My tongue was BLOODY after this one! "We call Black Bubbas DEMOCRATS."

[in_cog_ni_to]

First, let me tell you that I could NOT respond to these "relatives" because I was at my dad's wake/funeral :cry: and it was not the place nor time for a political fight and I was in no condition emotionally to take it on, but I was SOOOOOOOOOOO pissed off at these people, I didn't speak another word to them after this conversation. :grr: I knew if I did, there would have been words spoken that weren't appropriate for the day. Out of respect for my DEMOCRATIC father :hug: I BIT MY TONGUE BLOODY and suffered. :grr:

I was sitting with my sister-in-law and 2 nieces having a nice little chat when my Uncle (married to my dad's sister) and cousins from Houma, Louisiana came and sat with us. One of my cousin's nickname is "Bubba." My sister-in-law, who lives here in Illinois, had never met him and said, "I was expecting a BIG guy since they call you Bubba." He says, "Yeah, most people expect a "big BLACK Bubba" and are usually surprised to see I'm an average sized white guy. "In Louisiana we call those Big Black Bubbas DEMOCRATS. *&^%$#$%^&&*(*&^%% This is where the tongue biting started. *!@#$%^ THEN, my uncle says, "Every time we see a black bubba walking down the street we say "there goes a Democrat." &^%$!@#$%^& THEN!!!!!!! my cousin starts talking about his job and how he doesn't work offshore anymore so he can take care of his son (single dad) and his company HALLIBURTON !@#$%%$#@! has an apartment in the French Quarter where the employees can stay so they don't have to travel home if they don't want to or are working a late shift. Knowing he works for Halliburton DISGUSTED me beyond words. He acted like he was just so proud of the fact that he works for Halliburton! I'm telling you my blood pressure and tongue took a HUGE toll.

My sister (another radical LIBERAL) also told me one of the most DISGUSTING, RACIST jokes that he told. She was APPALLED at what was coming out of this guys mouth! I REFUSE to repeat his joke. Just take my word for it, this guy was one of the most racist, bigoted, disgusting people I've ever talked to and he's related to me!!!!! :cry:

I cannot believe these people were talking the way they were to us. They just assumed ? we were repukes? or racists? or they just didn't give a shit what we thought? I don't know???!!!! They were VERY comfortable in their racist clothing. :grr: IT MADE ME SICK!! RACISM IS ALIVE AND WELL IN THE GOOD OLD USA! :grr:

[tk2kewl]

1. I keep saying that immovable 30% that always supports the RW...

is essentially the Klan.

[in_cog_ni_to]

4. I agree.

and I think my relatives are members. :(

[Lerkfish]

6. sounds about right.

and RW politicians know the right "code" to reach them: "affirmative action/quotas" (bigotry against blacks), "illegal immigration"(bigotry against hispanics), "hollyweird"(bigotry against Jews) "sanctity of marriage" (bigotry against gays).

[bunkerbuster1]

49. yeah, check out this LTE in today's Atlanta Journal Constitution

It was in reply to a story reporting a less-than-fifty percent graduation rate among Georgia's minorities:

http://www.ajc.com/opinion/content/opinion/letters/index.html

The subhead over the article should have read "More than half of some minorities choose not to earn a diploma on time."

The school system gives everyone equal opportunity to graduate. It's each student's responsibility, with coaching from their family, to take personal responsibility and earn their diploma on time. It is unrealistic to continually expect the government to fill the void left by individuals ignoring personal responsibility, be it students or their parents.

JOHN MARSHALL, Norcross


That's the respectable face of racism today.

[JitterbugPerfume]

8. well, you did the right thing

under the circumstances. I have some cousins in the South who are like that guy .I can not believe that we have the same genes sometimes

[mark414]

2. it has always been alive and well

always

[Coexist]

3. I know - you try to be even-tempered around these people

but I always wonder at when I cross the "silence indicates consent" line. It is a tough call.

(on edit) I am very sorry about your loss, take care.

[in_cog_ni_to]

5. Thank you. n/t

[Lerkfish]

7. I agree with the OP, however, a funeral is not the place to challenge this

enough emotional trauma for one day, without piling ontop of it.

sorry for the loss of the OP.

[Coexist]

10. totally agree but I'm in a red county, I struggle with it everyday.

Your father's funeral should be a time to remember and mourn, not bicker over politics. These people should have been better guests and not tossed around charged statements like that.

[Lerkfish]

31. speaking as one whose family was torn apart at my father's funeral,

over something stupid, I think it is the worst day and place to make any kind of stand.
I know, because I did, and have not heard from one side of my family for over 8 yrs.
Not that I really miss them, they were absolute jerks just in general, but I think it really made a difficult day unbearable for all concerned.
If I had just let it go, even though they were being horrible, I would have felt better about it.

