Why Is Sex Taboo? We all do it. We all like it. So what's the problem?

[Karmageddon]

Why Is Sex Taboo?

By Scott Shuster
August 5, 2005

The other night I sat down for an innocent evening of prime-time television. I watched two mindless sitcoms on one of the networks. “Everyone Loves Raymond” aired a re-run where Marie (the always-butting-in mother-in-law) was being her usual self and infuriating (Raymond’s wife) Deborah. Raymond, being the ‘guy’ that he is, took advantage of that, and was feasting on the ‘Angry Sex’. In the next show, “Two And A Half Men”, Charlie’s mother borrowed his sports car to impress a client and ended up having sex in the back seat… even leaving her bra behind accidentally. Near the end of the show, Jon Cryer was comforting his ex-wife following a break-up with her boyfriend, to the point where they were about to go up to the bedroom and have sex. In between I saw a few commercials for Viagra, Levitra, and Victoria’s Secret.

As I was being bombarded with messages and innuendos of sex, I started to think (as I often do) that it was time to step ‘out of the box’ again, and put this all into perspective. Sooner or later I was bound to get to this topic… my favorite topic... sex! I’d like to say that I’m an expert in this field, but the truth is I’m just another putz with an opinion. The difference is I have a computer, the passion to write, and the chutzpa to publish it.

Read the rest of the article here: http://dubyad40.com/html/guests/shustershtick.html

[JRob]

1. Religion nt

[Raiden]

2. Probably guilt; I dunno

I do know that we are much less apprehensive of violence than sex, which is completely twisted.

[getmeouttahere]

3. Our leaders are puritanical...

you didn't hear all this crap from people like Dobson and Santorum when Clinton was President...BushCo emboldens these people, along with the racists and homophobes.

[sallyseven]

10. You are not allowed to have fun

unless your a christian repuke and hide your affair. Bad, bad boy.

[julialnyc]

23. No sex,but shoot guns for fun!

N/T

[ChairmanAgnostic]

4. to repeat

every sperm is sacred

[xchrom]

5. it's one of the last bastions of ''controll'' for whoever

the powers that be are.

it can be religion.
it can be family -- in other cultures sex is controlled by the patriarchs and matriarchs.
it can be the state.

mostly it's directed at controlling womens bodies -- and a great deal of effort goes into creating weird myths to go along with it.
i.e. the ''right to life'' which is really directed violence against women.

yeah we all do it -- and until we shake off the slave masters -- it will continue with it's verboten appeal.

but in a weird way -- that's ok by me -- cause i like my sex dirty.
it's why i like catholic boys so much:) -- kidding!

[phillinweird247]

6. The vulnerability of being intimate with another person and...

definitly religions "If it feels good its got to be bad because our life here is for suffering and pleasure is for heaven" crap

[BuelahWitch]

7. Making sex taboo is a way to control the masses

Religious organizations take one of the most pleasurable parts of living
and bury it in guilt.

[rwenos]

8. Fundies Are Scared Of It

Watch Jimmy Swaggart or any of the bible-thumpers on a religious station. They'll talk about sex eventually -- they always get to it. It's a Bogeyman to them. They're scared of their own impulses. They're scared of their kids' impulses. (Well, I'm scared of those too!)

They cover up their fear with rigid rules. Thus, no dancing, dating only in church, sex only in marriage, etc.

Their fear keeps them from having much fun, I think. Or maybe it intensifies it, eh? Forbidden pleasure.

[tanyev]

9. Power.

It is one of the few things that a person who has power might still want from a person who has very little power. If the person who has very little power plays their cards right, they can put the powerful person in some very vulnerable positions. Literally and figuratively.

[Sparkman]

11. In office & family environments, clothing is not optional. Displaying Sex

ual behaviors that vary widely between cultural groups, in public, requires different people's value systems to conflict. This results in stress, which we like to avoid. So prudent and considerate thinking tends to favor asexual dress & behavior. We are a melting pot of religious, ethnic & cultural bias. Anarchists are just asking for more trouble than they can imagine, unless the current mores are so repressive as to be intolerable and strangling to many.

[htuttle]

12. Here's a link that explains the whole thing

In summary format:

http://www.notbored.org/reich.html

The actual book this production is based on, 'The Mass Psychology of Fascism' by Wilhelm Reich, is highly recommended.

[MN ChimpH8R]

13. Look at the structure of the Abrahamic religions

The tell you what to (not) eat, what to (not) drink, whether or not to have sex, how to have it and why to have it. Placing guilt, limits and taboos around the most basic aspects of life is a sure-fire way of controlling how people think.

Grab 'em by the belly and the nads and the heart and mind will follow.

