How do you tell someone that they are offensive?

[bruce21040]

I understand that after a hard day at work, men have the right to carry with them a certain... bouquet... brought on by the natural excretion of sweat as he works.
However, when this individual shows up in the morning and it is obvious that the word shower is not in his vocabulary, something must be done.

Background.

I own a business
In my wifes Bible study group, there seems to be a couple that had a son that was unable to find employment for the last few years or so.
They prayed that he would find a job, and that his depression would lift as he became self sufficient once again. He is 24.

So, after my wife suggested that I hire him, as I was looking for additional help at the time, I felt it in my best marital interest to do just that.

Everyone was happy, his parents, my wife, the young man.

Now, Monday came around and this individual shows up for work, mind you that we are in peoples homes during the day and we count on repeat business to drive our income.

So when he showed up for the first day of work, he smelled as if he had not showered. first thing in the morning.
Tuesday? same thing, all the way to Friday.

Without joking let me say this, upon arrival at the end of the day, I left the doors open on the work van to allow it to air out. I also fear that our customers will not call us back because his aroma stays in the room long after he leaves.
I was reminded of the Seinfeld episode where his car was saturated with body odor and he was unable to even give it away.

so, to the point, How do you tell someone that they need to bath and use deodorant prior to coming to work?

Come up with decent ways to do it, and I will let you know who's advice was used to solve this pungent problem.

My business partner just wants to throw him in the bay and toss soap at him. I suggested that this might bring legal action against us.

[benburch]

1. Just say it...

Tell him to show up with better hygiene in the future. That is really the best way.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

2. In that situation you just have to say it.

Uncomfortable as it may be, you'll have to just say it.

[WillParkinson]

3. Take him aside...

Tell him that you're pleased with his work (if you are) but...and then let him know the problem.

[BlondieK143]

4. We had the same problem at my work.

Any direct contact/rudeness with the employee will allow for them to take legal action against them. HOWEVER, IF you decide that the problem has affected working conditions, you may have a staff meeting including all the individuals in the business. In this meeting, discuss progress/other things pertaining to things going on. CASUALLY mention hygeine. And DO NOT point any fingers. Make it a vague statement how your employees represent you/the future of the company. Simple enough. See if he takes it to heart.

[bruce21040]

9. This is the fear that I have

Even if I do it as you said, ( by the way the most diplomatic way) I am afraid that he could still take it personal, or the others would have the door opened to start giving him grief.

We are too young of a company to deal with major issues right now.

[BlondieK143]

12. I understand.

I'm taking it that the other employees have acknowledged the problem? I know that it's going to be difficult if he does take it personal, but you also have to think of how this could hurt your business. You could start to lose some of it and I know your company doesn't need that right now either. If you talk to him first on the side and casually mention that there have been some problems (and that you're having to talk to ALL the employyes) and THEN have a meeting you could be less likely to be at fault as well since you warned him first AND made sure everyone else knew that you were serious about the issue.

[HEyHEY]

5. Come to work clena shavin' and showered or we'll find someone else

You stinkin jerk!

[Systematic Chaos]

6. Tell him exactly what you've told us,

especially the part about your customers' well being. Depression will do that sort of thing to people, and maybe he's still too mired in his past troubles to have a clear focus on what he needs to do now. You may even offer to have a talk with him after buying him some lunch at an inexpensive place of his choosing, to soften the impact.

I once knew someone like that at a job I had when I lived in Minnesota, but he was such a complete, total freeper that I never bothered to break the news to him. :evilgrin:

[NJCher]

7. an interpersonal communications technique

1. Tell the person you need to talk with them. Find a mutually suitable time.

2. State the problem:

"John, when working around you, I detect an odor. It is unpleasant and it has an effect on the workplace and our customers. I was wondering if you are taking showers at night or in the morning."

3. Get feedback. Paraphrase, to be sure you understand correctly.

Example: "So if I understand you correctly, you haven't been taking showers before work because you're afraid you won't make it to work on time."

4. State what you have observed (tell how you perceive the problem and how it is affecting you).

In this section, you have to be very objective and stay away from inflammatory language that might hurt. I think you can do this because of the way you described the situation above, which is very factual:

I left the doors open on the work van to allow it to air out. I also fear that our customers will not call us back because his aroma stays in the room long after he leaves.

5. Come to a mutual agreement. What is ideal is if you can get him to name the solution. You might ask, "What do you see as the solution to this problem?"

6. Summarize:

"So in the future, you'll get up extra early to take care of the shower."

6. Show support:

"I knew we could come to an agreement. You've been a good employee in respect to (name a positive). I am happy we were able to work out a solution.


------------

The above technique is from an interpersonal communications course I used to teach in the workplace.

Good luck!


Cher

[WillParkinson]

8. Applause!

Nice!

[bruce21040]

10. This could work

Running number one answer as of right now.


Gee Cher, do you need a job in personal for a day or two?? LOL

[Rabrrrrrr]

11. You're the boss, so let him know that he has to shower and be clean

It can be done gently: "Bob, truth to tell, you have very strong body odor which has made work difficult. Since we work closely together and in customer's homes, you need to shower before coming to work tomorrow. If this is a problem, or if you have a medical issue, let me know now. You're a good worker, I like you, I care what others think of you, and I don't want to lose you."

Something like that.

[Bunny]

13. Say this:

"_____________________, I feel awkward bringing this up with you, but I need to discuss something that concerns both of us. I've noticed, since shortly after I hired you, that there seems to be an odor of some sort coming from you. Perhaps it's from not taking a shower as often as necessary, or maybe it's from clothes that need to be laundered more often. Either way, there is an definite odor. It's apparent even to our customers, a few of whom have commented on a lingering smell in the store.

Look, I appreciate all that you do. Since I hired you, I've been very satisfied with your performance. In fact, there are a couple of things you do very well (describe two things he does well - make sure you use honesty and sincere praise - people can spot a snow job and it pisses them off!). So you can see, we really need you here to help keep things on track.

But the continued success of our business depends on customers coming back. If they are put off by odors or any other factors, we may lose our customer base.

So, as difficult as this is for both of us, it's important that you understand that I need you to arrive for work each day, freshly showered and wearing clean clothing. If you can't do this, we may have to reconsider your employment with us. That's not something I like saying to you, but there it is.

I know you've had a tough time of things lately, but you're back on track now, so if you have any concerns as to how you can meet these requirements, please let me know. As I said, I'm impressed with your job performance, and I would love to have you stay here as part of our team. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help. "





The above sounds like typical human resource-speak, but if you tailor the words to your own communication style, you should be able to come up with something that sounds authentic to your style, while still getting the point across.

Rule of thumb - start out by stating the problem and possible consequences, alleviate the pain by offering sincere praise, then repeat the expected behavior. Offer help in solving the problem, assure them that you value their work, and thank them for their time.

Good luck - this is one of the toughest personnel issues to deal with.

[bain_sidhe]

14. Find out why

then help him find a way to deal with it in a way that suits both of you. Some people can't use deodorant because of allergies, skin conditions or the use of Anabuse (anti-alcoholic drug). Some people have extremely strong body odors due to metabolism or health problems. Don't just assume he's a slob, find out if he actually IS one, then proceed accordingly.

Here's a quickie article that covers some of the possible reasons and offers a few solutions. There are more detailed articles (google "body + odor + problem") but this one is a good overview and a quick read.

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/canadian_health/101483

[ashling]

15. When I first started practicing law

I had a "prospective" client come in who's mother worked at the chicken processing plant in our small town. He reaked so bad that I just talked to him by the front door so I could breathe. Turns out that his reasons for wanting a lawyer stunk more than he did. He was ticked off because they had hired a black (he used a different word) person and then didn't hire him.

I threw him out.

But I had to leave the door open and get a new fan to be able to use the office. It is no laughing matter.

I realize that your situation is sort of different. You might need to talk parents. Maybe they can help. If he smells that bad, then it is a real hygiene problem.

If he is that bad, then he needs to be confronted with this situation, particularly if it apt to hurt your business.

My dad was a medical doctor with an oil comapany bck in the 60s & 70s. When doing a physical on somebody he would sometimes give them a bar of soap and tell them that they needed to use it.