Some Good News in a Personal Battle

[IdaBriggs]

Mods, if this belongs in the lounge, please move. Thanks!

My Story: One of my sisters (now deceased) admitted at Family Christmas 2001 that she had provided illegal drugs to her daughter's (minor) boyfriend the day after he left a $40,000 drug rehab problem. She didn't get why it was a big deal. This same sister refused to serve alcohol at her children's graduation parties for fear of being sued. I spoke with the police, the school, social services, and my parents, but nobody could / would do anything. Four years later, the boyfriend is in jail (repeat drug problems), while my dead sister's youngest is a heroin addict supporting her habit (I'm told) via prostitution. THIS MUST STOP!!!

One of my personal causes during the last few years has been finding ways to KEEP ILLEGAL DRUGS OUT OF THE HANDS OF MINORS. I've posted in the Lounge about this topic several times, especially when events surrounding it have gotten me down.

Well, it looks like all the suffering, research, and "learning how to be an activist" is about to pay off. I've finally been able to break down what I want to get accomplished in three easy steps --AND have made positive, practical steps forward in each and every category!!!

Step One: IDENTIFY -- Help Parents Identify Problems (using $5 "pee in a cup" drug tests) The "Identify" section using easily available drug tests is designed to help "non druggie" parents avoid arguments about trust, etc. If the test is negative, YEAH. If the test is positive, then you deal with it. In the meantime, its a great tool to "help" kids say no: "I can't, because my parents do random drug tests!"

Step Two: DEAL WITH -- If tests come out positive for drug use, help parents "raise the bottom" BEFORE worst case scenarios occur I love the stuff on www.difficult.net for the "Deal With" section; Nar-Anon and Al-Anon are not really appropriate for Minors, while "Tough Love" can sometimes mean DEAD as part of "hitting bottom." The folks at the Savannah Family Institute have come up with some extremely creative ways to "raise the bottom" before Homeless / Prostitution / Dead comes into the picture.

Step Three: PREVENT -- Prevent future problems with well publicized CIVIL LITIGATION BY PARENTS against those providing Illegal Drugs to Minors OR "Safe Havens" for their use (which is where my good news comes in because) ----

I found the lawyer!!! He GETS the "let's publicize that CIVIL consequences are BAD" / quit ignoring drug use because its against YOUR self interest CONCEPT, and has set up some (unfortunately easy) criteria for "the dream client(s)." I am confident we'll be able to make this work.

I'm excited, and scared. I'm angry that heroin is available for $3, and is being marketed to 14 and 15 year olds. I'm devastated that one of my beloved nieces was an addict at 18, and the horribleness of her situation a year and a half later has fueled my determination to help other families avoid similar heartbreak. And attending the funeral of a young 18 year old a week ago Friday re-energized me. (His family didn't KNOW there was a drug problem....) It may be "one starfish at a time," but I'm going to do the best I can to decrease the demand for Illegal Drugs for Minors in Southeastern Michigan.

Now, anyone have any ideas about names for this effort? :) So far, since I'm putting most of the responsibility on parents, I'm thinking "Its a Parent Thing," but I'm open to suggestions....?

[acmejack]

1. Tell me more about how you expect to make parents

force their children to "pee in a cup". Are you proposing a voluntary thing or should everybody's kids face mandatory testing?

[IdaBriggs]

2. Totally voluntary. Touting it as something "parents who care" do.

Problem 1: Most parents who aren't into drugs probably wouldn't recognize heroin or meth or crack (for example) if they saw it.

Problem 2: Is your kid on drugs, or just being hyper / lazy / going through a tough time / etc.? Using "mood swings" as an indicator when dealing with an adolescent is kind of a non-starter.

Problem 3: YOU may be the perfect responsible parent, but unfortunately, there are also a lot of parents like my sister out there, and YOUR CHILD is spending time with THEIR CHILDREN.

Problem 4: Drugs are fun. Being the only one (or FEELING like the only one) at a party who isn't partaking isn't. Once you try something once, and the world doesn't end, its a lot easier to be dismissive of "concerns" about drug use -- and teenagers, by and large, believe themselves to be immortal.

Problem 5: Kids lie when they don't want to get in trouble, and they don't respect the gullible. "My kid tells me everything" is usually a not-very-funny joke. Are they REALLY going to tell you "bad stuff" about other people -- and if they do, are you still going to let them hang out with them?

The nice things about private, at home drug testing include:

1) Its cheap. $5 (or less) on average, available over the internet. A good funeral runs between ten and fifteen grand in our area.

2) Its either positive or its not. There is no OPINION about a positive pee stick result. You can't "accidentally unknowingly" be exposed to Heroin or Ecstasy or Meth or Crack.

3) Knowing there is a problem gives the parent time to SOLVE the problem. Before the funeral.

4) It provides a tool for the "just say no" kid: "My parents do random drug testing, and they'll take away my car / stereo / phone privileges / etc. if I do it."

5) It reminds kids that parents can hold them accountable for what they do when the parents aren't around. In other words, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS CARE.

6) When it comes out negative, it gives a parent a chance to REWARD AND PRAISE their teenager. "I'm so proud of you!" is something every teenager CRAVES hearing, and a kid who doesn't test positive is DEFINITELY someone to be proud of!!!

