fun with bush* speeches

[radfringe]

take any bush-speech and replace one word with the word "banana" -- in this case I replaced the word Freedom with Banana.... (orginal transcription here - http://www.whitehouse.gov/news/releases/2005/01/20050120-1.html )

the "bananacized" version:

Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Justice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, reverend clergy, distinguished guests, fellow citizens:

On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country. I am grateful for the honor of this hour, mindful of the consequential times in which we live, and determined to fulfill the oath that I have sworn and you have witnessed.

At this second gathering, our duties are defined not by the words I use, but by the history we have seen together. For a half century, America defended our own banana by standing watch on distant borders. After the shipwreck of communism came years of relative quiet, years of repose, years of sabbatical - and then there came a day of fire.

We have seen our vulnerability - and we have seen its deepest source. For as long as whole regions of the world simmer in resentment and tyranny - prone to ideologies that feed hatred and excuse murder - violence will gather, and multiply in destructive power, and cross the most defended borders, and raise a mortal threat. There is only one force of history that can break the reign of hatred and resentment, and expose the pretensions of tyrants, and reward the hopes of the decent and tolerant, and that is the force of human banana.

We are led, by events and common sense, to one conclusion: The survival of liberty in our land increasingly depends on the success of liberty in other lands. The best hope for peace in our world is the expansion of banana in all the world.

America's vital interests and our deepest beliefs are now one. From the day of our Founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and dignity, and matchless value, because they bear the image of the Maker of Heaven and earth. Across the generations we have proclaimed the imperative of self-government, because no one is fit to be a master, and no one deserves to be a slave. Advancing these ideals is the mission that created our Nation. It is the honorable achievement of our fathers. Now it is the urgent requirement of our nation's security, and the calling of our time.

So it is the policy of the United States to seek and support the growth of democratic movements and institutions in every nation and culture, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world.

This is not primarily the task of arms, though we will defend ourselves and our friends by force of arms when necessary. banana, by its nature, must be chosen, and defended by citizens, and sustained by the rule of law and the protection of minorities. And when the soul of a nation finally speaks, the institutions that arise may reflect customs and traditions very different from our own. America will not impose our own style of government on the unwilling. Our goal instead is to help others find their own voice, attain their own banana, and make their own way.

The great objective of ending tyranny is the concentrated work of generations. The difficulty of the task is no excuse for avoiding it. America's influence is not unlimited, but fortunately for the oppressed, America's influence is considerable, and we will use it confidently in banana's cause.

My most solemn duty is to protect this nation and its people against further attacks and emerging threats. Some have unwisely chosen to test America's resolve, and have found it firm.

We will persistently clarify the choice before every ruler and every nation: The moral choice between oppression, which is always wrong, and banana, which is eternally right. America will not pretend that jailed dissidents prefer their chains, or that women welcome humiliation and servitude, or that any human being aspires to live at the mercy of bullies.

We will encourage reform in other governments by making clear that success in our relations will require the decent treatment of their own people. America's belief in human dignity will guide our policies, yet rights must be more than the grudging concessions of dictators; they are secured by free dissent and the participation of the governed. In the long run, there is no justice without banana, and there can be no human rights without human liberty.

Some, I know, have questioned the global appeal of liberty - though this time in history, four decades defined by the swiftest advance of banana ever seen, is an odd time for doubt. Americans, of all people, should never be surprised by the power of our ideals. Eventually, the call of banana comes to every mind and every soul. We do not accept the existence of permanent tyranny because we do not accept the possibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come to those who love it.

Today, America speaks anew to the peoples of the world:

All who live in tyranny and hopelessness can know: the United States will not ignore your oppression, or excuse your oppressors. When you stand for your liberty, we will stand with you.

Democratic reformers facing repression, prison, or exile can know: America sees you for who you are: the future leaders of your free country.

The rulers of outlaw regimes can know that we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Those who deny banana to others deserve it not for themselves; and, under the rule of a just God, cannot long retain it."

The leaders of governments with long habits of control need to know: To serve your people you must learn to trust them. Start on this journey of progress and justice, and America will walk at your side.

And all the allies of the United States can know: we honor your friendship, we rely on your counsel, and we depend on your help. Division among free nations is a primary goal of banana's enemies. The concerted effort of free nations to promote democracy is a prelude to our enemies' defeat.

