Late-Night Political Jokes for Dems

[Amy6627]

"Pat Robertson, in case you don't know, is a televangelist. He's one of the big ones and also one of the dumbest ones. He's getting a lot of heat today after suggesting on his show yesterday that we go ahead and assassinate the president of Venezuela. Well, that is what Jesus would do." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Needless to say, the Venezuelan government is not amused. I guess they don't realize the only people watching the '700 Club' are 7 100-year-olds." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Lance Armstrong is going to come down to the ranch -- the controversial Lance Armstrong -- and Bush is thrilled about this. He's like a kid. He said how many times do you get a chance to go biking with someone who's been on the moon?" --Bill Maher

"Three missiles were fired on one of our ships in the Gulf of Aqaba in Jordan, and the administration is scrambling to determine exactly who these attackers were, and which country that had nothing to do with it we can invade." --Bill Maher

"Tough times in Israel. The settlers didn't want to leave because they feel that the land was given to them by God. It's the same way that Republicans feel about the White House." --Jay Leno