I'm just saying.

[in_cog_ni_to]

32. I'm sorry that happened to you Lerkfish.

:hug: I know hindsight is 20/20. Sometimes one would do things differently when looking back. You did what you needed to do at the moment. :hug:

[Lerkfish]

37. hey! we're supposed to comforting YOU...

so be comforted. Sorry, didn't mean to make this about me.

But if it makes you feel better, your situation was nowhere as bad as it COULD have been.

There's a lot more grief, but here in a nutshell:

My stepmother always treated us natural children of my father like crap, and took care of her own children over us. We are all grown up now, but that still is the bulk of our memories.

so, We (the REAL son and daughters) of my dad drive in from various states to the funeral.
Again, we're treated like we are the stepchildren. The step family says a lot of hateful things to us during the visitation, my stepmother takes the food we brought to the wake and dumps it off the back porch....that sort of thing.
But what really cinched it all was my stepmother's family, a large one of cousins and whatnot, took up the whole first three rows at the funeral...there was no place for us, the real children and our families to sit. Then, they get ready to close to casket, and the funeral director kicks us out saying "let's let the family have some time" referring to my stepmother and her family, all who are allowed to be there when they close the casket, but we are locked out of the room...

there's a whole lot more, but that's the nutshell.
At the church fellowship hall afterwards, I had a huge argument with my stepsister ...

anways, no need to go further, but if I had just let it go, I could have addressed it later and had a lot less acrimony.

[CitySky]

41. what psychos.

sorry you had to go through all that. :hug:

[Lerkfish]

67. thanks for the hug...and yes, they were psychos.

I remember because I lived far away from my home town, when I met my second wife, and I tried to warn her about my stepmother and the family situation, and she being the optimist kept saying "oh, they can't be that bad, they're your family".
Then, when she first came with me to meet them when we were engaged, she says to her "Gee, I hear all stewardesses are whores." My wife was a flight attendant at the time.

By the end of the weekend, my very loving, optimistic, always looking the bright side wife to be told me in the car "I never, ever want to stay the night here again."
I just laughed and said "see?".

;)

[in_cog_ni_to]

43. OMG, Lerk, I don't think I could have let that one slide either!

His biological children were not included in the closing of the casket?%$#@ and YOU and your siblings should have been in the front rows at his funeral. He was YOUR father, not theirs. :grr: Your stepmother sounds like a true "wicked stepmother" and the funeral director should be ashamed of himself. :grr:

[Lerkfish]

66. well, I only gave you about one-fifth of what went on, but even so...

In hindsight, I really accomplished nothing by losing my cool. and it led to a really awful experience at the gravesite where the assigned pallbearers on the step family refused to carry the casket because of the argument with my stepsister. So it was my 14 year old nephew, my sister, and me who had to lug the casket from the hearse to the grave lowering thing.
If you've ever been a pallbearer...three people is not enough to lift an average casket. We almost dropped it while my stupid stepbrothers in law and stepcousins just glared at us.

If I had waited until after the service, I could have still spoken my mind, but it would have been a lot less stressful for everyone involved.

and in defense of the funeral director, he did NOT know there was any natural children. My stepmother had only told him about her own children, so he was ignorant when he locked us out...still hurt, though. The stepfamily had the advantage of living in my home town so they had already arranged everything by the time we could travel there.

anyhow, sorry again, this is not about me, it just still has a resonance (obviously), and all the more so for me not waiting...cause now I have guilt about the whole thing, too, when I really shouldn't. My stepmother is just a ....well, witch.

When my first wife died, in the limo to the graveside, she told me "you know, if you'd been right with god, she'd still be alive". I am a christian, just not a right-wing zealot christian.

like I said, I've not heard from them for eight years, and even though I have no problem with that since I never really want to see them again, it still makes me feel guilty.

[in_cog_ni_to]

68. Damn. I can't believe not one person

stepped up to help you carry the casket. :cry: What a sad story. You are so much better off with those people out of your life. They sound like they're toxic. And that wicked stepmother! Egads. "if you'd been right with g-d, she'd still be alive" !@#$%^%$#@ What kind of thing is that to say to a grieving husband? Damn. My heart breaks for you and your siblings. Did your dad know she was such a wench? If so, I hope he's haunting her. :grr:

[Lerkfish]

69. lol, well, my dad was his own piece of work....

he was kind of an enabler to the stepmother...as well as having his own problems.
It was a very dysfunctional situation. I think they were kind of a good match, if that tells you something.

when my stepmother said that at my wife's funeral, the only saving grace was that I was loaded on valiums from the doctor because of my intense grief, so I was too flatline to do what I really WANTED to do, which was punch her full force in the teeth. ha!

but yeah, I'm hoping that my father is haunting her sorry butt. actually, I'm hoping beelzebub is haunting her from the seventh concentric ring of hell...

kind of an orientation session for her future community. :)

[Hav]

70. .

