All aboard the ClusterFuck Express Straight to Hell---!

[mopaul]

Yessir, she's right on time too, just like clockwork by God. Here she comes, the Clusterfuck Express, barrelin' down the track on a one way trip straight to hell with all passengers aboard.

Your engineer is George 'Casey Jones' Bush, and he's firin' up them boilers with real people, not coal. Shovelin' em' into the furnace and openin' up the throttle all the way. Can't you hear the whistle blowin' mournfully in the distance? She's a comin' alrighty, to meet her appointed rounds.

The rackety ol' number 43, the ClusterFuck Express, the fireman is dead, the conductor bailed out, the brakes are gone, and the bridge is out up ahead at Iraqi pass. But the engineer is stayin' the course, hellbound for glory, passengers be damned. He's got a train to deliver, and nobody is gonna slow him down.

When he blows the whistle of the ClusterFuck Express, it almost sounds like people wailing, like a thousand mothers and babies screamin their last breaths. The rumble and the roar as the track itself comes apart and splinters under the black wheels, throwin' sparks into the night, and the smokestack spittin' the rocket's red glare.

Here she comes boys, the ClusterFuck Express with hundreds of red white and blue flags all wavin' and flappin' in the smoke and fire!
The rails ache and bend under the weight of the great black snake as it screams through the valley. The railroad ties are people, groaning and crying out, as they feel the heat of the ClusterFuck Express.

And where's she bound boys? Where could ol' number 43 be goin' in such a God awful hurry? There's nothin' up ahead but a mountainside, the rails stop at it's base, no tunnel, no turnstile, no sidetrack. Just a flat, granite wall, beyond which is hell itself.
The engineer, smiling and grimly determined to deliver his load to it's appointed destination.

This train don't take no liberals, this train. This train don't take no Arabs this train. This train's not bound for glory, the engineer has no desire for legacy, the throttle is wrenched in full open position, the dead man's switch has a brick on it. This train runs on blood and misery and greed, the finest burning fuel.

ALL ABOARD! Last chance to catch a ride, git yer ticket, take yer seat, and hang on people! The ClusterFuck Express is a runaway, and she's buildin' up a hell of a head of steam, and when she pulls in to that mountain straight ahead it'll be one glorious monstrous crash! How they'll talk about that awful day, for years to come, around quiet campfires and sad faces. They'll talk about the train, and it's engineer who went mad, and took all those people straight to hell with him.

[NorCalDem]

1. mopaul

you're on fire tonight! :grr:

"Drivin' that train, high on cocaine...
trouble ahead, trouble behind..."
~Grateful Dead

[Warren Stupidity]

2. Beyond Clusterfuck...

Beyond even a Mongolian Clusterfuck...

What we have here is a Total Goat Fuck.

Yessir we are multidimensionally screwed.

[DELUSIONAL]

3. Something specific get your ire up -- or just the fact that bushie

keeps shoveling the crap higher and higher??

[Botany]

4. Great Writing!

And as the Clusterfuck Express neared the washed out bridge the wild
eyed engineer gave out bibles and put up more flags all the while
yelling, "Stay the course ..... stay the course ...... my Daddy ran the Iraqi
express and won his war in less then 30 days ...... I have to show Daddy
I am a man."

Trouble ahead lady in red
take my advice you would be
better off dead.

[madokie]

5. Mo' I'm reading this listening to Abraham, Martin and John

it's like prophetical

[DistressedAmerican]

6. Among My All Time Favorite MoPaul Threads! Nominated.

Cheers to you!:toast:

Stop that fucking train!

[Gyre]

7. Really excellent.

Feel better? I do.:thumbsup:

Gyre

[SnoopDog]

8. You didn't write that did you....

There is proper capitalization of letters.....

[mopaul]

10. i'm all for usin' proper english n' everything

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

9. K&R... Dammit, Boy! When you're hot, you're hot!

Well said and written.

[madokie]

12. One of the best I've read

Its printed out and laying on the bar in the kitchen as I type. My wife reads it, looks at me and just smiles, she knows.

[IChing]

11. Great writing tonight I agree. n/t

[SpiralHawk]

13. She's a Mighty Fine Rant, choo choooo. She's a Mighty Fine Rant...

MoPaul is like totally rantin.

