Please crititique my flyer..

[BeTheChange]

Im planning on printing a slew of these out and having a few people disseminate them across the metroplex..


The one thing Im worried about are the directions.. do they sound clear enough? Anyone see any typos? Thanks.

[Horse with no Name]

1. Awesome!

:kick:

[Kerrytravelers]

2. Vacation with the President. Brilliant.

I don't know about the directions. Never been there.

[nosmokes]

3. looks good! ya might wanna add a line about bringing

some water or something?

wish i could join y'all. peace.

[anarchy1999]

4. Looks great, interested in some t-shirts?

I'm meeting in the morning.

One of the best I've seen so far and I put out a request for help ASAP for design.

All proceeds go to Cindy and the Peace House.

[BeTheChange]

7. What kinda tshirts?

With the design? I just took an existing image Id seen and reproduced it, gussying it up a bit..Im not very original tonite.

http://www.magneticpeace.com/

I really love the peace sign graphic on this site. I sent an email to them to see if I could get the right to use it, but no response. Id repro it, but Im lazy tonite :)

Anyway, do what you wish with the image.. let me know if you need any other design help. Im gonna play with a couple more designs tomorrow before I print the flyer.

[DemonFighterLives]

5. It's very nice

:kick:

[don954]

6. i would remove the lines

35 Military Deaths This Month - it conflicts with the average, makes it look like the deaths are slowing down when they are not.

and remove “IMPEACH BUSH TOUR”, the protest is about the war, not about getting rid of bush. By putting that on the flyer, you make people have their primal partisan reaction. Most middle of the roaders will automatically overlook the reason of the protest due this one line. Use something non-partisan like “TRUTH NOW!”

[BeTheChange]

8. How does it conflict with the average?

Im gonna put the date on the flyer.. but today is the 9th, so that is 4 a day.. its beyond the statistical average over the period of the whole war...


Thanks for the Impeach bush feedback.. Ive been wavering on that. If you go to gsfp.org then the Impeachment tour bus is on the front page, with Cindy in front of it...

I should atleast make it alot smaller.

[don954]

10. yes, most people will assume July is included

Not just the total so far for august.

BTW, im noticing something, this wars causality curve is starting to match 'nam. Will we be in this crap for 15 years and 58,000 dead? I hope not, dam do I hope not..

It doesn’t even take into the effect that if our med tech wasn’t as good as it is now, causality rates would be 10x higher now...

[chelaque liberal]

20. Unfortunately that number will be out dated before

your flyers are printed.

[frustrated_lefty]

9. A few thoughts

Personally, I love it. To be more effective, though, you might consider removing the "Vacation with the President" and "Impeach Bush Tour" lines. Instead of "Vacation with the President," you might say "Support the Grieving Mothers of America." Instead of "Impeach Bush Tour," you might say "Protect Our Liberties."

Your work is really well done, but I think your message is diluted. I see three messages which aren't clearly enough linked to make immediate sense to your average passerby. 1) The war sucks, and here's why. 2) Bush sucks. It sounds like personal bias, without foundation. I know 1) leads to 2), but as a teacher, I promise you most students really need to be led by the hand to make the necessary connections. I think bringing Bush, by name, into your flyer is probably not the best of ideas, gratifying that it may be. 3) Cindy Sheehan is doing this cool stuff. Not enough detail. You fail to mention her son died there. You don't mention the abuses the "Crawford Five" are currently undergoing. You don't mention that, for example, the KKK can congregate in public, but a grieving mother is a threat to national security.

I'm sorry if this seems overly critical. It's not meant to be, I'm simply trying to help you make your message as effective as possible.

FL

[BeTheChange]

11. Thanks..

Im beefed up the info on Cindy and I think Im pretty happy with the end results.

So often protest flyers look like 70s tracts, just busy with information. Im trying to avoid that.

Thanks everyone for their input.



edited cause I put the wrong version up :)

[don954]

12. that looks great, if you could send me a file of it

in pdf or ppt or psd or what ever you have I can print off a couple of reams with my color laser printer and send them to the Crawford Peach House.

[BeTheChange]

14. They might hate it...

but if you pm me your email, Id be happy to send it..

I just dont want to use up any of their resources if they arent into it.. ya know :)

[frustrated_lefty]

15. what you're doing is great!

It looks good. It looked good before, but I think you've improved upon it. I sincerely applaud what you're doing.

Please don't perceive my earlier criticisms in the wrong light. Nobody likes their work to be criticized. The message your flyer now seems to say: "this war is a total screw-up, and we should support one mother in finding out why her son died in a screwed-up war."

The neocons and their talking heads love to dilute issues, talk about rambling, impersonal, and very general ideas. They posit very vague notions which sound plausible, if you don't think about them.

The answer to that, I think, is for us to hammer away at dry-boned, bare facts. Facts, hard facts, are the only thing which will wake America up. And, so, we have to hammer and hammer and hammer away at a fact until it is accepted. Criminy, evolution is now subject to contention.

If your feelings were hurt by my criticisms, I apologize. I simply was trying to help narrow and focus your message.

Again, I think you've done a great job, and respect what you've done.

FL

[BeTheChange]

16. No worries..

Ive got a relatively thick skin. I appreciate the feedback. I want people to come, not my ego to be so big it cant fit through a door :)

[marions ghost]

22. EXCELLENT

good job bethechange--has impact with just enough info

-----------
My 2 cents:

While I agree with dropping "impeach"--I like "Vacation with the President" because it immediately locates the site of this particular vigil.

I was going to suggest the changes already made to death info. One thing I still see is that you might say "4 new grieving (i before e)
USmothers a day" --We don't know how many Iraqi mothers are grieving at a new death each day. ('average' is assumed)

you might want to add the website: www.meetwithcindy.org which is doing Cindy's daily journal apparently. I had no trouble accessing it today.

[BeTheChange]

25. I spell horribly at 2 am :)

Thanks so much for catching the mistake. I also added US for clarity.

[Bluebear]

13. "what we feel is an unjust and illegal war"

I LOVE the flyer. Remember your audience, though. If you are trying to "change hearts and minds", remember that you don't want to bring "feelings" into it.

"..... demand answers from the President regarding the war he started based on LIES" has more of a ring to me.

But great job!

PS "Vacation with the President" is TOPS!

[sandnsea]

17. Truth

I think it's about truth. Why did he lie. Why does he continue to lie. I agree about keeping hot button words out of it too.

[Kerrytravelers]

18. One thing I put on my body count flyers:

Days since Bsuh/Cheney vowed to captureOsama bin Laden: 2,024

But the flyer also looks great the way it is, too!

[BeTheChange]

24. I love statistics

Im a sucker for cold hard numbers. I've updated the flyer, corrected spelling.. and I think its ready to go to print.



Thank all of you again for your help!

[Kerrytravelers]

28. Double checkall the numbers (like the osama number) before printing!

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

19. what about "23000+ 'LIBERATED' IRAQI LIVES LOST"

[liberalitch]

21. Magnifique, fabuuuuuuucky!!!!!!

Are you designing one for the sept. march?

[BeTheChange]

23. Thanks

I wasnt planning on it, as Im sure since it is planned.. they will have alot of literature designed already.

All changes and final are updated in post 11.

[Midlodemocrat]

26. I love it.

I especially love the Vacation with the President line.

[pointblank]

27. My wife owns her own T-Shirt business...

If anyone needs some printed up let me know.