I agree that funerals might not be the right place for a discussion and im also sorry for the loss of the original poster, but I think someting like "Hey, I'm a Democrat and I'm not a Racist and I don't like what you say and joke about during my father's funeral who btw happended to be Democrat,too.." might have shown him/them in a calm manner that what they do is not ok.

[DemBeans]

9. that's so sick, and sad

This guy must be totally insecure - racists almost always are, and his pride in working for Halliburton is telling as well. And I agree that it's always a deep insult when racists feel free to convey their bigotry with the expectation that you share it.

My thoughts are with your family, and with you. Take comfort in the fact that your father was a million times the man this bigot could ever be.

[in_cog_ni_to]

12. Thank you and dad detested Bush with every fiber of his being.

Now that he's gone and the Secret Service can't go after him....when he heard that Bush was trying to destroy Social Security he said, "Someone needs to assassinate his ass!" This was my 79 year old WWII/Korean War Vet dad who could barely walk, see or hear, yet he had ALL his faculties and knew what this regimes was all about.

[DemBeans]

15. I hear you...

My 70 year old mother screams whenever she sees Bush on television. I think our parents are, if possible, even more appalled by him because they lived through times of mainline Republicanism (and even remember soem liberal Republicans, something as extinct as the dinosaurs today). They know a total fraud when they see one.

[prodigal_green]

54. LOL

are we related? My 70 year old mom is exactly the same way!

My friends totally crack up whenever they hear me on the phone with my mother. Most of them say that at first they didn't realize I was talking to a relative until the end of the conversation when I say, "I love you." Our conversations are almost always about politics, with a brief summary of what the rest of the family is up to. Unlike most of my other friends, she NEVER nags me about getting married or dating or anything of that nature.

She's thinking of suing the government because she has had to increase the dosage of her blood-pressure medicine since the chimp took over.

[EST]

26. A wise man once told me,

"It is rare that members of a family grow up under the same roof."
We tend to venture out and find our true families. Please accept condolances from an honorary member of your family.

[in_cog_ni_to]

28. Thank you.

Profound words indeed and true. :hug:

[Lars39]

11. I'm so sorry, in_cog_ni_to.

:hug:

[in_cog_ni_to]

14. Thank you, Lars.

:hug:

[KC21304]

17. Sorry for your loss and your dad sounds like

wonderful guy. You did the right thing, and I hope you have a chance at some point to give these creatures a little enlightenment, if you know what I mean.

[in_cog_ni_to]

20. Thank You, KC.

I'm hoping I NEVER have to be in their presence ever again. :( They disgusted me. If there is ever a next time, they WILL BE enlightened. Trust me. :grr:

[Village Idiot]

13. No offense meant, but...

If you do not confront racist bigots, and explain to them how wrong they are and how unacceptable their behavior is, you do EVERYONE a disservice.

I would NEVER stand for it, I ALWAYS challenge those who tell "off-color" jokes and use racist language and racial epithets.

It is your duty as a human being, period. You do not have to be rude about it, either - just FIRM.

It's got nothing to do with political correctness, and everything to do with RESPECT.

[KC21304]

16. Yea, sure.

:crazy:

[in_cog_ni_to]

18. I was emotionally distraught over the death of my father.

He had fallen, had a brain hemorrhage, was expected to live and during the night had a MASSIVE brain hemorrhage, had brain surgery where they found the brain completely destroyed, was on life support for 2 days, taken off of life support and lived for another day and a half, breathing on his own and died. I was in NO CONDITION to take on that fight at that particular time. I just couldn't do it. I had just been through a week of pure hell, emotionally. Racism and politics wasn't a fight I could fight at that time.

If it had been any other occasion, I would NEVER have kept my big mouth shut. I never do.

[Marnieworld]

22. We know sweetie

It's ok. It was just another horrible thing being thrown in your lap. :hug:

[in_cog_ni_to]

30. Thank you, Marnieworld.

:hug:

[Catherine Vincent]

51. Sorry about the loss of your dad.

May he RIP.

