HUMOR - GOP Convention Schedule

[CO Liberal]

I don't know if anyone else has posted this, but my wife just sent it to me - enjoy!! - Wayne

* * * * *

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE -
CONVENTION SCHEDULE - New York, NY

6:00 PM - Opening Prayer by the Reverend Jerry Falwell
6:30 PM - Pledge of Homeland Security Allegiance
6:35 PM - Ceremonial Burning of Bill of Rights
6:45 PM - Bill O' Reilly Weeps over a Plaster Model of the Twin Towers
6:46 PM - Seminar #1: Getting your kid a military deferment
7:30 PM - Foreign Policy Discussion: Iraq--How Dare They Shoot Back at Us
7:35 PM - Freedom Fries
7:40 PM - EPA Address #1: 'Depleted Uranium-It's What's For Dinner'.
8:00 PM - Vote on which country to invade next
8:10 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh
8:15 PM - John Ashcroft Lecture: "The Homos are after your children"
8:30 PM - Singalong: God Bless Wal-Mart
8:50 PM - Seminar #2: Multinational Corporations: Government of the Future
9:00 PM - Condi Rice sings "Can't Help Lovin' that Man o' Mine"
9:05 PM - Neal Boortz Declares Ariel Sharon "The Ultimate Libertarian"
9:10 PM - EPA Address #2: 'Trees: The real cause of forest fires'
9:30 PM - Break for secret meeting with Henry Kissinger
10:00 PM - Second prayer led by Pat Robertson and Sean Hannity
10:15 PM - Lecture by Karl Rove: Orwellian Doublespeak Made Easy
10:30 PM - Rumsfeld demonstration of how to squint and talk macho
10:35 PM - Bush demonstration of trademark "deer in headlights" stare
10:40 PM - John Ashcroft demonstrates new mandatory kevlar chastity belt
10:45 PM - Clarence Thomas reads list of black Republicans
10:46 PM - Analysis: How Saddam Made our Gasoline Prices Go Up
10:50 PM - Ceremonial Constitution Toilet Wipe
11:20 PM - Second Lecture by John Ashcroft: "Harry Potter: The Dangerous New Cult"
11:25 PM - Natalie Maines Piñata Bash
11:30 PM - Call EMTs to revive Rush Limbaugh again
11:35 PM - Singalong: Blame Clinton
11:40 PM - Laura serves milk and cookies
11:50 PM - Closing Prayer by Jesus Christ Himself (played by Michael Savage)
12:00AM - Nomination of George W. Bush as Most Holy Supreme Planetary Overlord

:kick:

[Lavender Brown]

1. I like: Singalong: Blame Clinton

You could start a whole thread of possible "Blame Clinton" songs.

[CO Liberal]

5. My Wife Said Her Favorite Was Condi Rice.....

...singing "Can't Help Loving That Man Of Mine".

:-)

[RobertSeattle]

2. I enjoy watching this morph over time

I think the O'Reilly and deferment ones are new, among others.

[CO Liberal]

4. My Favorite...

...is where it takes Clarence Thomas one minute to read the list of black Republicans.

:-)

[bearfan454]

3. Priceless.

[CO Liberal]

6. Thanks

:-)