Captain Cokejaw Addresses the Nation...

[reprehensor]

APe -- In a speech designed to draw attention away from Karl Rove's looming indictment, Tom DeLay's looming prison term, Bill Frist's alleged insider trading, Dennis Hastert's struggle with the Turkmen, a Federal budget deficit described by Greenspan as 'out of control', Ambassador A.W.O.L. cartwheeled onto center stage and bandied about his favorite two words, "September Eleventh", in a rally for the sacrifice of more children of the 'un-wealthy'.

"Brownie did a heck of a job freeing up some cannon fodder down there in Louisiana," said the Katrina Kid as he wiggled his jaw menacingly, "...therefore we must sacrifice these people so we can then honor their sacrifice". (blink blink blink)

Casting aside the reality of a military spread thinner than the veneer of William Bennet's respectability, Mr. Skull and Bones '04 did his best to assure Carlyle investors and Halliburton stockholders that the good stuff is 'just gittin' started'.

"We've gotta stomp Iran. I mean, we've gotta stop Iran. From uh, getting uh, more Islamic. Because Islamic is not good." (lick lips)

Looking haggard and confused, the Segway Master cast his beady-eyed gaze to and fro as he announced that the 'jig's up' for Syria too.

"September 11th. Syria. See the connection? I just made the connection. Same sentence. Connected. Look, I'll do it again... September 11th, Syria. In other words, gotta bomb 'em. They're connected."

Firmly casting aside the Geneva Conventions, the Pretzel King likened the War on Terror to 'My Pet Goat', "I once read a book. It's famous book. I think they call it liter-- litera-- litchiture..."

"...and in the book, brave Americans show resolve as they deal with a goat. So if we look at the goat, and we look at the War on Terror, it's simple. We must steadfastly reject the advice of those who would cut and run from a goat. We must fight goats. There are a lot of goats in the Middle East. It's no coincidence."

-----------------------------------

(Disclaimer: this is satire. You knuckledragger.)

[PDittie]

1. LMFAO

Great one, rep.

[reprehensor]

9. "September 11th"

Terror. War. Fear. Lather, rinse, repeat.

"There's a saying... don't let-- don't let terror... get your goat. We must take the battle... to the goat."

[henslee]

2. bwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[GreenPartyVoter]

3. *lmao*

[soup]

4. Captain Cokejaw

This is hilarious, reprehensor! But then again, I missed the 'major speech', so it could just as easily be a transcript.

thank you :rofl:

[texpatriot2004]

5. Captain Cokejaw...that's hilarious LMAO n/t

[jeanarrett]

6. That hit me just right.

F**kin' hilarious!! Especially about the goats! :rofl:

[blackcatpgh]

7. excellent work...

(edited for quote fuckup)

"September 11th. Syria. See the connection? I just made the connection. Same sentence. Connected. Look, I'll do it again... September 11th, Syria. In other words, gotta bomb 'em. They're connected."

that gets this post nominated-

cheers!

[texpatriot2004]

8. Remember Chapelle talking about coke addicts in the WH?

All of the sudden that Chapelle comment, "come on baby, sign the treaty" doesn't seem that far off.

How many drug dealers did that lying lunatic "Captain Cokejaw" * pardon?

[TalkingDog]

10. Commander Chimpy McCokeJaw.... n/t