ever fall for your best friend?

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

god, does it suck!

I have no idea what to do now


-- thanks, though

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

1. on one hand

there's the chance of an awesome relationship

on the other, it's a complete disaster and an end to a 2 year friendship

[Maple]

2. Same or different sex?

What would happen if you told them.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

3. different

and i have no idea on the 2nd. that's the dilemma

forgive me for spewing my soap opera. it's late and i'm in a rotton mood

[Maple]

6. Well if it's a different sex

I don't foresee a problem.

Casually ask the friend 'did you ever wonder what it would be like if we fell for each other'...or something to that effect.

Sound it out, without spelling it out.

Hey...rotten moods happen. It's okay.

[Ein]

4. BEST friend = not worth it, most likely

If he/she isnt hinting at romance, then you risk a very important thing. Im only 19, but have dated several 'best friends', and it is usually not worth it.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

5. you could be right

it's only a friendship of half a year, but a VERY close one
as for hints, this is the problem with two introverts hanging out. You never have an idea what the other thinks on these matters.

[SOteric]

7. Fall for my best friend?

Yes. Repeatedly.

Over and over again. And it proved the deepest love of my life.

[BritishHuman]

31. You're a very lucky woman, then

And he's the luckiest man in the world.

[deek]

8. go for it

if your partner for life can not be your best friend, what's the point???

[JVS]

9. Look at it this way.

You've already fallen, so to do nothing would tarnish the friendship for you while keeping your friend in the dark. It is noble to want to spare the friend distress, but if you do that your side of the friendship will not be as true as theirs. Thus you are deceiving your best friend, which is not what best friends do. You have to just move forward because the change has already happened. There is no return.

typo

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

11. that's EXACTLY how i've been looking at it

i feel i need to be honest, but don't want to hurt her

i think i have to do something tomorrow
thanks

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

10. thanks for indulging me

i don't normally post this kind of shit, but i'm a bit frustrated as of now.

thanks for the advice. i'm think i'm leaning towards just telling her tomorrow

[Ein]

13. its cool man

i just posted a whiney thread on dental work, lol. I see the other people's points. My current and longstanding girl wasnt my best friend, but is now my best friend. There is no use in a SO if they arent a good friend, just evaluate how you two would work out intimately.

[WindRavenX]

12. Been there...

I was in love with my best friend for 6 years.
Then he told me he was gay.
Ouch.......Didn't see that comming.
Personally, I think friends can be lovers. But if you breakup, it's going to be really weird.
My advice is to talk to your friend and ask if you can still be friends no matter what happens to you during a relationship. If they say no, then maybe you ought to consider just being friends.
Hope that helps.
on edit: I can't spell tonight x(

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

14. thanks

"ask if you can still be friends no matter what happens to you during a relationship"

definitely planning on doing something to that effect

[SoCalDem]

15. Once you "cross that line", you cannot go back

like you cannot "un-ring" a bell..

It's like the old Let's Make a Deal show.. You risk what you have already "won" (a friend) , but you really want to know what's behind "Door # 2"...it could be a {{{{{BRAND NEW CAR}}}}}}.....or ...it might be a broken down old donkey chewing at some hay ..:shrug:

You will know what to do.. If you have feelings for her, chances are SHE does too..(unless she pours out her heart about other guys to you)..

Just know that if you do take it to the next level, you cannot go back to "before"... It may still be possible to remain friends, but there would always be that "former closeness" that would be there..and usually it's ONE person that wants out.. The mutual agreement to call it off is a LIE.. Someone always gets lift behind , wishing that they were still a couple...and mistaking a casual touch for more than it was..

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

16. ok having 2nd thoughts now

argh!

maybe i'll just flip a coin

[bowler_4_columbine]

19. Go for it!

You can always get another friend...

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

21. unfortunately

i could never find one quite like her

---btw, didn't i say i was logging off a half hour ago? as you can tell, i'm dwelling on this

[WindRavenX]

20. Right, it won't ever be the same...BUT...

..if they're really close friends, then any weirdness can be worked out in time. Heck, after I told my friend I had feelings for him and he told me he was gay, things were weird, very weird, for a few days afterwards. But a week later, you know what?
We were laughing about it and still were having fun like old times. :)
So if the friendship is really strong, then again, I say that things can be worked out no matter what.

[AlienGirl]

17. Yes, a few times

In all cases it has SUCKED. Big time. Not once has one of them had the slightest attraction towards me at all--I suppose if they had, they'd have made the first move.

This has happened with both same-sex and different-sex friends. In both cases I'd been put in the "friend" category rather than the "attractive interesting person" category.

I swear, I will never, NEVER let myself want romance with another human being again. Apparently I'm just no good at it--I am too deeply unattractive and socially nonadept for love. If I ever do make the insane mistake of letting myself want someone to love me back, I'll sure as hell not let them know about it.

Tucker

[SoCalDem]

18. Try something totally different from what you normally do

like.... Hey it's summer... put swimsuits on and go rent some of those big tricycle-looking water thingies.. act silly, maybe have a few libations to loosen you two up..

or maybe try flying kites.. Things that take you out into a casual venue, but allow for some "contact"..

