I don't have any freeper, fundy, neocon or otherwise far right friends.

[mondo joe]

I'm always impressed by the threads about "Email from my Fundy Friend" or "My freeper friend says..."

How do you manage a friendship with such a person?

I'm not even particularly far left. To the contrary - I'm pretty centrist relative to most of my friends.

And I don't think everyone has to agree about everything to be civil, or even friendly.

But I don't know how I could talk about movies or gardening or much of anything else with someone I'd have to consider opposed to everything about America I value.

Do you just choose to not think about all the ways in which you disagree on important issues? Or does it not feel worth making a fuss? Or something else????

[tx_dem41]

1. Its called communication.

Try it. It works. Its how we grow our numbers.

[mondo joe]

5. We choose with whom we wish to communicate annd how.

And communications covers a lot of ground, from simply being civil to being friendly to being friends.

Doo you choose your friendships to help "grow our numbers"?

[tx_dem41]

17. No....but I often grow numbers through my friendships and acquaintances.

[DanCa]

6. I think he's talking about the 100 percent out there

Who are just drones upon drones. True I know moderate republicans who are cool and i can talk to but its that "100 percenters" that drive me crazy.

[mondo joe]

9. I'm also talking about who your FRIENDS are.

I can be perfectly civil and friendly with a lot of people.

But that doesn't mean I call them my friends. To me, friendship implies something more.

[DanCa]

13. Oh okay my appologies for misunderstand :)

[acmejack]

18. Some wish to communicate, most do not.

I choose not to be screamed at. Most of the RWs have stopped associating with liberals, at least in my case. It really bothers me, but they rebuff all attempts to extend the olive branch. They adopt the * strategy, they never make mistakes and the opposition does nothing correctly.

[tx_dem41]

Possibly one needs to build friendships/acquaintances on something...

other than politics. That's what I do. Eventually, politics will come up in the conversation, but by then there is some level of respect that has been constructed.

[mondo joe]

21. I don't see how politics can be isolated from one's values.

And I'm not talking acquaintances or co-workers or family, but FRIENDS.

How does one maintain a friendship with someone whose values are not only so different but at times even opposed?

[Darkhawk32]

2. I've broken off twenty year friendships because of their "neocon"-ness.n/t

[DanCa]

3. I tried I honestly tried to be friends with these people but I can't.

At best there condescending at worst they're like my sister. Do you know she actually deffended Roberston this morning? She said were just jealous because Pat is so holy and he gives to the poor and we just want to tear him down because he's better than us. And that the tape of him saying the assisination of President Chavez is Dr by the liberal media to get the 700 club of the air. yadda yadda yadda. Grr I wanta to clean out my gene pool.
Seriously if you guys know how i can deal with this nut let me know. Zoloff and beer only go so far.

[mondo joe]

20. Posts like this make me glad to be an only child.

My sympathies!

[HereSince1628]

4. I have a very rw daughter and a very left son.

They tease each other a lot, and sometimes it gets to the point of serious and one or both of them get steamed.

But they actually remain good friends. Much tension is released because they both are Cardinal fans. They also love to complain about their idiot parents.

[DanCa]

8. So you guys are the common enemy ? JK :D) (nt)

[LoKnLoD]

7. Sometimes your parents are Cons

You just have to agree not to talk about politics. It's hard to hate your parents for their political views, no matter how stupid you think they are.

[mondo joe]

11. True. That's why I didn't ask about family members.

As the saying goes, you don't choose your family.

[gollygee]

10. We talk about things other than politics

like our kids, schools, grocery shopping, whatever.

[mondo joe]

16. Thank you gollygee - but here's what I'm wondering about:

I can imagine having a conversation with a fundy/freeper/whatever and sticking to non political topics.

What I can't imagine is having an ongoing relationship with such a person to the degree that I'd call them my friend.

Maybe my definition of "friend" is too narrow?

[sui generis]

12. the ones I have and know that could be considered "fundie"

are actually fairly open minded, and hate bush.

They still suffer from the following ideas though:

1. Democrats are inherently weak
2. Liberals are neurotic and obsessed with silly details that don't really matter
3. Republicans are more "noble" in their causes
4. We just want to take money and rights away from everyone
5. Liberals want to CHANGE America into something weak and neurotic

Don't flame me - I'm reporting the news, not making it.

But the REAL fundies and the REAL hardcore republicans - I most certainly do NOT think of as my friends at all and totally lack the capacity for civility in a political discussion. (moi, uncivil? the very thought!!! :evilgrin:)

Here is my conception of their side:

1. They operate largely on emotion and how things make them feel
2. They let authority figures tell them how they feel
3. Facts are just used to confuse feelings
4. Highly judgemental (us too)
5. Everything can easily be categorized as good or bad, black or white
6. There are long traditions of social conservatism (Ozzy & Harriet fictitious America) that must be preserved for America to remain strong.
7. There is ALWAYS someone or a group of people to blame for the ills of civilization. Always.