The Abrahamic religions' fear and hatred of female sexuality seems unique and aberrant though, IMHO.

[ihaveaquestion]

14. Control over sexuality was (and is) control over women.

In most ancient civilizations, women were chattel and controlling their sex lives was part and parcel of enforcing a man's property rights as well as maintaining his status in society. As societies evolved, the form of this control has taken on many guises and in many societies, including western society, came under the control of the church/religion. Making unapproved sexual activity taboo is just a way of enforcing this control.

[murray hill farm]

15. There are rules, you know!

and they MUST be followed. u have to be married (to the correct sex) to have sex...and then u must never talk about it...others can know that u probably do it, but it is like the elephant in the living room...emotionally, we deny it is there (even though we know it is) and then there is the "sanctity" of marriage...and that must be protected...so all of the social institutions of family, church, education, govt and...naturally financial...all work together to that end...to protect the society. Now, everyone breaks the rules..and everyone knows that everyone breaks the rules...but discretion than is the rule....our social attitude toward sex today...looks a lot like the 1950s (maybe worse)...but we all know what followed the 50s...the good ole "free love" 60s..it will happen again..somewhat modified by HIV.

[leyton]

16. I think that it's mainly the casual treatment of sex.

For a while, sex really was taboo and nobody could discuss it. I guess that'd be era when it was assumed that married couples slept in separate beds.

I'd say that now, a lot of people are upset by the fact that so much of our pop culture has reduced sex to something casual. Watch a sitcom - sex is just another plot device, a farce really, where two people end up naked under some sheets. Characters run around having sex like it's no big deal. Granted, there are movies, books, etc., that do treat sex as a big deal, that do portray it in a more considered manner. I'm not talking about how explicit something is here, I'm talking about what role it plays in art.

I think there are others who don't want their children to learn about sex from "Seinfeld" and "Frasier" and MTV. I certainly wouldn't, but when I was a young pre-teen I watched those too. I would guess that that's the rationale behind many of the restrictions on network TV (particularly regarding nudity, because that's the easiest way to get at sex).

This has been kind of muddled post (but hey it's a muddled topic). My personal view is that sex is a big deal, something to be treasured, and not wasted or dumbed down or treated casually. I think it's unfortunate that it is not treated in that manner on TV, but maybe TV is just reflecting the reality of today. I'm not defending cultural pedagogues like Rick Santorum, because I think that's a waste of energy. I'm explaining why I think there is the concerted effort by other people (like Hillary Clinton) to check the pervasiveness of sex in our media.

[raccoon]

35. I agree, and I'm tired of the casual treatment of sex, too.

"a lot of people are upset by the fact that so much of our pop culture has reduced sex to something casual. "

On TV, in the movies, in novels, people often have sex with people they hardly know. Am I the only person who gets tired of this?

"I think there are others who don't want their children to learn about sex from "Seinfeld" and "Frasier" and MTV."

I certainly wouldn't, if I had any.

"My personal view is that sex is a big deal, something to be treasured, and not wasted or dumbed down or treated casually."

That's my view too.

What anybody does in their private life is their own business.
But I'm tired of the trivialization of sex in the mass media.

And speaking from my own experience, it's young people who aren't getting guidance from parents/guardians who are more likely to be influenced by the mass media.

[mongo]

44. Thanks for the holier than thou perspective...... N/T

[julialnyc]

17. It's control over women

You would think that war would be more upsetting to the religious groups, but I think they know that they are a dying breed and that controlling what we do in the bedroom is the only thing they have had success at.


A bunch of men telling a woman what she can and can't do with her body is ALLOT of power.

[no_to_war_economy]

27. i agree with you

very popular bar discussion, if women ruled industry politics and medicine

we would be much better off for sure

[NewWaveChick1981]

18. The general American public is so fucked up about sex

(no pun intended!) It goes back to the puritanical roots of this country. Our ancestors founded this country to get away from religious oppression, but what did they do to everyone else??? (Kind of sounds like what's happening now...)

I love sex, I have as much sex as I can, and sex on TV doesn't bother me. The "General Public" sees sex as "dirty" and "bad", but without sex, none of us would be here. :P

[CrispyQ]

28. ...

Life is a sexually transmitted terminal condition.



Got that from a DUer!

[NewWaveChick1981]

36. LOL

DUers come up with some great stuff!

