Invitation to my company's Christmas Party...

[driver8]

Merry Christmas Everyone!


Subject: Company Christmas party

December 1st
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit barbecue. There will be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free
to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

(keep reading)
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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now
on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
employees who are celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no
Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 3rd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the
gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 7th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from
the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are
allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay
men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement
for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 9th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit."

Patty Lewis
Human Ratraces

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 10th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit
at
the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll
get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know,
tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard
them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a
rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Bitch from Hell

----------------------------------------------------------------------

December 14th
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with
full pay.

Terri Bishop

[Fridays Child]

1. I got this, too.

:eyes:

[driver8]

3. The "Grill of Death" is what got me...hilarious.

[Kindigger]

8. Just reading along until

"the grill of death" made me spew coffee. :)

[Nostradammit]

4. That's EXACTLY my response

:eyes::eyes::eyes:

[Fridays Child]

5. I suppose...

...it was intended to be funny but it missed the mark, for me. And, more seriously, I'd rather accommodate a hundred different groups' requests than be forced to succumb to one group's demands.

[RebelOne]

15. Have you no sense of humor?

[Fridays Child]

16. Have you no respect for individual tastes?

[RagingInMiami]

2. Hilarious

[Rowdyboy]

6. Thanks! I've seen it before but its still hilarious....

[Qanisqineq]

7. LOL

:rofl:

Funny!

[B Calm]

9. My company had a carry in dinner, everybody brought in a dish. Is

that fucking cheap, or what?

[emmajane67]

10. We had to pay for our own. Cost me £52!!! n/t

[renate]

13. no WAY!!

That's a lot of money!
If I worked at your company, I'd sure be a grinch after forking over 52 pounds. Sheesh. That's horrible.

[LibDemAlways]

11. In my husband's department at the

huge corporation he works for tables were assembled in the hallway at lunch time for a potluck. Those who didn't bring anything were asked to contribute $2.00 for the paper plates and plastic forks. This was organized by the employees themselves. The bastards in charge would have done nothing otherwise. Too busy cashing their fat bonus checks and thinking up new and better ways to screw the workers.

[B Calm]

12. If his corporation is anything like mine, the company people and

their spouses had a nice Christmas dinner bought and paid for by the company.

[hack89]

14. My company funded a dinner for all employees and spouses

at the best restaurant in town. Open bar and plenty of door prizes.

[LibDemAlways]

19. You are lucky to work for

generous bosses. The worst I ever personally experienced was when I worked at a small "mom and pop" travel agency many years ago and they decided to throw their Christmas "party" in the office during office hours. They set out cookies and punch for their clients, while I sat there at my desk answering questions and making reservations.

[ComerPerro]

17. Merry Christmas. Now,

say you love Jesus, or you're fired.



Just wanted to take it to the other extreme.

[mmonk]

18. If the Open Pit Barbecue

is pork, they'll have to write another one.