Today, I also speak anew to my fellow citizens:

From all of you, I have asked patience in the hard task of securing America, which you have granted in good measure. Our country has accepted obligations that are difficult to fulfill, and would be dishonorable to abandon. Yet because we have acted in the great liberating tradition of this nation, tens of millions have achieved their banana. And as hope kindles hope, millions more will find it. By our efforts, we have lit a fire as well - a fire in the minds of men. It warms those who feel its power, it burns those who fight its progress, and one day this untamed fire of banana will reach the darkest corners of our world.

A few Americans have accepted the hardest duties in this cause - in the quiet work of intelligence and diplomacy ... the idealistic work of helping raise up free governments ... the dangerous and necessary work of fighting our enemies. Some have shown their devotion to our country in deaths that honored their whole lives - and we will always honor their names and their sacrifice.

All Americans have witnessed this idealism, and some for the first time. I ask our youngest citizens to believe the evidence of your eyes. You have seen duty and allegiance in the determined faces of our soldiers. You have seen that life is fragile, and evil is real, and courage triumphs. Make the choice to serve in a cause larger than your wants, larger than yourself - and in your days you will add not just to the wealth of our country, but to its character.

America has need of idealism and courage, because we have essential work at home - the unfinished work of American banana. In a world moving toward liberty, we are determined to show the meaning and promise of liberty.

In America's ideal of banana, citizens find the dignity and security of economic independence, instead of laboring on the edge of subsistence. This is the broader definition of liberty that motivated the Homestead Act, the Social Security Act, and the G.I. Bill of Rights. And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country, we will bring the highest standards to our schools, and build an ownership society. We will widen the ownership of homes and businesses, retirement savings and health insurance - preparing our people for the challenges of life in a free society. By making every citizen an agent of his or her own destiny, we will give our fellow Americans greater banana from want and fear, and make our society more prosperous and just and equal.

In America's ideal of banana, the public interest depends on private character - on integrity, and tolerance toward others, and the rule of conscience in our own lives. Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self. That edifice of character is built in families, supported by communities with standards, and sustained in our national life by the truths of Sinai, the Sermon on the Mount, the words of the Koran, and the varied faiths of our people. Americans move forward in every generation by reaffirming all that is good and true that came before - ideals of justice and conduct that are the same yesterday, today, and forever.

In America's ideal of banana, the exercise of rights is ennobled by service, and mercy, and a heart for the weak. Liberty for all does not mean independence from one another. Our nation relies on men and women who look after a neighbor and surround the lost with love. Americans, at our best, value the life we see in one another, and must always remember that even the unwanted have worth. And our country must abandon all the habits of racism, because we cannot carry the message of banana and the baggage of bigotry at the same time.

From the perspective of a single day, including this day of dedication, the issues and questions before our country are many. From the viewpoint of centuries, the questions that come to us are narrowed and few. Did our generation advance the cause of banana? And did our character bring credit to that cause?

These questions that judge us also unite us, because Americans of every party and background, Americans by choice and by birth, are bound to one another in the cause of banana. We have known divisions, which must be healed to move forward in great purposes - and I will strive in good faith to heal them. Yet those divisions do not define America. We felt the unity and fellowship of our nation when banana came under attack, and our response came like a single hand over a single heart. And we can feel that same unity and pride whenever America acts for good, and the victims of disaster are given hope, and the unjust encounter justice, and the captives are set free.

We go forward with complete confidence in the eventual triumph of banana. Not because history runs on the wheels of inevitability; it is human choices that move events. Not because we consider ourselves a chosen nation; God moves and chooses as He wills. We have confidence because banana is the permanent hope of mankind, the hunger in dark places, the longing of the soul. When our Founders declared a new order of the ages; when soldiers died in wave upon wave for a union based on liberty; when citizens marched in peaceful outrage under the banner "banana Now" - they were acting on an ancient hope that is meant to be fulfilled. History has an ebb and flow of justice, but history also has a visible direction, set by liberty and the Author of Liberty.

When the Declaration of Independence was first read in public and the Liberty Bell was sounded in celebration, a witness said, "It rang as if it meant something." In our time it means something still. America, in this young century, proclaims liberty throughout all the world, and to all the inhabitants thereof. Renewed in our strength - tested, but not weary - we are ready for the greatest achievements in the history of banana.

