I've got some unresolved issues with the damn Smurfs

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

Okay, Smurfette (above) is the only adult female smurf.

And there's what, maybe three...four hundred thousand male Smurfs?

What's THAT tell you? All of these friggin' Smurfs show up at the front door of her Smurf shack with that sheepish look on their face..."Hi, Smurfette, I baked you a Smurfberry pie"...meanwhile, you look in the corner of her shack and there's what, maybe two...three hundred friggin' pies? All stacked up in the corner, the older ones starting to grow green fur. How many pies can one adult Smurf eat before she says "let's back off on the pies for a month or two?"

What does that say about Smurfette if she'd give it up for a friggin' PIE? If that were a truism in the real world every male chauvinist assbite I know would be walkin' around with a friggin' Marie Callendars GOLD CARD. To hell with weekend getaways to bed and breakfasts and dinners in four star restaurants and jewelry and all the rest, just wrap up that coconut cream custard to go...STAT!

And she PLAYS them, too. EVERY one of those little bastards is just a pawn in a much, much bigger game. She KNOWS they're all a bunch of growth-stunted, hormone-addled, repressed-rage tree dwellers who want one thing, and one thing only. And she's GOT it. And what does she do? She keeps takin' those pies. I don't know what's worse, the PIES or the LIES.

And one more thing...if these little bastards are blue all over, can they actually GET "blue balls?" I mean, SOMETHING has to happen to them if they're standin' in a line THAT long.

I want answers, and I want them NOW. Screw the Rumsfeld business, this is IMPORTANT.

[tigereye]

1. I think you have too much time on your hands

I'm replying cuz I had a long week and am in the mood for amusement. I really don't want to totally analyze the sexual subtext of the Smurfs. I always thought they were scary. But then I grew up watching Johnny Quest and the Banana Splits, so. Enjoy your quest for knowledge. Many women might be glad to have some pie, though, that they didn't have to make. :)

ps don't get your thread locked, now.

[LostInAnomie]

2. I don't think Smurfs need a female to reproduce

Unless I am wrong Smurfette was created by Gargamel as a plot against the Smurfs (I think she used to have dark hair). But the Smurfs were so nice to her that she turned good (and her hair turned blond).

Since there were hundreds of Smurfs before she came along I am left with only one conclusion: Smurfs reproduce by butt banging.

[Loonman]

3. I think the Smurfs might be communists

Look how they run their village.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

5. Exactly! "Papa" Smurf and "Papa Doc" Duvalier...

...separated at birth?



One, the ruthless leader of Haiti. "Papa Doc was an expert in voodoo who ruled Haiti with brute force and terror, with his ruthless security force, the Tontons Macoutes, acting as real-life bogeymen who routinely executed his opponents." (Source: http://www.who2.com/francoisduvalier.html)

The other, an uncompromising octagenerian who ruled the Smurfs with an iron hand and an unquenchable thirst for power, riches, and fame.

YOU decide.

[Insider]

4. don't think

just smurf. be one with the smurf. we all have a little smurfette in us, right?

stop the hate.

[CatWoman]

6. this thread is hilarious

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

:D

[Angelus]

7. I've wondered that too...

one grown female smurf in a village of thousands of male smurfs. It's all too...homoerotic. They probably reproduce by virtue of spores or something. :shrug:

And another question that just bugs me so much:
If you were to choke a smurf, what color would it turn?

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

8. Well...through exhaustive additional research...I found THIS:

Baby Smurf...who was dropped off by a STORK. How convenient. To me, it's just more of the grassy knoll theory, was there a second gunman, could Oswald have acted alone, etc. My research reveals that Smurfett has emphatically rejected ALL requests for an interview on the subject. What does she have to hide?



And to make matters worse, a SECOND female showed up in the village. I guess her purpose was to take some of the burden off of Smurfette. This one was called "Sassette Smurf." I hear a cry for help here...am I alone in this? I'm getting a sort of Britney Spears vibe, mixed with a little Courtney Love, with a soupcon of Squeaky Fromme on top.



I tell you...there is no end to the LIES and deception.

[Angelus]

9. LOL

I know. The Smurfs should be banned from tv because of all their lies! I have been misled all these years...:cry: