Activist Judge Cancels Christmas

[Thom Little]

In a sudden and unexpected blow to the Americans working to protect the holiday, liberal U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals Judge Stephen Reinhardt ruled the private celebration of Christmas unconstitutional Monday.

"In accordance with my activist agenda to secularize the nation, this court finds Christmas to be unlawful," Judge Reinhardt said. "The celebration of the birth of the philosopher Jesus—be it in the form of gift-giving, the singing of carols, fanciful decorations, or general good cheer and warm feelings amongst families—is in violation of the First Amendment principles upon which this great nation was founded."

In addition to forbidding the celebration of Christmas in any form, Judge Reinhardt has made it illegal to say "Merry Christmas." Instead, he has ruled that Americans must say "Happy Holidays" or "Vacaciones Felices" if they wish to extend good tidings.

Within an hour of the judge's verdict, National Guard troops were mobilized to enforce the controversial ruling.

"Sorry, kids, no Christmas this year," Beloit, WI mall Santa Gene Ernot said as he was led away from his Santa's Village in leg irons. "Write to your congressman to put a stop to these liberal activist judges. It's up to you to save Christmas! Ho ho ho!"


http://www.theonion.com/content/node/43438

[ticapnews]

1. See, the problem with this is...

some Xtian whackjob is going to read this and take it seriously, like they did when The Onion wrote the story about Harry Potter teaching witchcraft. Having no sense of humor, they will not understand the satire...

[FreedomAngel82]

4. Oh of course

I didn't get the Onion at first either but than I read more and it's easy to know. Some articles do seem like reality.

[PA Democrat]

12. They already think this is true.

Yesterday, I saw a car with a large homemade sign that read:

To HELL with liberal judges! It's NOT Happy Holidays, it's Merry Christmas

I tried to catch up with this good "Christian" hoping to ask him which liberal judge had declared the utterance of "Merry Christmas" unconstitutional, but he was driving like a bat out of hell.

These Christmas martyrs are not only hypocrites, they're stupid hypocrites.

[rpannier]

2. It's about time...

I was hoping some liberal activist judge would finally take up the cause and end Christmas. All that gift giving and presents and stuff.
Now, we need to mobilize the combined forces of the US Military and take Santa's Workshop.
What's next for us liberal types? Take out the Easter Bunny and end Easter. Followed by ending Valentine's Day.

[mongo]

5. Not valentine's Day!

That is the biggest day of the year for adult toy sales!!!

Isn't raucus sex with aid of mechanical devices still a liberal value?

[rpannier]

6. Hey...I want that naked infant eliminated

Naked child with a bow and arrow. It's a veiled attempt to promote pedophelia and violence.

[mongo]

7. You mean this little guy?

[rpannier]

8. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The human body in it's nekkedness....My eyes...They're burning!!!!!!!!! Sin, evil, nekked body. Help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mongo]

11. I always wanted to put a print of one of those paintings

up in the front room of the store, just to see if I'd get busted for it.

[buddysmellgood]

3. How can we turn Easter into an economic engine like Christmas?

[kskold]

9. Easter Economics

<How can we turn Easter into an economic engine like Christmas?>

Have you *looked* at the size of Easter baskets recently? And the toys kids expect in them? Not even considering the amount of chocolate and other candy, and possibly fancy new Easter clothes.

I think Easter's holding up its end of the economy fairly well.

Watch for it to be pinned down to the most profitable weekend - floating holidays make such a mess when it comes to planning and annual sales comparisions...

[buddysmellgood]

It's true. Right now it's the candy manufacturers holiday. But they are

trying to add presents. I'ts sick. When you see the people, who claim to be Christians, send their kids out (no holds barred) to compete for eggs and candy, you have to shake your head. These hunts turn into mob scenes of kids pushing other kids, stealing from smaller kids, and general greed. Usually they are competing for a prize and a picture in the paper. So much for rising from the dead.

[buddysmellgood]

10. It's true. Right now it's the candy manufacturers holiday. But they are

trying to add presents. I'ts sick. When you see the people, who claim to be Christians, send their kids out (no holds barred) to compete for eggs and candy, you have to shake your head. These hunts turn into mob scenes of kids pushing other kids, stealing from smaller kids, and general greed. Usually they are competing for a prize and a picture in the paper. So much for rising from the dead.