[julialnyc]

37. Love that!

N/T

[julialnyc]

19. Look at Europe

My family lives in Italy where soap commercials have naked women in them.You go to beaches and women don't wear tops. My little brother spent every summer with my family there. He turned out to be the least perverted of his friends in their young 20's. I think if you make something the forbidden fruit people crave it more. Think tv today is more dangerous then nudity. If I had kids I don't think them seeing a boob on tv would bother me (all women have them), but if I had a little girl who started dressing like Britney Spears with jeans so low that you could see her thong (which she has no business wearing at that age) I wouldn't allow that (plus I would see she is getting the wrong message from what she is watching). I see girls that look like they are 12 wearing the sluttiest clothes.


I think MTV is worse for kids than some nudity on HBO.

Sex will sell no matter what, but by our country making it seem so dirty, the industry picks up on that and sells a "dirtier" sex....... look at Christina Agularia's (sp?) top selling album titled "Dirty"

20. sex taboo

It is a basic human need, but it gets into the most intimate parts of a person's life, their body, their heart and soul. I think we are definitely too puritanical about it, and that makes an unhealthy atmosphere. Plus you can't really learn about it from home, because that in itself is taboo, you have to learn about sex "on the street". Men seem to be more sexualized than women, but women seem to be the ones who hold the sexual attraction more. And a woman who likes sex is generally called a whore by men and women.

But to the reason why it is taboo - probably related to power and control. :eyes:

[Tsiyu]

22. You can teach kids about sex at home without it being creepy

Talk. Talk. Talk.

Counter the messages they are getting, discuss the situations of yourself and others and what their choices have meant for their lives.

Some parents keep the whole idea of sex out of any conversation with their kids out of fear and shame; these are the parents who enjoy the "abstinence only" programs. Then, they can just say, 'Don't do it' rather than actually teaching their kids about birth control and sexual ethics.

We each keep it taboo when we don't treat it like any other function in life. Sex is part of our humanity, not some evil plot to wreck us all.

[skids]

21. Well, if you want to go back to the original reasons...

...most such taboos have their root in best practices for primitive survival of a society. The first shaming of sex was probably for utilitarian reasons -- rather than wait for evolution to kill off an overproducing tribe, the tribes adjusted their behavior through intellect.

These taboos get elevated into the realm of religion when they have a kernel of practicality to them -- for example, STDs. It would appear to the primitive mind that a supernatural power was "smiting" the promiscuous.

But then these taboos carry on long after their root cause is understood. And they get tangled up as tools in the various power struggles we as a whole put ourselves through -- politics, religion, sexual oppression, race relations etc. In the special case of sex, the power struggle goes even deeper, though, as competition over mates is a deep-rooted psychological behavior.

I'd actually argue that even with today's contraception technology, there are still some culture spots where we are a bit TOO casual about sex today. Eventually tech will catch up, but then we have to ask whether there are cases where mentally taming our instincts is a useful excercise and the self-discipline derived promotes a healthier and/or more capable intellect/character or not. Plus we have that deep seated competition drive, which begs the question of what the consequences to society will be on a purely civil level if our instincts are pimped even more than they are today from the media.

Open questions whose edges need to be tenderly felt... erm... I mean probed... erm... I mean explored... erm. I go now.

[Occulus]

29. religion is also why some people refuse funding for finding cures for STDs

They see these diseases as punishments for those who stray from the will of God to have sex only during marriage, so of course they will not allow money to go toward getting rid of the diseases, because the diseases themselves are punishment from God. In that way, they become not simply religious but a true danger to public health.

If we can cure STDs outright, does that thwart the will of God, or is it itself the will of God? But then, that would contradict what the Bible says, and....

.....oh, I give up.

[mongo]

45. What if we were more casual about sex?

What if there were culturally acceptable outlets for sex beyond monogamous marriage? What if fidelity wasn't automatically expected?

Would divorce rates go down?
Would we have less single parent families?
Would people chose their mates better, based on long term compatibility?

What if people were actually encouraged to learn about sex, and their own bodies and temperaments. Perhaps people would learn whether they were the monogamous type or not - and what type of person they can be monogamous with. Maybe people would learn to recognize "new relationship energy" as the powerful force it is, and enjoy it - but not let it dictate their life.

If anything, I think we should take a clue from the dolphins and be more casual about sex - and have some built in socially acceptable outlets for it's casual enjoyment.

[KansDem]

24. Some things in life are private...

Sex, sexual communication, and sexual intimacy are private matters. I certainly don't want sex defined by prime-time TV, the movie industry, or latest pop icon. Say what you want about religion, puritanism, or "control," but some things are best left private.


edited for spelling

[patcox2]

25. There are "liberals" more puritannical than the fundies.

Its not about religion, either. Its some kind of deep social thing in our country, and it comes out in various forms, from the religious fundies and their puritanism, to the feminists and the new puritanism (all sex is rape, tell me thats not puritanism) to the "sensitivity police," usually liberals, who have created this atmosphere under which even talking about sex in public, and especially in the workplace, is asking for a lawsuit.