[mcscajun]

3. Step One avoids arguments about trust...because it removes trust

entirely from the equation.

"I can't trust you, so pee in this cup when I tell you to." is what the kid hears.

[IdaBriggs]

7. "Trust" shouldn't be part of the equation. See post #3 for details.

There is a specific formula we are recommending for presenting this, taken directly from the "Savannah Family Institute" information at www.difficult.net which goes like this (paraphrased):

Draw Up a Family Contract: "This family does NOT use illegal drugs. We prove it to each other by administering Random Drug Tests. When the tests are negative, the reward is (fill in the blank). If tests are positive, then (this happens). Refusal to take a test is deemed an automatic Positive."

Would I like to seem parents taking the test to prove to their children they are also "clean"? In an ideal world, yes. Each family will need to work out their own phrasing and consequences, though. The number one idea, however, is to EMPOWER PARENTS.

IGNORANCE IS NOT BLISS!
IGNORANCE IS DEADLY!
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!
TEST YOUR KIDS!

[mcscajun]

9. I'm just working with the statements in your own OP

As someone who was accused in my family of using drugs before I'd ever even been exposed to them...and not believed, I find 'peeing in a cup' out of the parent-child relationship.

I'm not crazy about "Refusal to take a test is deemed an automatic Positive." either. Nor do I want or need to see parents proving their drug-free status to their children.

Just one woman's opinion.

[IdaBriggs]

10. Well, that is obviously how you can run your own household.

But if it turns out that you or your children are either a) providing illegal drugs to minors, or b) you are "allowing" due to your own choice to remain ignorant children in your household to use drugs (especially with kids who aren't yours), then, if my plan goes through, you are opening yourself up to a civil lawsuit. (Frankly, law enforcement is too busy to deal with such "little" crimes.)

Sorry you were falsely accused. If you had been able to "pee into a plastic cup" you could have instantly proven your innocence/established your own credibility. Unfortunately, you were in a situation where it was your word against someone else's, and you weren't believed. I'm sorry about that.

Unfortunately, there is a nearly 100% exposure rate currently happening with minors / illegal drugs. If parents don't want to prove their drug free status to minors (and let's face it, there are parents out there who CAN'T pass that taste, so I'm going to do my best to avoid that one -- thank you for reminding me!), then that is the way it is.

We're looking for two types of parents: the ones who care, and the ones who don't. The ones who don't will be given some "incentive" to care, especially if they are either providing drugs and/or a "safe haven" for their use. Parents with "perfect" children really have nothing to worry about.

:)

[mcscajun]

11. And those of us, like me, who have no children, yet...because

we once WERE children, and have the children of others impacting our lives, still have the right to our opinions.

[IdaBriggs]

12. Yes. You do. And if you have some other opinions on HOW

to keep illegal drugs out of the hands of minors, I would very much like to hear them.

Please keep in mind that there is a 100% exposure rate to junior and senior high school students. That heroin is currently running $3, and is being marketed to 14 and 15 year olds as an alternative to alcohol, because alcohol is getting harder to get due to better enforcement of alcohol laws. That law enforcement is going after the suppliers, and only THE PARENTS have any influence on demand. That drug education via programs like DARE is everywhere, but the kids just don't believe it (until its too late).

At the funeral of an 18 year old one week ago Friday, there were 150+ students. The priest, with parental permission, discussed the fact that "partying" with drugs and alcohol was directly responsible for the tragic death, and BEGGED the students not to do it. Some listened, but the majority response was "whatever".

You were a kid once. Any brilliant ideas to add? I'm listening.

[mcscajun]

13. You'll notice...I didn't attack your entire program...just one point in it

So I don't think I have to come up with an entire program just to suit you.

I just happen to believe that until you Have a problem with your child, you don't treat him like a criminal.

[MelissaB]

4. This looks like a great tool for teachers to share with parents, but how?

PTO? At my school few come to the high school nights.

Send it home in a letter?

[IdaBriggs]

5. I talked with a web developer yesterday, who I am asking to "help"

with a few hours of web design work. (I don't want this to turn into more than a couple of hours of volunteer work for this person.)

As soon as I get the website up, I'm hoping to get it publicized in a variety of ways -- and sending it home in a letter from the school is one of them.

Schools are doing everything they can to deal with this problem. In an interview with one local administrator, he talked about how their legal department discouraged "mandatory" drug testing of student athletes because the parents can sue contesting the results, and then do the test elsewhere where they get the results they want. How frustrating is that???

The bottom line here is that THE PARENTS need to be dealing with this. Unfortunately, many don't know there is a problem, or how to deal with it. We're hoping to address those issues....And suggestions are welcome!

And Congratulations -- by responding to this thread, you have become part of the movement to help Keep Illegal Drugs Out of the Hands of Minors!!!

[MelissaB]

6. I'll gladly join this movement.

When that the website is up, please let me know. If threads don't make it to the "greatest" page through the week I sometimes miss them because DU is blocked at school.

[IdaBriggs]

8. Thank you, MelissaB! I will definitely do that!

:hug: