My response to another idiotic freepish e-mail....feel free to chime in!

[Richardo]

First: the e-mail...

Here's a new spin on a classic cow teaching.

LIBERAL
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your
congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government
programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise
awareness for the cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the
cow-less, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive
that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a
ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though
you really haven't done anything to help them at all.

CONSERVATIVE
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a Man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

Here's my addition:

BUSH’S “COMPASSIONATE” CONSERVATISM
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
The guy on the ranch next door has a herd of 100,000 head.
To stimulate the economy, the government gives you $400 and the guy next door $20,000,000 since he creates jobs for people to clean up after his enormous herd. Or not.
The government does not give anything to the neighbor with no cow, ‘cause hey - no cow.
Next the government takes $800 apiece (so far) from you, your spouse, your children and grandchildren to launch a hostile takeover of another ranch that is led by a disagreeable rancher who abuses his cows and reportedly wants to kill YOUR cows.
Turns out the disagreeable rancher had no means to kill your cows. But he WAS disagreeable.
Government needs another $300 apiece from you and your family to rebuild the ranch it destroyed in the hostile takeover. That should do until next October.
The rancher next door changes his mind about hiring people to work his ranch. Keeps his $20,000,000, lays you and your spouse off.
After eating one cow, you now have one cow.
Your neighbor still has zero cows, and is down a couple of dogs and a cat as well.
Ranch next door now has 150,000 head and $20 million
So what’s the problem?

[SlavesandBulldozers]

1. uh yeah

nevermind that under the Capitalist system of cows mentioned above that the subsequent generations of cows would be inbred.

[Warpy]

7. All commercial beef cows are inbred

...as well as all the dairy cows. Family farming and hiring a bull to service one's cows once a year went out with the whalebone corset. Agribusiness now collects semen from bulls they think are the best (according to some really arbitrary and bizarre standards) and impregnates a whole megaherd with it year after year, long after the bull is dead and gone, from frozen semen. One bull may sire several generations of animals within an entire state or even region.

Now THAT is inbred.

[democratreformed]

2. Loved

your addition! :)

[KC21304]

3. I would reply, " I don't pass on bullshit like this "

[Richardo]

4. I don't, but I *do* "Reply All"

:evilgrin:

[KC21304]

5. Me too, and I have some right leaning relatives with some really, really

right wing nut friends.

[Richardo]

6. How'd you know I got this from a relative?

:D

[Skittles]

11. OUTSTANDING, RICHARDO

:thumbsup:

[nannygoat]

8. Excellent, Richardo! I'm not clever enough to do it but

maybe you could work the "death tax" in there, too?

[Richardo]

9. Should also have had the rich guy send all his cows overseas...

so they could be taken care of by lower cost labor...but what the heck, I was writing on the fly.

thanks for your comments! :D

[NormanConquest]

10. Capitalism, American Style

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and try to build a herd of cows.
ADM learns of your plans and sues you for theft of intellectual property (the cow's genome is owned by ADM).
You lose the case, sell the farm, and work as a greeter at Wal-Mart.