[justgamma]

14. Outstanding!!

Super writing!

[donheld]

15. Mopaul you give the best rants!

keep it up :toast:

[bleever]

16. Damn. So recommended.

Shit. So good.

:thumbsup:

[lonestarnot]

31. So damned recommended!

[0007]

17. Kudos!

[Tace]

18. Just Have To Lift This Sucker -- Thanks Mo

http://worldnewstrust.org/modules/AMS/article.php?storyid=1773

[Tsiyu]

19. Chugga Chugga - Chugga Chugga - Chugga Chugga - Chugga Chugga

Screeeeeeeew Yooooooooouuuuuuuu...


That train? Yeah, I keep waiting for it to derail.

[mopaul]

20. yes, THAT train, headed straight for the ol' number 43

[BamaBecky]

21. no breaks? Oh man, I want off this train so bad!

[Swamp Rat]

22. Only the engineer gets off... he's got a Blackhawk helicopter waitin'

overhead. Hopefully the pilot will at the last minute say, "fuck that asshole!" :)

mopaul roolz

[ComerPerro]

23. mopaul, this is some fantastic writing

You captured it so well...

[Swamp Rat]

24. Masterpiece

[patdem]

Thanks for kickin everyone..to think I coulda missed it cause mopaul

never does kick his own stuff. This is a MASTERPIECE! Thanks and a K&R for some other person who will be greatful for not missing it! :kick:

[patdem]

25. dupe..sorry

[mopaul]

26. the aftermath

[troubleinwinter]

27. Kick, nominated & printed!!!

[Loge23]

28. right on track, Mo!

Great rant! Now if we can get the Swamp Rat to illustrate it!

[donsu]

29. the ClusterFuck Express is not FEMALE

I'm disappointed mopaul

[tomreedtoon]

34. In English, all vehicles are female. Get used to it.

All trains, planes, automobiles, busses and trucks are female when they are personified in the English language. And to take the first three, that's the reason why Steve Martin and the late John Candy had such trouble in that Christmas movie. If any of those devices had been male, they would have had an uncomfortable, bristly, hairy trip back home, but they would have gotten there. Those female conveyences turned against them every time.

[donsu]

35. NO - I disagree. not a joking matter

nt

[tomreedtoon]

41. I disagree with the outrage, and I ain't kiddin' either.

Standing around and saying, "How dare they call an evil train a woman?" is the kind of statement I'd expect from a Starbucks habitue. Someone who expresses outrage without knowing anything about the facts.

There was an important concepts of George Bush's obscession in the original post. Tacking a supposed feminist issue onto it, by complaining about vehicles being known as female, is just inappropriate. It's also the kind of cappuccino commentary that practically invites the Limbaugh types to dismiss everything progressives say.

[donsu]

44. LOL at your assumptions

saddened at your misogyny

[Straight Shooter]

30. "smokestacks spittin' the rocket's red glare"

One of the finest phrases ever written, mopaul. And the rest ain't bad, either.

:yourock:

[Hubert Flottz]

32. He was headed down grade making 90 miles an hour when the

Sprocket on his mountain Bike Broke;

They found him in the grass with the kickstand up his a @$$ and his balls a-playin' dixie on the spokes!




Cracy George said before he died,
There's five more things that he would like to ride,
A tricycle, bicycle, automobile, old bow legged Condie and a Ferris wheel

[SammyWinstonJack]

33. K&R

Good stuff! :applause:

[wovenpaint]

36. keep this kicked!

:woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:
You've NAILED it!!1!! Great job!1 (heh, heh)

[annabanana]

37. Sweet Lord, You're riding lightning Mo...

hot stuff

[lectrobyte]

38. anybody got an mp3 of "Conductor Wore Black" handy? It's coming

back into style unfortunately.

[kliljedahl]

39. K& R Excellent rant

[mikelewis]

40. Kicked and Nominated.

Excellent post.

[i miss america]

42. Even though he doesn't wear tights and a cape, I'm still holding out hope

that SuperFitz will come to our rescue and stop the hijacked locomotive in the nick of time.

:kick: :yourock:

[kentuck]

43. Mopaul's on a roll !

A good one ! :)

[AuntPatsy]

45. Absolutely loved reading this, you have a way with words.

[Javaman]

46. They repaired the bridge with a brick wall... n/t