[Evergreen Emerald]

14. I work with a passel of them

I nearly kicked one out of my office last week. But, alas I need to work with these people. They always point me out "she's a liberal, did you know that?" I try to stay away from politics at the office, and when they start spouting, I say, "don't get me started."

My husband is a republican who is disgusted with Bush and Co...so he is do-able!

[in_cog_ni_to]

15. Me either. How could I be friends with people who support

everything ABHORRENT to me? It's just not possible. If they're repuke, I DETEST THEM. Period.

[Liberal Ohioan]

25. My wife is a fundie rw zealot and I love her very much

You dont have to agree on politics at all. Our marriage is not about left and right, it is about right and wrong. We have had to agree not to force our child(hopefully...ren) into certain political molds, but that is about it.

[CitrusLib]

39. Seriously?

My husband is an apolitical Republican who votes the party ticket out of a family habit picked up from my RW father-in-law. We tend to avoid discussing politics. I don't think he's a Bush fan, but the other night when I mentioned Bush's lower than low approval rating on Iraq (just testing the waters for a political conversation), his response was, 'Well I don't think Kerry would be doing much better.'

Dropped it like a hot potato and asked the four year old about his art project.

We've only been married 9 years so I've got plenty of time to work on him, LOL.

Here's what I don't get. He's a social liberal. When I had him take an online political quiz during the campaign season, he most closely aligned with....John Edwards! Bush wasn't even in the top 5.

Sigh. 30 years of familial indoctrination is tough to get through.

[Lumily]

27. That's me.

I can't have a civil conversation with anyone that supports the Republician party, so I don't. Because of that I've become quite isolated living in a red state, but I don't care. I just can't be friends with them.

[tnlefty]

35. I can relate to that!

And a late, welcome to DU, btw.:hi:

[Joanne98]

19. Good for you. I don't have any either. There not worth talking too.

[TwilightZone]

22. I find it interesting that posts like this always seem to be from people

in blue states. You probably don't realize how lucky you are.

Some of us don't have a lot of choice in the matter. I grew up in one very red state and have lived most of my adult life in another (neither by choice). There simply aren't a lot of liberals around, so picking your friends or business associates based on their political beliefs can be a bit of a challenge.

[mondo joe]

26. I'm not sure what "posts like this" are - I think I'm asking a question

which your post, in part, answers.

Annd yes, I am lucky, though I've also made choices that account for where I am. That doesn't mean you're supposed to move -- I don't care where you live or who your friends are. I'm just asking about how iit works because it's so outside my experience.

[TwilightZone]

31. Sorry.

By "posts like this", I generally mean posts that express disbelief that anyone can have friends of acquaintenances that don't share their political beliefs.

These posts tend to be accusatory (yours isn't, of course), along the lines of "you're evil if you have friendships, family, associations, or business customers who are Republicans". This is a pretty common theme here at DU. Hence, my bit of defensiveness, for which I apologize.

Many of us don't have a lot of choice in the matter. As a business owner in one of the reddest states, if I refused to work with Republicans, I'd go out of business.

Frankly, I'm surprised any time that people proclaim that they don't have any conservative friends, relatives, or business acquaintences. Considering that not everyone is overtly political, I suspect that this statement may not be as absolute as they think.

[mondo joe]

33. I don't think of business or other acquaintances, or family, as "friends"

which is what I asked about.

As I've posted several times, I am quite able to be FRIENDLY with a range of people.

Being FRIENDS with someone who doesn't share my values is something I have a hard time imagining.

[TwilightZone]

37. Same problem.

When you grow up and live in areas that are heavily conservative, you have a choice - either don't have a lot of friends or have some friends that are conservative.

In my case, it's a little of each. I have a couple of friends who are liberal and some that are conservative. I talk politics with the liberal ones and have pretty much agreed to disagree on several issues with the conservatives.

[Barad Simith]

23. For me, it comes down to...

...not wanting to end a 14-year friendship, not wanting to give up hope that he'll someday wake up. It's not impossible, since I made the gradual shift from right to left during the last couple years of the '90s.

However, I would find it impossible to start a new friendship with a right-winger.

