The computer is your friend

[Khephra]

I should warn everybody reading this before I begin that I am unashamedly geeky. It's in the core of my bones, and it's not something I shy away from. Call me every name in the book -- and there's very few I haven't had hurled my way -- and it'll just come across as just another day in my book. Are we all clear?

I was quite elated to read the other day on another Web site (you know, that one with the open source advocacy position and strange karma system) that there's an updated version of Paranoia on the way. Paranoia, if you're not familiar with it (and chances are you're not) is a dark and humorous role-playing game (think Dungeons & Dragons) first published some 20 years ago that depicts a futuristic society run by an entirely insane computer with a paranoid fear of communism. Think of what would happen if you welded HAL's AI onto a Speak 'N' Spell that was somehow concurrently running Windows 3.11 and Windows ME, and then somehow managed to get the whole mess possessed by the spirit of Joe McCarthy, and you'll get a good idea of how insane the computer was. One of my favourite edicts direct from Paranoia would fit very nicely into a Windows error box:

"You are in error. No-one is screaming."

more...........

http://www.zdnet.com.au/reviews/hardware/desktops/print.htm?TYPE=story&AT=39116288-39023402t-10000007c

[Book Lover]

1. Wow wow wow!

Geek to geek, that is great news and totally made my day :-)

[Khephra]

2. snip.........

I Never Saw a Boot I Couldn't Lick...Or a bot sensor. Or a Computer terminal. Indeed, licking the metaphorical boots of the Computer is the primary survival skill. You know what the Computer wants to hear- that Its citizens are safe and happy, that treeason has been rooted out and destroyed, and that everyone is endlessly grateful to the Computer for Its bountiful generosity and compassionate concern.

Never tell anyone (or anything) something that he/she/it does not want to hear. If this compels you to misstate yourself, and you are caught creatively interpreting the facts, immediately and cheerfully acknowledge your "error" in memory, perception, or judgement, or blame it on some other source- preferably the perennial scapegoat favorite, Commie mutant traitors and saboteurs:

"Gosh, how could I have forgotten about that flybot we lost. It must have slipped my mind in my eagerness to report to you, sir."

"Yes, Friend Computer, it is certainly clear from the explicit photographs that you have shown me that it was indeed I who smashed the terminal with a hammer. Oh, woe is me! I have been made the unwitting dupe of some Commie spy with mutant mind control powers! You must let me go seek this Commie traitor without delay before he corrupts some other loyal citizen."

Always have a few nice speeches prepared in case you are forced to bootlick for your life on short notice. For example:

"Indeed I can see that the circumstantial evidence demands my execution. But, in your extensive experience and abundant wisdom, surely you have discovered that appearances are deceiving, especially when the masters of misrepresentation, Communist traitors, have fabricated a web of falsehood to indict innocent citizens, confounding the process of justice and causing loyal citizens to suffer tragically in spite of their unswerving devotion to The Computer. All I ask is an opportunity to clear my name, and to fight this insidious threat to the security of all citizens and to their benevolent protector, the Computer."

more..........

http://www.paranoia-rpg.com/players/tipsfortraitors.php

[starroute]

3. Paranoia versus Cthulhu?

I asked my son a couple of months ago how the Paranoia-verse would respond to an infestation of the outer tunnels by the beings of the Cthulhu mythos. He's played the game, and I haven't, so I was interested in his opinion.

He was inclined to think that its inhabitants would be completely impervious. Being already functionally insane, they would be in no danger of being driven beyond the edge of madness. They would be far more scared of not displaying the proper attitude towards the computer than of any eldritch horrors. And once they had cleaned things up, they would be determined to paper over the whole ugly incident and immediately forget it had ever happened.

Since he'd previously emphasized to me how even badass World of Darkness creatures are eager to leave town the moment they get a whiff of Cthulhu-ness, I was highly impressed. The Paranoia-verse must indeed have powerful moxie.

[Khephra]

4. One of the funniest moments of my gaming life happened in a Paranoia game

I had been revealed as a traitor within our group, so my clones decided to take everyone out with them. We all had these cyber-communicators...the problem with them being is that too much use could cause the implants to explode, blowing up the brain of the user.

So while all these people were trying to kill me, I just kept on using the communicator as much as possible. It started killing random people. I went through three clones before they finally stopped me, but I had taken out about half of theirs just by talking to them in character.

Happy game thoughts.

:-)