You should NOT ambush her with your feeling all pouring out at once.. Let it build...

If you keep it light and friendly, things will automatically progress...but if you just sit on the couch saying "whattayouwannado??"..."IdunnowhattaYOUwannado"....nothing will happen..

[bearfartinthewoods]

27. bingo...no ambushing

[bowler_4_columbine]

22. Friends are over-rated

I have a best friend, I call her my wife.
Lifes too short, tell her how you feel! Soon!

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

23. ok, leaving for real this time

thanks again everyone. i'll take it all into consideration.

[Rhiannon12866]

24. There has got to be some way of broaching the subject without

baring your soul. You could ask her if she's ever thought of you that way and if she has a negative reaction you can retreat and think out stage two. I'd just put out tentative vibes and give her a chance to think about it. There's no sense laying it all out if you are afraid of getting hurt and ruining the friendship. I'd take it in baby steps. You need to know where you stand, first and foremost. Good luck! I think she is the lucky one.:-)

[Regice]

25. Yes...

..and I never told her. Just suck it up and keep it to yourself.

Life is about pain, or so I keep telling myself.

[Rhiannon12866]

26. Oh, please!

There must be hope for you. If you feel this strongly, you must speak out, as he's planning to. I advised him to not come on too strongly, but there are many ways of getting your feelings across without being overwhelming. I would be touched, however I thought I felt, to learn that someone cared for me. Don't sell yourself short and please remember that it's never too late.:-)

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

28. yes

it sucks. absolutely nothing you can do about it, :(

[TNDemo]

29. I married mine 25 years ago.

We had been best friends for several years and a lot of people did not know we were dating until we were engaged. It was kinda like kissing my brother the first time. However, best decision I ever made. And if you have a great friendship it is a great basis for a marriage. The big sparks never last for anyone - nature never meant them to - it's just supposed to get you together in the first place.

[ProfessorGAC]

30. My Wife IS My Best Friend

That's probably why we've been married for 23 years.
The Professor

[Mountainman]

32. All lovers start out as friends

There was a corny movie in the 70's called "Friends". Elton John did the music. His song "Friends" says, "It's funny how young lovers start as friends."

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

33. thanks again for the continuing advice

unfortunately, my infamous bad luck curse kicked in today. i went and bought her a gift this morning and went to meet her when she got off work, as I always do.

Just as I was about to ask her to go out tonight, her cell rang and it was some guy she met at the coffee house last night--who asked her out tonight.

i waited too long.

I a actually felt my heart rip in half at that instant.

you know, life can really suck sometimes.

[GOPisEvil]

34. Oh, man...that reeks!

Timing is everything, as they say...

Believe me, I know all about talking myself into things, only to have waited too long. You'll get through it. But, you never quite stop kicking yourself over some things.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

36. only in my life

i started to say something anyway, but i think i would have just looked like an asshole

...so i think it's a nice long road trip tonight to get my mind off things

[GOPisEvil]

37. Hey...maybe this guy will turn out to be a dud...

Then you've got another chance.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

38. I'm hoping that

it's really all i have left. but with my luck, probably not.

maybe i should have said something anyway. this is just someone she's met for 5 minutes

i dunno.

but maybe, things will work out. on a brighter note, one of our friends even me a hint that there was more to her feelings. which was strange, as i've told no one--except for here, where i'm safely anonymous

[GOPisEvil]

40. Your luck is what you make it.

If you get another chance, go for it!

[supernova]

35. So try again

say an outing a few days from now. Don't just spring it on her. And yes, keep it light. Offer to go do something maybe .5 higher on the excitment scale than you usually do together. Or something cultural where you could talk.

I would be very flattered and curious if a good friend had feelings for me. :D

Good Luck!

[geniph]

42. just because she's going on one date

with the guy doesn't mean you're out of the picture, unless he's going to bring a chastity belt with him on the date. I mean, geez, she hasn't gotten engaged to the fellow, she only just met him. Ask her out yourself. Contrary to some folks' opinions, there is nothing wrong in dating more than one person, provided you don't date them on precisely the same night at precisely the same time (that gets kind of confusing).

[Rhiannon12866]

47. I am so sorry

If it's someone she's just met, make your move and preempt him. You have to do it, but I know where you're coming from. You procrastinate because it has to be completely thought out and exactly right. Follow your feelings and do it now, please.

[Adenoid_Hynkel]

39. but enough with my self-pity for now

i'm off to run errands now.

as always,
thanks

[geniph]

41. Married him, actually

but then, I never had any problem having sexual relationships with my friends...in fact, I always had problems if I had sex with people OTHER than my friends.

[ronnykmarshall]

43. Had a crush on him.

But I never acted on it or told him. Good thing because it would have screwed up our friend ship.

But I would have settled for a one nighter.

[SPICYHOT]

44. I say go for it!

your best friend became your lover???mmmm what a good idea.
Looks perfect to me.

[ForrestGump]

45. Not my all-time BEST friend

who's male, but - yep - for very good female friends. Kept it to myself. Maybe I shouldn't have. Who knows. So I have no idea what you should do now, either.......

[Lindacooks]

46. Yup!

Married him - 22 years ago and going strong.