Try to invent the FOX News distraction of all distractions

[Crankie Avalon]

Invent the story that will finally allow FOX and the other cable news outlets from ever reporting on anything else--like real news--ever again. The one and only distraction story they'll be able to run with forever and ever.

Example:

PARIS HILTON RUNS AWAY FROM HER IMPENDING GAY MARRIAGE TO GO MISSING SOMEPLACE WHERE THERE ARE LOTS AND LOTS OF NON-WHITE PEOPLE!!!

[marmar]

1. 10 MISSING WHITE GIRLS IN ARUBA...

They were in Aruba trying to convince their sister's husband not to take her off life support.

:scared: :scared: :scared: :scared:

[Crankie Avalon]

5. And, as if that weren't enough...

...they were making a Christian "Girls Gone Wild" video right before they all disappeared!!!

[bleedingheart]

2. Attack of the Land Shark!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

3. CLINTONS! DEMOCRATS! LIBERALS! MOVEON! SOROS!

ARABS! GAYS! HOWARD! DEAN! ELITISTS! ANTI-CHRISTIANS! ACADEMIA!

Sorry. They already did that. Ad nauseum.

My Bad. ;)

[mattclearing]

4. Three words: MICHAEL JACKSON WEDDING!

AGAIN!

[ProdigalJunkMail]

6. TO ONE OF HIS FORMER BOY-TOYS...

of course...they will have not reached legal age and the marriage will take place in a foreign land...

tP

[mattclearing]

7. NAMBLA REJOICES AT JACKO GAY CHILD WEDDING! n/t

[Crankie Avalon]

10. The outrage!!!

"...we here at The Factor believe Mr. Jackson should be fried in oil while dead humming birds are stuffed one after the other down his throat until their beaks puncture through the walls of his stomach. And that's the memo."

[ProdigalJunkMail]

14. PETA to launch protest at mistreatment of Hummingbirds

Also demands that the oil used to fry Jacko be vegetable based...

[Inland]

8. Shuttle crashes, lands on blond woman nt

[Crankie Avalon]

11. AWESOME!!!

Really laughed at that one. :thumbsup:

[charlie]

9. Presidential Status: Still Critical

Origin of Virulently Pungent Athlete's Foot Unknown

Surgeon General Rueful: Desenex Won't Help Him, Prayers Needed

Steadfast and Sure: Bush Jokes, Plays Videogames

Pensive Twins Stay Secluded in St Tropez

Massive Interfaith Vigil at Reflection Pool Continues...

ABC Debuts New Latenight - "Bush Crisis: Day 436"

Cheney Bristles at Gatekeeper Charge - "Let the man heal, g*dd*mm*t"

[Crankie Avalon]

12. Where's Laura in all this?

First Lady a pillar of quiet strength with steely, frozen glaze in her eyes?

[hatrack]

15. Shouldn't that be "pillar of quiet salt"?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

[ragin_acadian]

13. "terrorists use stem cell research to build half-human shark

that can be trained to capture white women, or euthanize brain damaged ones"

eh, maybe that's too long.

try this: "bin ladin's 'sharkboy' captures jennifer anniston"

on edit: then follow it with videos of a sobbing brad pitt, retired generals, scenes from jaws, and stem cell research opponents.

[Botany]

16. To E.Z.

A busload of 14 to 19 year Christian teens along w/ their lab retriever*
pup is hijacked by french speaking gay Islamic terrorist in some
red state.


Pup's name is Mr. Snuggles.

[CitrusLib]

17. Famous non-white sports star accused of

sexually assaulting gay white steroid dealer nominated for federal judgeship.