inability to comprehend passage of time, inability to understand money, little or no impulse control, little or no comprehension of the consequences of his actions, little or no ability to empathize with other people.
During my years of raising this child, I was branded a bad mother. I was called "white trash" because I had to leave my profession to be at home at all times, which meant that we were quite poor, and many people assumed that we were on welfare, which we weren't. I've been called "welfare whore" to my face more than once. I was called "uncooperative" by school authorities when they wanted to corporally punish him and refused to accept the diagnoses of the dozens of specialists I had taken him to. The school authorities wanted him on Ritalin, which made his seizure disorder worse and made him wildly hyperactive and violent. No number of telephone calls from doctors who had seen my son would budge the school authorities from their determination that he be drugged, even when the doctors explained that he could NOT take Ritalin or any similar drug. And nothing could convince them that making a "contract" with a Fetal Alcohol Effect child is pointless, because the child does not comprehend the concept of a contract, and does not understand the consequences of his actions.
AT THE REQUEST OF THE SCHOOL, I homeschooled him for two years. He made great strides. Outstripped my ability to teach math (my ex-husband took over), was beyond grade level in all subjects. Had begun, with careful and consistent teaching and with firmly set limits, to comprehend the consequences of his actions and get his impulsivness under control. He asked to return to school, and after many meetings with the various school authorities and faculty, he returned. They were given all our records, all his schoolwork, all doctor and therapist records for that two year period. I filled them in on the techniques I'd used to cope with his disability. Everything seemed hunky dory. He was in a special education class with only four other kids. He was motivated to return to school, and more than academically ready, by the decree of the school authorities.
Within TWO WEEKS we were back to square one. They wanted him on Ritalin, and no matter who told them that this child COULD NOT TAKE RITALIN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, they continued to demand it. They expected no academic excellence from him, but praised him for anything he did, no matter how poorly done. Eventually he would just scribble on a page and hand it in, to get a big smiley face sticker! And they started making "contracts" with him again, even though several child psychologists and psychiatrists had told them this was an ineffective way of dealing with this particular child.
By then, I was labelled "uncooperative" by the school authorities, because I wouldn't give him Ritalin which would make him sick and I disagreed with his IEP, which was finally presented to me four months after he returned to school. I was reported for "medical neglect" to CPS by the school. CPS determined that this accusation was entirely unfounded, but let me tell you, going through an investigation, even when one is innocent, is a nerve-wracking and terrifying experience. The entire house of cards came crashing down the day his teacher choked him with his coat collar, making a huge welt on his neck and bruising his larynx - because he had been rolling a Matchbox car up and down the door of the classroom while waiting in line to go to his bus (a Matchbox car the teacher had given him, I would never have sent him to school with a toy). So much for the educational authorities being "experts" on how to deal with a special education student they had received tons of diagnostic information about.
We cannot sit in judgement on the five year old or her mother. That child could have an "invisible" disorder like autism, Asberger's, fetal alcohol effect or any number of other things. We don't know all of the mother's story. If she is poorly educated, or suffers from a mental disorder herself, she may be incapable of understanding the situation. We don't know her work situation. I have indeed worked jobs where I wasn't allowed to leave at a moment's notice, not matter what emergency was at hand - this is one reason why I left work entirely to be available for my child. If this woman is low income, she may not be able to leave without being fired - and then what options will be open to her and her children?
Who knows what the little girl's story might be? Nothing I've read says that there is a long history of problems at school, and I note that it's near the end of the school year in America - if the school had a long list of transgressions, would they have brought it up? Also, after this incident, she attended another school, and there is no mention in the media that she is causing similar problems there. There was one other incident that week, where the police were also called - I would think, if there was a long history of trouble with the child, the school would have been sure to make that known. Perhaps something is going very, very wrong with the little girl.
People mention that the mother was being evicted - did anything say why she is being evicted? People can be evicted for many reasons, not just for having unruly children. She might have not paid the rent, the building might be due to be torn down, she might have come to the end of her lease and be unable to pay increased rent. I've been evicted in the past - this doesn't automatically mean that one is a deadbeat or a lousy neighbor or a bad parent. I don't doubt that her parenting skills could use improvement, but who knows what might be going on under the surface of rather superficial news stories.
I can say this too - my son was found to be a Type One Diabetic, on top of his other problems. Until this was diagnosed, his behavior was very much out of control, due to the imbalance in his glucose levels. He would engage in just such behavior as this girl did. When we got a diagnosis and he was on an appropriate treatment program, his behavior improved markedly. This could be the case with this five year old girl - another "invisible" problem.
There are a plethora of problems that are possible, and the reporting on this event has been geared strictly toward exploitation and shock value. I also feel the assistant principal involved really mishandled the situation. If the child was picking up things and dropping them on the floor (I have read here that she was throwing things, but I didn't see her throw anything in the twenty-odd minute video I watched), why would the assistant principal take her to a room absolutely crammed with things that could be picked up and dropped or thrown? That office was absolutely cluttered with stuff - why take a child who is acting out in there? Why not take her to the gym, a bathroom, somewhere where she couldn't pick up things and drop/throw them? Why did the assistant principal just keep on saying no-no-no when it obviously didn't work? Why didn't she ask her what was wrong? Why was the door kept open while people watched the child misbehaving, whispering and commenting? Why was this in view of the other children, who passed by outside the office door?
I've taught special ed kids, and I've never seen anything done so very publicly, including the videotaping of the situation in the office. I can understand that the teacher had the videotape going in the classroom as a "self criticism" exercise, but the videotape is also running at the office. In my experience, when a kid is acting out, one of the things most schools do is to remove the child's audience, and get them out of the view of the other kids. This in itself often acts as a deterrent, as the kid now no longer has anyone to perform for. Instead, it seems from that office video that plenty of people were gathered around, taping the event and commenting, while the kids went by outside on their way to the schoolbusses.
I can fully understand why the school authorities are frustrated and tired of dealing with this child and her mother, yes - but the situation from the get-go was mishandled. And I can't, no matter how hard I try, comprehend why the police had to handcuff her and take her away in the squad car, particularly when the mother had stated that she could get to the school at three-fifteen, to see about the situation. If the school authorities feel that this situation is so severe that they have to call the police, why haven't they referred this case to CPS - and why didn't the police do so after they were called out earlier in that week?
The five year old girl needs help, and chances are, now that her mother has left the state, she will not be getting it. I thank you for telling your story, because it might help folks realize that all is not always as it appears.
I'm so glad you got a diagnosis for your son. Sometimes it takes years to come up with something that works for a child with a disorder that is not visible to the average person, and it can be a very heartbreaking and frustrating time indeed, particularly if the child is of school age and is not receiving special education he or she might need. Best of luck to you.
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