[in_cog_ni_to]

71. Thank You, cat_girl25.

:hug:

[Marnieworld]

21. At your father's funeral though?

C'mon. Give her/him a break. Grieving is a physical experience as well as a mental/emotional one. I couldn't imagine having the energy to confront a bigot at the funeral of a loved one. In any other circumstance I'd agree with you but not this one.

[Pithy Cherub]

19. Most importantly, my profound sympathy

on the loss of your wonderful Dad! His legacy is You and the wonderful gifts and talents that he supported you in growing.
:hug:

ed: (Certain unselected members of) Your family and their behavior can be addressed at a time and place of your choosing. Racism is the refuge of scoundrels and the scared!

You did well in honoring your Dad! :pals:

[in_cog_ni_to]

25. Thank you.

He was wonderful. :hug:

[wicket]

23. I am so sorry for the loss of your father

:hug:

And I'm sorry that these idiots tried to ruin everything for you :grr:

[in_cog_ni_to]

29. Thank you, wicket.

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. Sorry about your dad and the fact that his relatives have so

little respect that they would do that at his funeral. My dad died a few years back and if someone said those things at his funeral, I'd tell them to leave and that they were dishonoring my father's memory.

[in_cog_ni_to]

27. You know, I wish I had had the presence of mind to say

"Dad was a DEMOCRAT." Damn. That would have been the thing to say. :( My mind wasn't there.

Thank you for your sympathy.

[ermoore]

33. ???

I should probably just keep my mouth shut, but what they said doesn't seem that horrible. I mean, not bad enough to draw blood over. Insensitive, maybe. Blood-drawing-offensive, let's not go that far.

Now that being said, I don't know what the joke was (was it at least funny?), and this isn't to say that this part of your family isn't a bunch of racist, asshole, klansman disguised in the garb of the Party of Lincoln. I mean, 90-95%-ish percent of African-Americans are Democrats. Your cousin was nicknamed Bubba, so it can't be that, right? What's the problem?

Well, thinkin' a bit more 'bout it and I guess, their tone probably implied they saw something wrong or bad with Democrats? And so if most African-American's are Democrats then they don't like most African-Americans? Is that it? I can why that would piss you off, but I doubt that they really thought it out that far and were just talking off the cuff, so to speak.

Gotta split, sorry, but I gotta get on the road and can't stick around for my skewering. I'll try and check in tomorrow. Really, I'm not trying to be an ass, I just don't see it as being more than insensitive.

Also, I am sorry for your loss. My condolences. Peace.

[in_cog_ni_to]

34. *sigh* Thank you for the condolences.

I just can't go into the Big Black Bubba/Democrat thingy. I just can't. If you don't understand it now, you never will. :(

[noiretextatique]

35. well, you weren't there, and it wasn't your father's funeral, was it?

a possible clue why it didn't affect you the way it did the poster...
this is one of those times your mother told you about...
you know, saying nothing vs. saying something and removing all doubt.

[noiretextatique]

36. my deepest condolences

and your relatives' behavior was reprehensible. you honored your father by not being baited by the dimwits. :hug:

[in_cog_ni_to]

38. Thank you, noiretblu.

:hug:

[Maat]

39. My deepest condolences.

Of course I wouldn't expect you to confront them at your beloved dad's funeral.

I believe Dad's energy will be a protective guiding force around you forever.

Take your time and heal. Then, if it would make you feel better, write Bigot a letter later.

[in_cog_ni_to]

45. Thank you.

:hug:

[annabanana]

40. Oh dear...

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been very difficult for you... and then to have to suffer those insufferable people at the funeral must have been nearly unbearable.

I sincerely hope that your paths do not have to cross again.

again,
sincere condolences to you and your real family..

[in_cog_ni_to]

47. Thank you, annabanana.

I don't plan on seeing them anytime soon, I hope. Again, Thank you for your condolences. :hug:

[deadparrot]

42. I'm so sorry.

That must have been an awful way to say goodbye to your dad.

My sympathies...racist relatives have a way of making you feel even worse, I know. :(

[in_cog_ni_to]

48. Thank You, deadparrot.

:hug: I was just aghast listening to the man. He was so disgusting and he works for HALLIBURTON! OMG. Just thinking about it makes me want to scream.

[Karenina]

44. My deepest condolences to you

and your family, In_cog_ni_to. Once you've vented I hope you will not waste a moment of thought on your "relatives." :hug:

[in_cog_ni_to]

46. Thank You, Karenina.

Luckily, we see "those" relatives about once every 10-20 years. Out of sight, out of mind, but he DID royally piss me off!

[Catherine Vincent]

50. Yes, it is alive and well.

And I hate it when some folks say that it is not. These folks are either ignorant or don't care because the racism doesn't affect them.

