"JESUS Is Coming...... Are YOU ready?"

[matcom]

bumpersticker i saw in the store parking lot this afternoon.

got me thinking. i wasn't ready.

soooooo, i stopped by the liquor store and got an extra bottle of scotch, and then stopped at a "friends" and made sure i have enough :smoke: to get me through the evening.

hit the grocery store and bought an extra filet (cause if he comes during dinner, he might be hungry)

am i missing anything?

i mean i DEFFINATELY want to be ready when JESUS comes.

so, help me out people.

CAN YOU PLEASE MAKE ME A LIST SO I REALLY AM READY?

thanks.

[arwalden]

1. I Didn't Even Know He Was Excited...

... and he's coming already?

Quickdraw McGraw.

-- Allen

[BigMcLargehuge]

4. LOLOLOLOL!!!

More coffee out the nose... I better start drinking iced tea before I scald my face off.

[proud patriot]

2. Wine goes well wish filet

:hi:

[catzies]

3. Don't buy the wine; let him make his own!

:P

[matcom]

5. GREAT IDEA!!

my tap has a filter too! :P

[LynneSin]

6. You wasted money at the liquor store

All you need is some water and Jesus will help you out there.

Then again it may just be wine, but if you're nice maybe he'll upgrade you to fine scotch!

[SOteric]

7. Don't bother with the extra filet or the wine

Just give him one filet and a loaf, and he'll feed your entire neighbourhood.

And he can not only make your tapwater drinkable, - he can turn it into wine.

You might look into a little Frankincense & Myrrh and a footbath.

[matcom]

8. Jesus is gonna give ME a Footbath?

cool

[LynneSin]

11. Yeah, he's heard about your feet

Which is the main reason he's coming back to earth.

[arwalden]

9. Jesus, Jesus...

bo Besus
Bonana fanna fo Fesus
Fee fy mo Mesus,
Jesus!

[Uzybone]

10. Did you get chips?

Because Im sure if he comes and you are :smoke: he might want a widdle widdle sumthin to munch on, a fillet is nice but nothing beats chips.

[Boudicea]

12. No telling how many folks you've pissed off now, MATCOM!

[matcom]

16. that's my mission

its a mission from "GAWD" :D

[SoCalDem]

13. Hey..If he's OK with paying rent, I have a spare room

:)He has to like cats, though, or it's a deal breaker :)

[MiltonLeBerle]

14. Well, I do have a box of tissues on the nightstand...

(just in case things get a little messy...)

[sangh0]

15. Pssst - Hide the porno

.

[myomy]

17. Jesus is coming..and boy is he gonna be pissed.

.

[radwriter0555]

18. Hey so long as he don't bring 12 of his closest friends, we know how THEY

get when they've been partying....

They're ANIMALS.

[Rick Myers]

19. Which reminds me...

A guy is driving down the freeway alone in the diamond lane. A cop pulls him over and wants to cite him for driving in the diamond lane with no one else in the car.

The guy says, "But officer, God is my co-pilot..."

The cop looks at the passenger seat. "Oh, sorry," the cop says, "But God's not wearing his seatbelt."

ba-dum-dum!!!

Thank you... I'll be in the Lounge all week... Don't forget to tip your waitress...

[GoddessOfGuinness]

20. Don't forget the flowers and chocolates...

Jesus might be a woman this time around.

[TEXASYANKEE]

21. He's in here somewhere.

Jesus Christ started a "I'm the son of God, ask me anything" post a couple of days ago. You could have asked him his dining preferences at that time. The weed is a good gesture, for sure.

[thermodynamic]

22. Well, if he's coming you'll either want (R-rated)

a condom or a fertility monitor, depending on what you want out of him...

[DS1]

23. should I buy a raincoat?

/obvious porn reference

[matcom]

25. yes. and wear it

on the HOOD on NSMA's CAR!! :P

[kixot]

24. He's coming? Good.

Now he can tell us where the hell he's been all this time and why he hasn't called or written! You're going to try to tell me that in all of Heaven and Earth he couldn't get to a phone once in two thousand years?!??!!!

What a deadbeat deity!

(Ok, now I have something to confess to my priest about, lol.)

[matcom]

26. "kids" these days

they NEVER call or write x(