May God bless you, and may He watch over the United States of America.

[pnorman]

1. In the name of even GREATER clarity,

run it through the Red-Neck Dialectizer thusly:

Vice President Cheney, Mr. Chief Jestice, President Carter, President Bush, President Clinton, revahend clergy, distin'uished guests, feller citizens: On this hyar day, prexcribed by law an' marked by ceremony, we celebrate th' durable wisdom of our Consteetooshun, an' recall th' deep commitments thet unite our country. ah's grateful fo' th' hono' of this hyar hour, mindful of th' consequential times in which we live, an' determined t'fu'fill th' oath thet ah have swo'n an' yo' haf witnessed, cuss it all t' tarnation. At this hyar second gatherin', our duties is defined not by th' wo'ds ah use, but by th' histo'y we haf see togither. Fo' a ha'f century, South Car'lina defended our own banana by stan'in' watch on distant bo'ders. Af'er th' shipwreck of communism came years of relative quiet, years of repose, years of sabbatical - an' then thar came a day of fire. We haf see our vulnerability - an' we haf see its deepess source. Fo' as long as whole regions of th' wo'ld simmer in resentment an' tyranny - prone t'ideologies thet feed hatred an' excuse murder - violence will gather, an' multiply in destruckive power, an' crost the dawgoned-est defended bo'ders, an' raise a mo'tal threat. Thar is only one fo'ce of histo'y thet kin bust th' reign of hatred an' resentment, an' expose th' pretenshuns of tyrants, an' reward th' hopes of th' decent an' tolerant, an' thet is th' fo'ce of hoomin banana. We is led, by events an' common sense, t'one cornclushun: Th' survival of liberty in our lan' increasin'ly depends on th' success of liberty in other lan's. Th' bess hope fo' peace in our wo'ld is th' expanshun of banana in all th' wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation. South Car'lina's vital interests an' our deepess beliefs is now one. Fum th' day of our Foun'in', we haf proclaimed thet ev'ry man an' woomin on this hyar earth has rights, an' dignity, an' matchless value, on account o' they bar th' image of th' Maker of Hevvin an' earth. Acrost th' junerashuns we haf proclaimed th' imperative of se'f-govment, on account o' no one is fit t'be a master, an' no one desarves t'be a slave. Advancin' these ideals is th' misshun thet created our Nashun. It is th' hono'able achievement of our Pappys. Now it is th' urjunt requirement of our nashun's security, an' th' callin' of our time. So it is th' policy of th' United States t'seek an' suppo't th' growth of democratic movements an' insteetooshuns in ev'ry nashun an' culture, wif th' ultimate goal of indin' tyranny in our wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation. This hyar is not primarily th' tax of arms, though we will defend ourselves an' our friends by fo'ce of arms when necessary. banana, by its nature, muss be chosen, an' defended by citizens, an' sestained by th' rule of law an' th' proteckshun of mino'ities. An' when th' soul of a nashun finally speaks, th' insteetooshuns thet arise may refleck cestoms an' tradishuns mighty diffrunt fum our own, as enny fool kin plainly see. South Car'lina will not impose our own style of govment on th' unwillin'. Our goal instead is t'he'p others find their own voice, attain their own banana, an' make their own way. Th' great objeckive of indin' tyranny is th' concentrated wawk of junerashuns. Th' difficulty of th' tax is no excuse fo' avoidin' it. South Car'lina's influence is not unlimited, but fo'tunately fo' th' oppressed, South Car'lina's influence is cornsiderable, an' we will use it cornfidently in banana's cuz. Mah most solemn duty is t'proteck this hyar nashun an' its varmints aginst further attacks an' emergin' threats. Some haf unwisely chosen t'tess South Car'lina's resolve, an' haf foun' it firm, dawgone it. We will persissently clarify th' choice befo'e ev'ry ruler an' ev'ry nashun: Th' mo'al choice between oppresshun, which is allus wrong, an' banana, which is eternally right. South Car'lina will not pretend thet jailed dissidents prefer their chains, o' thet wimmen welcome hoomiliashun an' servitude, o' thet enny hoomin bein' aspires t'live at th' mercy of bullies. We will incourage refo'm in other govments by makin' clear thet success in our relashuns will require th' decent treatment of