[in_cog_ni_to]

55. I know.

What REALLY bothered me was how "comfortable" he was in his racist talk. It didn't even occur to him that the 2 adults he was talking to were both Democrats who live in a BLUE state and apparently it didn't even enter his little pea brain that WE were not bigoted racists. It was obviously just everyday talk for him. Disgustng. Truly disgusting. :grr:

[Just Me]

52. Sending comfort.

:hug: Sorry for your loss and that ugly experience. :hug:

I have quite few left over bigots in my family, too. But, I guess I have somehow been successful in ending such ugly statements in my presence. They just don't make remarks like that around me. I've never yelled at them or anything. However, I cannot contain readable facial expressions and I have chided some of the ugliest among them.

There's NO excuse for such awful talk in such sensitive circumstances.

[in_cog_ni_to]

56. Thank You, Just Me.

:hug:

[cry baby]

53. So sorry for the loss of your dad.

It must be a sad time in your life.

Forget about the pig in human clothing. He is not worth contaminating your mind with. BTW, you ask - why are they so bold with their racism - I think they just don't care what anyone else thinks or feels. They're sh*t.

Proud of you for not getting into it at the funeral. You might have regretted that.

[in_cog_ni_to]

57. Thank You, cry baby.

:hug: He certainly didn't care. He didn't even stop to THINK about who I was or what I would think. He just said it. Blatant, pure and disgusting racism....right out in the open for all to hear.

[cry baby]

58. Bubba obviously didn't know your dad very well.

or he would have been sensitive to what your dad would have wanted the conversation to be like.

[in_cog_ni_to]

60. I don't think he's smart enough to care what dad was like or

smart enough to know about social graces. Really. He may not have known his politics. They live in Louisiana and dad was here in Illinois. Even so, he should have kept his racist remarks to himself if he DIDN'T know dad or us very well (which he doesn't). He certainly offended me and would have offended dad also.

[tjwash]

59. Ah, the kernel of truth at the very core of conservative ideology.

What was the true lasting legacy from the sixties? Civil Rights for Women and Blacks.

Conservative are STILL so mad that their ears bleed because of these rights. So mad that the southern democrats, or "Dixiecrats" as they were known as back in the day (the original party of Strom Thurmond), switched their party affiliation to the republican side.

Nowadays, they are still trying to reverse it. To conservatives, blacks are equated to crime, taking our jobs away and where all our hard earned tax money goes. To conservatives Women are equated with birth control, sex education, abortion and "feminazis" (to use a phrase coined by rush the lush).

It's all part of the RW spin machine. At least give your relatives a little credit. They don't try and dress a turd in a bow tie, and tell you it's a steak...

[in_cog_ni_to]

62. Well, they were certainly blatant with their racism.

That's a fact. My cousin didn't give it a second thought and neither did my uncle. :(

[movie_girl99]

61. i think we all have people like this in our families

some are closer than others. If you're lucky, you don't have to associate with them too often. My problem is, mine, is my dad and his 6th grade educated wife who he met in a "go go" bar back in the late 60's early seventies.My parents divorced when I was 2. My mom is/was a beautiful, hard working woman who always worked in a male dominated industry as an Aeronautics buyer. She had the drive for success like I've never seen and she was paid well.My mom and I always lived in a beautiful apt. in Dallas and she made sure I never did without.But then theres my dad, who I cant believe my mom ever married. He was so handsome back in the day and according to my mom was nothing like he has become. These people (dad and step-mom) ARE a Jeff Foxworthy stand up show. Right down to the spit cups all over the house and the "slop" bucket in the kitchen about 2 feet away from the table. There were times that i seriously thought that my dad could have been the grand puba of the KKK. I have heard some vile shit come out of that mans mouth. I quit going to visit him about 10 years ago because i couldn't stand the environment. My step brother who's a wanna be gangster raises pit bulls and my dad raises fighting chickens. It truly is a side of my family that i don't acknowledge often.

[in_cog_ni_to]

64. I'm very fortunate. They live in Louisiana and I'm in Illinois.

If I lived in the same state as them, I would NEVER associate with them. Ever.

[Bethany Rockafella]

63. ...

THEN, my uncle says, "Every time we see a black bubba walking down the street we say "there goes a Democrat."

You notice he said we, meaning more than one. If it was only himself, he wouldn't say jack shit because that black bubba would probably kick his sorry ass.

[in_cog_ni_to]

65. EXACTLY!

They travel in packs (bigots). If Houma, LA wasn't a racist community, I wonder if he would dare make a statement like that if he were the only bigot in town? I DON'T THINK SO! His sorry ass would have been whooped a looooooooooooong time ago.