[inchhigh]

24. Priorities

I work in public education which tend to lean left but I'm in an administrative building that is certainly further right than the rest of the district (and this district is relatively conservative to start with). I think it is clear to just about everybody that I'm one of the staunchest lefties around. Some of the wingnuttiest people in the building are in a department that I coordinate with almost hourly. I have to get along with these people to do my job (and I do believe in what I'm doing). Mostly we just don't talk about stuff using the obvious buzz words and that keeps people from getting angry. That department is full of good people. They have good (but I believe misguided) hearts and care about many of the things I do. We talk about family a lot. I've come to realize that for them politics just isn't a priority. The main reason they won't change their minds is that they just don't feel strongly enough to make the effort. It is easier for them to circulate among their other wingnuttier friends if they just accept the popular memes. They just don't care that much what I believe. I'm sure none of the love football as much as I do. I think politic is on the same level for them as sports is for many people. "You like that? Cool. Now what else can we talk about?"

[TlalocW]

28. I've been friends with one since college

I stay his friend because I'm always right. I don't know how he stays my friend as I would think that would get awfully frustrating after a while. :)

TlalocW

[More Than A Feeling]

29. I like having people around to talk politics with

doesn't matter which side they are on. In fact, my political circle (in person, not online) is all people whom I vehemently disagree with on most things. If we are friends, we can and will argue and even shout at each other, then go away and think "I can't believe he/she supports this or that!" The next time we see each other, it will still be cordial. They know that I am the loud and proud token Democrat, and they still hang with me, even when I annoy them. I still hang with them, even when they annoy me. They are my friends. I trust them, and they trust me.

[mtnsnake]

32. I love your post

and I share all the same sentiments!

"I trust them, and they trust me" says it all.

[mtnsnake]

30. A couple of my best friends are staunch Republicans & I'm going to answer

your question, "How do you manage a friendship with such a person?" in an upcoming thread that I've been thinking about posting but just haven't taken the time to do so yet.

As to you not knowing how you could "talk about movies or gardening or much of anything else with someone I'd have to consider opposed to everything about America I value", then perhaps you need to realize that everything's not so black and white when it comes to friends. Many conservatives don't oppose "EVERYTHING" about America we value. I have some Republican friends who share many of the values that we do, and some who don't. The ones who don't share many of those values are the friends I USED to have.

[mondo joe]

34. You'll please note I didn't ask about "Republicans" but freepers,

fundies and the far right.

I wonder if you could convey the values you or we share with them.

[mtnsnake]

38. Fair enough, mondo joe

You did not mention Republicans. Sorry about that. :hi:

[newportdadde]

36. My two best friends are RW.

Well one is RW(catholic pro-life you know the drill) and the other is more Libertarian(all about his money going to welfare moms). Luckily both these guys could care less about politics etc when the presidential eleciton roles around every 4 years. Then they just spout RW talking points or send around bogus emails. Had one this past election that said Edwards and delayed flu vaccines because he sued the compaines in England...

Overall though my policy for both of them and anyone I work with is.. NEVER discuss politics or religion.

[BiggJawn]

40. Neither do I.

How I could be "friends" with someone who would see me locked up in a camp someplace or DEAD is beyond my comprehension.

[jzodda]

41. One of my best friends is a Rep conservative

and not just any either-he worked at places like the Heritage foundation and a few other right wing think tanks.

and we talk about politics too.

When it gets heated we talk about something else and we never let it get personal. We enjoy the debate aspects though. Back in college we even did a few episodes of college crossfire taped with an audience and everything.

I would hate to have all my friends think just like I do. That would be so boring. He is a great guy and we have had lots of fun times over the years despite the politcs. Its not like thats ALL we talk about.

Hes proud of his misguided views and I am proud of mine. Sometimes we can not agree and sometimes we see a compromise position on an issue. Thats how things really do get done in D.C by the way-you try to meet in the middle where you can.

[Balbus]

42. I have no idea the political persuasion of my friends.

It's just not a thing I choose to use as a barometer of friendship.

[Cats Against Frist]

43. I know a lot of yellow-dog/butternut dems turned Bush Worshippers

But, most of them are all over it, now -- they're part of that like 35 percent who just "bandwagon" whoever's in power. They loved Clinton, too...

The way you deal with them is to simply not talk about politics, and let them pick on you for anything they perceive to be urban.

The one group of people I don't know, and I'm glad not to know, are FUNDIES. Good gravy -- I ask your same question of fundies. I honestly don't think I could even consider them sane enough to talk to. I have a hard time with all religion, as it is. If I had to be around a bunch of fundies, I don't know what I'd do. But, like you, I see people here, all the time who are like married to one, or have a fundie sister or brother-in-law.

[WeRQ4U]

44. They were my friends, first and foremost.

They would do anything for me and anything for our mutual friends. They are reliable, friendly, intelligent and funny. I know that some of them have political and ideological views which contrast my own. But these views can be products of numerous things, ie. their social background, their parental guidance or lack thereof, their religious beliefs etc., and whether I agree with them or not, I respect their decisions. Sure, we argue politics sometimes and it can get really heated, but there isn't a single friend that I have that I would discard based on political ideology. They mean to much to me.