Dear Pat: Torture, yes. Assassinate, no.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

Bomb 'em, okey dokey. Strafe 'em, yup. Nerve gas the mofos, hoo-ya! Sic 'em with attack dogs, hell yeah! Bulldoze 'em into paste, sounds great! Baby-nuke their cities, make it so! Machine gun 'em while they're up against a wall, outasight! Chop their fingers and their toes off with serrated hunting knives, you betcha! Force 'em to rape each other, makes me hot! Better yet, rape their teenaged sons! D00d! Hear the screams! Toss a frag grenade into their bedrooms, can't beat the rush! Torch their mosques, that'll teach 'em who they're fucking with!

But WHATEVER WE DO, WE DO NOT ASSASSINATE THEM. It's against policy, after all. We don't want 'em thinking we're fascists, now, do we? We're AMERIKANS! We just DO NOT ASSASSINATE people!

Nope, we kill 'em by shoving a pistol into their faces and pulling the trigger until the clip is empty. While their children are forced to watch. Then we give the children chocolate bars and lollipops.

Then we steal their oil.

But we're not assassins. So stop saying that, Pat. No matter WHAT God tells you in the dark hours of the night. Dammit, you've delayed us until the public forgets this! You've probably set us back a good two weeks.

Shut up, Pat, you schmuck. Or we'll have to have you killed.

Signed,

The Republikans.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

1. kick

:shrug: