Profiles in Absurdity: cleanfilms.com

[OrlandoGator]

This website is a service that rents and sells theatrical-film DVD's that have all been "family-edited" to completely remove all profanity, violence and sex.

Interestingly, their library contains the following films, each of which are presumably five minutes long after the offending content is removed:

Black Hawk Down
Blade
Collateral
The Crow
Dawn of the Dead
Die Hard
Dirty Harry
Face/Off
Gangs of New York
Gladiator
The Godfather I, II and III
Goodfellas
Heat
Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2
L.A. Confidential
Lethal Weapon 1 and 2
The Matrix 1, 2 and 3
Monster's Ball
Once Upon a Time in Mexico
The Passion of the Christ (!!!)
Predator 1 and 2
Pretty Woman
The Punisher
Rambo
Saving Private Ryan
Schindler's List
The Silence of the Lambs
The Terminator 1, 2 and 3
Total Recall
Traffic
Training Day
Unforgiven
The Untouchables
We Were Soldiers

www.cleanfilms.com
A fundie's wet dream.

[Goldmund]

1. No Pulp Fiction???

:rofl:

[LynzM]

2. I agree with the 5 minutes idea

I mean, in many of those, what is left once you 'clean' them up? You lose the power/meaning of the film, and probably most of the story, in many of those. Wow. Why not just get movies that don't contain it in the first place?!?! That's the part I don't get. Why not just make alternate choices?

[Occulus]

28. they want to be able to run roughshod over all who don't ascribe to

their version of what 'morality' is, because in the name of their own 'morality', anything immoral, to them, must be changed or destroyed.

Or, in other words,

they hate us for our freedom.

[sakabatou]

3. You know... wouldn't it just be better to get G & PG films instead?

[OrlandoGator]

13. This is basically a service to allow others to parent your child for you.

You're right, how damn hard is it to say, "No, Junior. You can't watch Axe Murder Beheadings on Tape 6"?

What a convenient compromise? Now you BOTH can watch it!

[OneBlueSky]

4. wouldn't the filmmakers object to this? . . . n/t

.

[OrlandoGator]

9. From the site's FAQ:

Is it legal to edit movies?

CleanFilms is a co-operative rental club. All CleanFilms members collectively agree to have CleanFilms purchase original, un-edited DVD movies on their behalf. Copyright law allows CleanFilms to make a backup copy of each original DVD. This backup copy can be edited under certain provisions of copyright law (Fair Use & First Sale Doctrines).

CleanFilms makes family edited backup copies of the originals to edit out content that is objectionable to its members - similar to how you might press mute to avoid hearing objectionable language when watching a movie in your home. CleanFilms always maintains a 1 to 1 ratio between edited movies and un-edited originals.

How are the DVD movies edited? What process is used to remove offensive content?

CleanFilms' professional editors use the same technologies and techniques to edit out offensive content as Hollywood editors use in their everyday editing of film and TV content. For profanity or other offensive language, the dialogue volume is often muted, while secondary sound is kept for continuity. For scenes with nudity, sexual content, extreme violence, or extreme language, a cut edit is typically used. These edits are designed by professionals to be inconspicuous, similar to when viewing PG-13 or R rated movies that have been edited to be shown on network television or airlines.

What kinds of content do you take out of the DVD movies in the editing process in order to make them more family friendly?

We take out all profanity and other offensive language, including vain or disrespectful references to Deity. We also remove nudity, sexual situations, and extreme or gory violence. Our intent is to edit movies so that they would qualify for a PG rating, which usually means that we will edit out content that the broadcast networks and airlines might leave in when they show the same movie.

Important: Although edited for content, CleanFilms' family-edited movies may contain subject matter that may be inappropriate for some viewers. Please use discretion.

What is a family edited movie?

Family edited movies are movies that have been edited for content to remove nudity and sexual situations, offensive language, and graphic violence.

Important: Although edited for content, CleanFilms' edited movies may contain subject matter that may be inappropriate for some viewers. Please use discretion.

[moggie]

22. They must be awfully degraded

CleanFilms' editors have to watch all of these terrible, harmful films in their original, evil form. Doesn't that mean that those poor people will become very corrupted? How can a concerned Christian put them through this torture?

I like the final line: "... movies may contain subject matter that may be inappropriate for some viewers. Please use discretion". That's what the rest of us do, and we manage it without paying some wacko to remove the word "God" from our films.

[OrlandoGator]

23. Yeah, that's pretty ironic...

...you pay these people a premium to "use discretion" for you, then in the end they still tell you to use discretion.

Well why they hell should I pay you, then?

[MN ChimpH8R]

5. Goodfellas?

"Getcher f#ckin' shine box!"

Silence of the Lambs?
"Read Marcus Aurelius. Ask what is each thing in and of itself. What does he do, this man you seek....."

:rofl:

[OrlandoGator]

6. What would a "family-edited" version of The Passion of the Christ be?

Seriously, how could you remove the violence from that movie and have anything left?

[carnie_sf]

7. Training Day

with no violence or profanity. That should be rich.

[meegbear]

8. No Cruising?

Go figure

[Occulus]

10. It's okay for them to do this, and resell them,

and call it a 'service' and get away with the whole scheme in court when they get sued for copyright violations, but it's NOT okay for me to download one (1) song from a filesharing service.

Riiiiiight.

[OrlandoGator]

11. According to their FAQ, you are purchasing the original DVD...

...and the service is making an "edited backup" for your personal use.

Sounds like a loophole to me.

[Occulus]

27. So if I take, say, my purchased copy of Doom3, and then

modify the original game to remove 'objectionable' content, I can resell it and win in court and make a ton of cash? And id software can't do squat about it?

Hey, sign me up for that mod project! I'll make a mint!

[MadHound]

12. I think with a few of these films that you're being generous

Some of these probably don't even have a minute left the folks at clean films get done. I mean really now, Gangs of New York and Saving Private Ryan would have nothing left if you cleaned them up, just the beginning credits and end credits, that's it. And the beginning credits would have to been shot on a black screen, since they are superimposed on some pretty violent scenes.

Frikkin' idiots, clean up a film, and take away all of the meaningful content out of it. Why don't they just offer G and PG films rather than brutalizing these?

[OrlandoGator]

14. Passion of the Christ would literally have nothing without the violence.

No exaggeration. There would be like 6 frames of film left.

[jojo54]

15. Schindler's List should definately be removed from public

viewing. My goodness, how can we teach good family values when there's a movie out there about one brave man who tried to save thousands of people from torture and death???

[ReverendDeuce]

16. Breakfast at Tiffany's? Ben Hur? The WIZARD of OZ???

What the shit? Where are the SEX, VIOLENCE, and PROFANITY in The Wizard of Oz?!

Ben Hur's entire chariot race must have been removed...

Breakfast at Tiffany's? What... ?

My mouth is agape... I have no idea what these people are talking about. They are begging for a prank phone call.

[KarenInMA]

18. Breakfast at Tiffany's is about a whore. How

can they clean that up?

(clarification- my favorite movie).

[OrlandoGator]

21. Same reason I listed Pretty Woman.

The whole movie is about spending a weekend with a hooker.

[moggie]

25. The Wizard of Oz has witches!

I really feel sorry for these people. It must be awfully drab in their world. Though I suppose it's enlivened by fear: the fear of seeing a nipple, hearing a rude word, or experiencing a challenging idea. These freaks should stay indoors.

[OrlandoGator]

26. They do stay indoors...except on Sundays and Election Day.

That's the problem.

[Modem Butterfly]

17. The working title of "Unforgiven" was "The Cut Whore Murders"

I have no idea how you make that movie family-friendly.

[Toots]

19. Are they legally allowed to do this, Change copyrighted material?

It has to take from the original and without the Producer's consent I think they violate copyright laws.

[OrlandoGator]

20. See post #9 for their "explaination" (read: loophole)

They call it a "backup for personal use."

[Midlodemocrat]

24. What is the point of that?

To keep them from kids? I wouldn't let my kids see those movies, so why do they need to be cleaned up? If it was something I didn't want to see, I simply would choose not to view it.

I don't get it.

:shrug:

[zbdent]

29. Cabin Fever did this

(BTW, Cabin Fever sucked . . .)

They took out all the profanity, sex, and violent content, making it "Family Friendly".

The short film lasted about 30 seconds . . .

[OrlandoGator]

30. Kick.

:kick:

[OrlandoGator]

31. One more kick.