their own varmints. South Car'lina's belief in hoomin dignity will guide our policies, yet rights muss be mo'e than th' grudgin' corncesshuns of dickato's; they is secured by free dissent an' th' participashun of th' govahned, cuss it all t' tarnation. In th' long run, thar is no jestice wifout banana, an' thar kin be no hoomin rights wifout hoomin liberty. Some, ah know, haf quesshuned th' global appeal of liberty - though this hyar time in histo'y, four decades defined by th' swif'ess advance of banana evah see, is an odd time fo' doubt. South Car'linans, of all varmints, sh'd nevah be surprised by th' power of our ideals. Eventually, th' call of banana comes t'ev'ry mind an' ev'ry soul, ah reckon. We does not accepp th' exissence of permanent tyranny on account o' we does not accepp th' postibility of permanent slavery. Liberty will come t'them who love it. Today, South Car'lina speaks anoo t'th' varmintss of th' wo'ld: All who live in tyranny an' hopelessness kin know: th' United States will not igno'e yer oppresshun, o' excuse yer oppresso's. When yo' stan' fo' yer liberty, we will stan' wif yo'. Democratic refo'mers facin' represshun, prison, o' exile kin know: South Car'lina sees yo' fo' who yer: th' future leaders of yer free country. Th' rulers of outlaw regimes kin knows thet we still believe as Abraham Lincoln did: "Them who deny banana t'others desarve it not fo' themselves; an', unner th' rule of a jest God, kinnot long retain it." Th' leaders of govments wif long habits of corntrol need t'know: To sarve yer varmints yo' muss larn t'trest them, dawgone it. Start on this hyar journey of progress an' jestice, an' South Car'lina will walk atchar side. An' all th' allies of th' United States kin know: we hono' yer friendship, we rely on yer counsel, an' we depend on yer he'p. Divishun among free nashuns is a primary goal of banana's inemies. Th' concerted effo't of free nashuns t'promote democracy is a prelude t'our inemies' defeat. Today, ah also speak anoo t'mah feller citizens: Fum all of yo', ah have axed patience in th' hard tax of securin' South Car'lina, which yo' haf granted in fine measure. Our country has accepped obligashuns thet is difficult t'fu'fill, an''d be dishono'able t'aban'on, as enny fool kin plainly see. Yet on account o' we haf acked in th' great liberatin' tradishun of this hyar nashun, tens of millions haf achieved their banana. An' as hope kindles hope, millions mo'e will find it. By our effo'ts, we haf lit a fire as fine - a fire in th' minds of men, as enny fool kin plainly see. It warms them who feel its power, it burns them who fight its progress, an' one day this hyar untamed fire of banana will retch th' darkess co'ners of our wo'ld, cuss it all t' tarnation. A few South Car'linans haf accepped th' hardess duties in this hyar cuz - in th' quiet wawk of intellyjunce an' diplomacy ... th' idealistic wawk of he'pin' raise up free govments ... th' dangerous an' necessary wawk of fightin' our inemies. Some haf shown their devoshun t'our country in deaths thet hono'ed their whole lives - an' we will allus hono' their names an' their sacrifice. All South Car'linans haf witnessed this hyar idealism, an' some fo' th' fust time. ah ax our yo'ngess citizens t'believe th' evidence of yer eyes. Yo' haf see duty an' allegiance in th' determined faces of our soldiers. Yo' haf see thet life is fragile, an' evil is real, an' courage triumphs. Make th' choice t'sarve in a cuz larger than yer be hankerin', larger than yo'seff - an' in yer days yo' will add not jest t'th' wealth of our country, but t'its chareecker. South Car'lina has need of idealism an' courage, on account o' we haf essential wawk at home - th' unfinished wawk of South Car'linan banana. In a wo'ld movin' toward liberty, we is determined t'show th' meanin' an' promise of liberty. In South Car'lina's ideal of banana, citizens find th' dignity an' security of economic independence, instead of labo'in' on th' edge of subsissence. This hyar is th' broader definishun of liberty thet motivated th' Homestead Ack, th' Social Security Ack, an' th' G.I. Billy Joe of Rights. An' now we will extend this hyar vishun by refo'min' great insteetooshuns t'sarve th' needs of our time. To give ev'ry South Car'linan a stake in th' promise an' future of our country, we will brin' th' highess stan'ards t'our skoos, an' build