Late-Nite Political Jokes

[Amy6627]

"In a radio speech this weekend Bush said I will not be satisfied until every American who wants to work can find a job. Then Bush went back to his five-week vacation." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush is at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, and here's the good news -- he says he will only stay until Crawford is capable of self rule." --David Letterman

"Yesterday in New York City they did a simulated gas attack. ... I believe it was the biggest release of gas in Manhattan since, well I guess the Republican convention." --David Letterman

"He (Gov. Mitt Romney) has decided that life begins not at conception, not at birth, but when you decide to run for president." --Jon Stewart

"President Bush is now in the second week of his five-week vacation down there in Crawford, Texas. He's been taking a lot of criticism for this long vacation and his aides say he has his laptop with him so he can still play Solitaire and Minesweep -- so it's business as usual." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is on a five-week vacation. From what? President Bush, before he went on vacation, he signed a bill that will extend daylight savings another month. He said it proves we're winning the war on darkness" --David Letterman

And while President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator." --Jay Leno

"So Congress is on recess and Bush is on vacation -- the town is empty. It's so lonely in D.C. right now the NRA and the Oil lobby are just giving money to each other." --Jay Leno

"President Bush talked tough today. He said he's not backing out, he's staying the course for as long as it takes. He's in it for the long haul. Not Iraq -- his 5-week vacation." --Jay Leno

"According to President Bush's most recent health results, he's the most fit president in history. He's in the 99 percentile for men 55 to 59 years old. Bush said he could make it into the 100% league if his damn job didn't take up most of his morning." --Jay Leno

"President Bush signed a free trade pact with Central America. I don't think Bush really understands a lot of these things. Like today he said he owes a lot to Central America because those red states won him the election." --Jay Leno

"What is wrong with Novak? ... Does he absorb light?" --Jon Stewart

"A lot of people are every critical of President Bush for taking the entire month of August off for his vacation. But his staff points out, there's nothing at the White House he can't do at the ranch because the ranch is fully equipped. It's got the treadmill, the weight room, the jogging path, the big screen TV, they get Nickelodeon. It's got everything he would do." --Jay Leno

"It turns out President Bush can run again in the next election. Now I know you're only supposed to be allowed two terms, but the Supreme Court said if you count his vacation time, he's barely served one." --Jay Leno

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Thanks!

[jasmeel]

2. Sent 'em to my momma! n/t

[meganmonkey]

3. Thanks for the laugh

I really needed that

:7

[OhioChick]

4. Thanks!

:rofl:

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. I was smiling until I saw the reference to Nickelodeon.

Then I laughed out loud.

[joanne]

6. Thanks!

:D

[yorkiemommie1]

7. good ones!

thankee!

[spuddonna]

8. AWESOME! Thanks for the laugh! n/t

[nashville_brook]

9. Leno hasn't been this funny since before he took over the Tonite Show

[BigBearJohn]

10. Oh gawd.. I couldn't stop laughing. Thanks! I needed that.

[quiet.american]

11. Good stuff! n/t

[DeepModem Mom]

12. This is a very good sign -- thanks!

[UrbScotty]

13. "The KC Royals lost their 13th game in a row. ..."

"...Appaently Presidnet Bush isn't the only one on a month-long vacation."

[Generic Other]

14. "Winning the war on darkness"

That says it all.