Its not the religious or the republicans, who push the sexual harrassment laws and their new fascist puritanism.

Is it not the fault of religious puritanism that the law now says that if I go to work and someone says "hey, hows it going" and I say "great, my wife and I had sex last night, and man, the orgasm was fantastic, and then we did it again, doggie style," I could be succesfully sued for hostile work environment sexual harrassment, whereas if I said "great, went out on my boat last night, had a glass of argentian malbec as the sun went down, it was fantastic" that is okay.

This situation is the result liberals, not conservatives.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

26. Americans are schizophrenic about sex.

They advertise it, glamorize it, dote on it, talk about it endlessly, are dazzled by it, worry about their performance of it, fret about their own sexual allure, read countless books and watch countless TV shows regarding it, make it a competitive sport, and then condemn it.

"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things: One is that God loves
you and you're going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love." - Butch Hancock

[leesa]

32. Your post says it all. I guess it was the Puritans that screwed up

American attitudes about sex so much.

[julialnyc]

33. I agree with you

I also think it is a huge difference between us and Europe.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

30. I believe that things, places that are founded with certain energies,

keep those energies attached throughout time. Those energies (programs)are often not recognized (acknowledged). Our country was originally colonized by Puritans, and it seems that the Puritan energy still emanates our society. I also believe that because we are a nation that was founded on violence, we continue to be a very violent country. I think that with a conscious effort, clear intent, if we as a people on whole realize how destructive these programs are, can erase them and start anew.

[DistressedAmerican]

31. No Time To Reply Now. Screwing. I'll Get Back.

:evilgrin:

[McCamy Taylor]

34. It's all about politics. Check out pre and post "Code" films.

America pre 1930 quite risque.The sanitized America was created by the Catholic Church, the govt and other groups getting together and deciding this was how we ought to be. In our natural state we were much more earthy.

The battle between how we are and how Organized Religion and the Govt wants us to be continues to this day.

William Blake was one of the first to recognize that Organized Religion and Big Government were conspiring to use sexual repression in order to oppress the masses. By taking a natural bodily function and making it "evil", they made people feel guilty, conflicted, angry---and incraesed their dependence upon the Church-state.

Orwell describes the uses the govt makes of sexual repression quite well in 1984. Naked Lunch is a good source, too. Madison Avenue, an extension of the Govt, continues to exploit sexual repression to sell us a bunch of junk we dont need.

[julialnyc]

38. Great post

It's true that pre-1930's America was more risque.

I need to read 1984 again (keep meaning to)

[pointblank]

39. Funny you bring this up..

There is a new guy at my job, and I was talking to him yesterday and the topic of video games came up. I said that I don't play many Playstation games, but I do love the Grand Theft Auto series, in particular Vice City.

This guy said that he liked that game too, but when he got to a certain point in the game, the character you play becomes a Porn King and he just stopped playing because it became too sex heavy for him.

I was like 'WHAT?'...The game is fine when you run around killing people but when it comes to any references to sex, you get offended?

He said that violence doesn't bother him in the least bit, but that sex in the media is offensive to him. He also said that foul language bothers him as well....Of course I asked im if he was religious and he said that he was a devout Christian.

I just don't get it. The killing of people is OK, but when it comes to sex, a peaceful thing, these people just get so offended by it. And foul language bothers people....WHY?? They are just words??

No real point here, just wanted to share this story.

[julialnyc]

40. also parents seem to be just fine with their kids

playing video games where they kill each other............... or the really wacky ones brought their young kids to see The Passion (which is brutal even if it is Jesus)......... but a nipple sent the country into hysterics?

[pointblank]

42. LOL

I know, isn't it wacky??

I am starting to think these people are really mentally ill...It just isn't logical.

I mean, Jesus may not have liked porn, but I guarantee you he didn't like random violence either.

[Rex]

41. Because you're not supposed to enjoy life.

At least the RW puritanical assholes think that way (about others, they OTOH screw animals and have Roman style orgies on huge yachts) about other people. Life is a struggle and those that have...gasp...SEX for anything but reproduction are evil and probably communists as well!

[Im_Your_Huckleberry]

43. because it's wet.

[Hamlette]

46. shame is central to sexual arousal.

Read Robert Stoller or Donald Nathanson. The basic theory is that shame is a human emotion that is tied, as is pride, to sexual response.

Society, it could be said, is just trying to heighten sexual arousal by institutionalizing the shame connected with it.

It is better explained in Nathanson's book Shame and Pride. It's nature, not nurture.