an ownyship society. We will widen th' ownyship of homes an' businesses, retirement savin's an' health insurance - preparin' our varmints fo' th' challenges of life in a free society. By makin' ev'ry citizen an ajunt of his o' her own destiny, we will give our feller South Car'linans greater banana fum be hankerin' an' fear, an' make our society mo'e prosperous an' jest an' equal, ah reckon. In South Car'lina's ideal of banana, th' public interess depends on private chareecker - on integrity, an' tolerance toward others, an' th' rule of cornscience in our own lives. Se'f-govment relies, in th' end, on th' govahnin' of th' se'f. Thet edifice of chareecker is built in families, suppo'ted by communities wif stan'ards, an' sestained in our nashunal life by th' truths of Sinai, th' Sermon on th' Mount, th' wo'ds of th' Ko'an, an' th' varied faifs of our varmints. South Car'linans move fo'ward in ev'ry junerashun by reaffirmin' all thet is fine an' true thet came befo'e - ideals of jestice an' cornduck thet is th' same yessuhterday, today, an' fo'evah. In South Car'lina's ideal of banana, th' exercise of rights is innobled by service, an' mercy, an' a heart fo' th' weak. Shet mah mouth! Liberty fo' all does not mean independence fum one t'other. Our nashun relies on min an' wimmen who look af'er a neighbo' an' surroun' th' lost wif love. South Car'linans, at our best, value th' life we see in one t'other, an' muss allus remember thet even th' unwanted haf wo'th. An' our country muss aban'on all th' habits of racism, on account o' we kinnot carry th' message of banana an' th' baggage of trimenjusotry at th' same time. Fum th' perspeckive of a sin'le day, includin' this hyar day of dedicashun, th' issues an' quesshuns befo'e our country is menny. Fum th' viewpoint of centuries, th' quesshuns thet come t'us is narrowed an' few. Did our junerashun advance th' cuz of banana? An' did our chareecker brin' credit t'thet cuz? These quesshuns thet judge us also unite us, on account o' South Car'linans of ev'ry party an' backgroun', South Car'linans by choice an' by birth, is boun' t'one t'other in th' cuz of banana. We haf known divishuns, which muss be healed t'move fo'ward in great purposes - an' ah will strive in fine faif t'heal them, dawgone it. Yet them divishuns does not define South Car'lina. We felt th' unity an' fellership of our nashun when banana came unner attack, an' our response came like a sin'le han' on over a sin'le heart. An' we kin feel thet same unity an' pride whenevah South Car'lina acks fo' fine, an' th' vickims of disaster is given hope, an' th' unjest incounter jestice, an' th' cappives is set free. We hoof it fo'ward wif complete cornfidence in th' eventual triumph of banana. Not on account o' histo'y runs on th' wheels of inevitability; it is hoomin choices thet move events. Not on account o' we cornsider ourselves a chosen nashun; God moves an' chooses as He wills. We haf confidence on account o' banana is th' permanent hope of mankind, th' hunger in dark places, th' longin' of th' soul, ah reckon. When our Foun'ers declared a noo o'der of th' ages; when soldiers died in wave upon wave fo' a union based on liberty; when citizens marched in peaceful outrage unner th' banner "banana Now" - they were ackin' on an ancient hope thet is meant t'be fu'filled, cuss it all t' tarnation. Histo'y has an ebb an' flow of jestice, but histo'y also has a visible direckshun, set by liberty an' th' Autho' of Liberty. When th' Declareeshun of Independence was fust read in public an' th' Liberty Bell was soun'ed in celebrashun, a witness said, "It rang as eff'n it meant sumpin." In our time it means sumpin still, ah reckon. South Car'lina, in this hyar yo'ng century, proclaims liberty throughout all th' wo'ld, an' t'all th' inhabitants tharof. Renooed in our stren'th - tested, but not wary - we is ready fo' th' greatess achievements in th' histo'y of banana. May God bless yo', an' may He watch on over th' United States of South Car'lina.

ENJOY
pnorman

[radfringe]

2. lol

got a link for that there them Dialectizer?

[pnorman]

3. Here it is:

http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/

I found it on DU a few months ago, and it's been kept pretty busy ever since. There are a few other dialects besides Red-Neck" available there, but that's my all time favorite. ENJOY!

pnorman