Anti-Consumeristic X-Mas Plan!!

[Sir_Snooze]

I wrote this crappy editorial for my newspaper.
Here it is, in all its (lack of) splendor

Let’s think of all the irrelevant things we own. All the stuff that the TV tells you that is absolutely essential to normal life, and without that particular brand name object, you have an inferior product. I’m referring to commercials, where the man and woman are all happy, now that he has the “thing”.

With this, I need to ask some questions. Like why are we so nieve that we can believe that all this stuff is useful at all. To help this idea along, I’ll give you the example of Canadian Tire.

Ever seen a Canadian Tire advertisement? If so, you’ll notice that the stuff they sell is completely useless to us Joe’s 99.99% of the time. Generators, solar camp powering, In-car DVD players, Things that let you dive underwater without moving? Why would anyone need that? I go camping to get AWAY from technology, not bring it along with me! Do I need a propeller to swim for me? Last I checked, going into the water had the sole purpose of, oh I don’t know, SWIMMING!! Use your legs, folks!!

I’d like to say that Canadian Tire is a junk store, plain and simple. But then I thought about it, and I discovered that a lot of stores sell junk. You may not think this as junk, but do you really need a (n):
- “Company’s Coming” Expresso Machine (500$)
- CD case protectors ($0.50)
- Jacket Guard for books ($7.50)
- “Whirlpool” Dishwasher by Kenmore ($1150)
- Electric Whip-it and Lawnmower set (depends)
- Auto-translator
- Cheese Cutting Board
- “Mach 3 Turbo from Gilette” (razor) ($11.50)
- Cologne and Perfume
- Expensive “designer” shampoos and conditioner
- Makeup as a whole
- Vacuuming robot
- Mr. Clean “Magic Eraser”, or other miracle cleaners.

You know, I think I could shorten this whole list up really quick and really cheap. Wanna see?
- Kettle
- Tap
- Taking care of your stuff
- Dishtowels
- Soap
- Knife
- Cutting Board
- Razor blade
- Elbow grease
- Taking care of yourself (not smoking, eating at least properly)


What do you notice about these two lists? One of them is really expensive and promises to do everything for you. Makeup makes you pretty instantly (or claims to), expresso machines are good to impress your friends with and the rest either allows you to beat your stuff up or do things for you without you raising a finger. My list says simply to use what’s available, taking care of your things and a little elbow grease.

Ladies and Gentlemen, are we embroiled in a stuff war? Do we need to have the most stuff in the neighborhood to impress our pals? Isn’t that what this is all about? I’d like to introduce you to a theory of mine. It’s called the

ATOMIC BOMB THEORY

In 1945, the United States dropped the atomic bomb on Japan. Instantly, the U.S.S.R, Britain and other world players scrambled to get “The Bomb”. When the U.S.S.R found out how to build our atom bomb (1949), the US turned around and built the H-bomb. Suddenly, the whole function of an army was the H-bomb. Without it, your nation was nothing but a second-class weakling, regardless of how many conventional weapons you had. Many nations that couldn’t (or can’t today) afford “the Bomb” realistically, like the People’s Republic of China went out and spent money that should have been spent on their social disasters on the bomb’s manufacture. This almost blew the world to catastrophe in 1962’s Cuban Missile Crisis. Now, let’s use this theory to make a scenario to illustrate this epidemic.

Let’s make up three people (Joe, Bob and Tom) here. Joe is poor, and really can’t afford much, while the other two have equal, higher income. Let’s say that they’re all into mechanical tools, and each has the same set of functioning tools. However, Bob buys a new, faster drill. All of the sudden, Bob’s got the best tools, and regardless of the fact that Joe and Tom each own a functioning drill they both go out and buy better. Oh, and Tom bought a table saw, too. So, Bob and Joe run out to buy a table saw, and the vicious cycle continues with other appliances. Soon, it’s open war, each one besting each other time and time again.

So what, you say. Their tools weren’t as good, so they got new ones. What’s the problem? Well, Joe can’t really afford such expensive junk, and eventually he will run himself into huge problems. Sadly, such stupidity is rampantly common today, as people axe common sense for the sake of “keeping up” with the others. And who profits, you ask? Of course, major corporations who actually try and breed this irresponsible behavior in the name of profit! They just keep raking in the dough from idiots who want to feel accepted by buying what they can’t afford.

These companies do a really good job of hammering this consumerism into the kids at a really early age. Clothing and gadgets are really bad, as are card games. I remember being sucked into Pokemon cards as a kid, so we’ll use that. Without Pokemon cards, you were trash at my grade school, and it really showed. Advertising for new series, advertising for the shows and movies…all of them sucked us kids into a kind of atomic bomb theory of our own. We spent our allowances in search of elusive rare cards, and once in our possession we were special folks! Now, they gotta catch up to us! Yippee! The atomic bomb showed up everywhere in our lives. At my school, you need an iPod and a cell-phone (for the ladies) to even be considered for coolness.

I recently asked iPod owners if they owned CD players or MP3 players that still functioned at home. Almost all did, leaving me to question a few things. For one, why are we so lazy that we can’t spend a few seconds changing discs in a perfectly good CD player? If they owned another MP3 player, I must wonder why they have a new one. More space? I don’t think so, since my entire music collection (huge) wouldn’t quite fill an iPod Classic. No one has that many songs they like, so don’t be fooled by the
“20GB” sales pitch. Really, the iPod is an “atomic bomb” device, an example of adolescent “keeping up with the Jone’s”.

Now, let’s look at the second fact of western consumerism; somebody’s gotta make the crap. Who does that, you ask? Look at the bottom of most devices and you’ll see “Made in China” or “Made in India”. You know what that means? That means that profit-above-people corporations are exploiting women, children and men with low wages and no environmental control. In essence, the PRoC has become our slaves. They make the crap, we buy it at inflated prices to fill people’s wallets, and the workers suffer. Some say that business moving to China is bad; I agree, but for different reasons. We have no right to go out there and offer to provide slave-labour jobs that pay nothing and are extremely dangerous. That’s not to say all Chinese work in factories, but there are many that suffer at the hands of greedy companies. They don't even put safety's in, like in Bhopal. Bloody scum.

One last argument against consumerism; the commercials that they broadcast to show off their crap are unrealistic and actually can harm people. I have trouble resisting the urge to smash a T.V when I see Much Music (or MTV). These are corporately owned advertising machines. They raise “singers” to the show so that the singers can advertise junk for companies. They know that the kids who watch are easily subverted (you wouldn’t watch it if you weren’t told to by “cool” people), so they make up “gangster” styled plastic things and charge $80 for them. I watch the shoe ads, the clothing ads, the phone ads…and I scratch my head and wonder. Why do I want “Nike Air” shoes? Because they showed me somebody jumping up and down talking while wearing “Nike Air”? I jump up and down and talk in my tattered sneakers; no one cares. The clothing ads are my favourites. The idea is simple; they embroider some dumb-looking thing onto my pants and charge me $50 more for them? Or, how about I wear a shirt with “Homie” on it? Look, folks. These are the same as normal clothes, but they have ads on them. Yay. Remind me to get excited, okay?

Another commercial sector that should be stopped is the cosmetics/undergarment commercials. While the problem is not the product, there definitely is a problem. It’s the folks that act the parts for these commercials. Shampoo commercials bother me the most. Some depict a skinny woman in the shower, her arms seductively (and conveniently) covering her breasts. Then, the camera goes to her hair, as she rubs it slowly with white bubbles. Cut to voice acting, and you’ve got a commercial. Last I checked cameras do not belong in the shower. I don’t care for the actors (they chose the life), but the “fat” (slightly overweight) people that see this and get drastic about looking like the shower people. The same idea applies for underwear ads, only a lot less subliminal than shampoo and makeup. Here are some scary facts:

7 million women in the U.S are diagnosed with an eating disorder.
15 million Americans have undergone plastic surgery.

Does that scare you? The fact that the ads and T.V shows with scantily clad, attractive women have essentially convinced about 19 million people that they are imperfect, and must conform to the will of the companies. Oh, and did I mention that these companies make a lot of money off of their propaganda machine? Seems a bit like the Borg and “You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.”

Come on folks! We can best this rabid trend. Buy what you need, not what others tell you is cool. Forget celebrities; they’re walking billboards. Don’t waste money on “neat” or “handy” objects. I go to a store with a simple objective; buy the cheapest, least advertised product. Those tend to be the hardy, better items anyway. If possible, avoid brands (especially on hair and clothing products). Your wallet, the Chinese environment and yourself will be very pleased by your decision.

______________________________________________________________________

I've come up with a plan; anti-C(orporate Greed)mas!!
This year, I'm not getting or receiving anything that was bought at a chain store, or was made in "China". Not because I have anything against China; it's to see those ruddy bastards that deliberately "forget" safety to make us pointless shit we'll never use bleed. I'm making stuff for everyone. I've got my entire family in agreement.

Feel free to take the idea to your friends and family; I want to see those suits writhe as the money dries out. I want Wal-Mart to Burn!!

[NorCalDem]

1. Great rant/commentary!

I agree! (although we both apparently own computers ;))

[Sir_Snooze]

3. True...

My compy is used for work, so I've got an excuse.
Well, not really...I got it as a hand-me-down. It sucks, but I don't care. It works, which is what matters.

[NorCalDem]

4. Same here, I use mine everyday for what they're intended for...

and a little bit of illicit things as well :evilgrin:

There is a need for some of it, but the point is that we all don't need all of it. You want the Ipod, fine. But forget the XBox360 :D

(Santa, if you're listening, psst...)

[no_hypocrisy]

2. Time and attention are the ultimate gifts.

Go out and give someone you love a nice memory.