drug test questions

[sniffa]

i just received a frantic phone caLL from a friend - he just got a new job but they want him to go pee pee in a cup now. he was abLe to buy enough time tiLL tomorrow. he has too much THC in his system to get it out by tomorrow, so i gave him 3 suggestions (weLL 4 - the 4th being don't take the job):

1. go to a head shop and ask for the newest 'maskers'

2. eat Like a pig (Lots of fatty foods; no water, juice etc) and remain sLug Like untiL the moment of truth. this is a Last ditch effort - hopefuLLy the new fat covers the THC-soaked 'oLd' fat.

3. a 'famiLy recipe' for the pop quiz. buy 'fruit pectin' (what's used in preserves) and gatorade. mix it up for a disgusting concoction. drink it. when you go pee, pee the initiaL amount into the toiLet (too many preservatives and coLor) and the rest into the cup.


that being said.. does anyone have any other suggestions?

i suggested that he not take it at aLL, and just turn the job down, because i'm not sure how 'faiLed tests' foLLow you through Life (does it go on your permanent record?). if you faiL a test once (or however many times), does that foLLow you to future jobs?


any advice, comments, etc wouLd be greatLy appreciated.

[molly]

1. A lot of places are now doing the "hair" test

and you cannot fool it. Most places of employment now do drug tests BTW. I would suggest he not take it or postpone it.

[Bronco69]

2. As I understand it

the test is not so much making you sure you don't have ANY THC in your system, it's so you don't exceed a certain amount. I would advise him to keep drinking juices all day and pee as often as he can.

[sniffa]

5. i wouLd too normaLLy

but he has Less than a day to take it. he's a reguLar toker, so there's no getting it out of his system in time. that's why i advised the binge eating route as opposed to drinking Liquids.

i hafta take a test too whenever our contract is renewed. :(

[ceile]

3. Have someone pee for him

I read this in an article somewhere.
Put the urine in a condom and tape it to your leg. It keeps it warm that way and I haven't heard of any drug testing labs that do pat downs.

[sniffa]

7. that wouLd work

one just has to make sure, the peer (or is it peeer?) pees in cLose proximity to test time. they test for coLor, and temp. too.

funny story - 2 peopLe here faiLed their pee tests. 1 faiLed outright.
the other tried the condom trick (and was even smoking pot on the way to the Lab). his probLem was he fiLLed the jim hat the night before with urine. anyhow, he was fiLLed in that he wouLd faiL because of the temp. so he went into the bathroom and and heLd a Lighter to the condom to heat it up. the condom broke and he faiLed.

idiot.

[Dark]

4. Here you go, a link to a useful article:

http://www.marijuana.com/content.php3

[LynneSin]

6. many places will retest if there is too much water in the urine

They do that at our place of business. Folks will drink large quantities of water in hopes to dilute whatever they might be hiding. The drugtesters will make you retest if it's too much water and not enough pee.

Best bet - if someone who enjoys pot and knows they are looking for a job, they should quit using for about a month before they go job hunting. All the stoners in college did that right before graduation and as soon as they got the drug test back, they started toking again.

It's a crazy double standard, but just remember that the drug testers are aware of all the tests out there and the various masks

[Richardo]

10. Bingo, LynneSin...give it up 'til you pass the test.

:dunce:

It can't be that big a surprise that a drug test is part of the hiring process in most companies. :eyes:

[sniffa]

12. on the other hand

my fieLd doesn't do drug testing (engineers). the onLy time we run across it, is when we do work on/for federaL or state projects.

he's an engineer as weLL (mechanicaL) so i didn't think it wouLd be much different for him.. but then again, i don't know where he appLied.

but yeah, whenever my contracts come to a cLose i pLay it smart. wicked smaht.

[LynneSin]

17. you're an engineer???

I would have never thought that

[sniffa]

18. weLL, that was my major

CEE - civiL & environmentaL engineering. but technicaLLy, i'm currentLy empLoyed as a "cadd technician". Less pay, but great job security - i'm here untiL the project ends (or i Leave).

what job did you picture me having? i stiLL wanna be a famous white rapper.

[LynneSin]

24. drug dealer?

no, just kidding

wow, a smart and goodlooking man, I'm slightly aroused??

no, just kidding again!

[sniffa]

26. Liar

i know you're aLL hot and bothered by me. :P

[LynneSin]

28. what if I was?

you have a girlfriend, I met her, she's nice

[sniffa]

29. nice?

oh yeah, i drugged her before dragging her out. :P

[BOHICA06]

8. When your drug use renders you unemployable ...

give him suggestion Number 5 - Quit toking and get some help if you can't.

I know that's a bit harsh for weed - but there is the cost/benefit equation to consider.

[sniffa]

9. that's a broad stroke

'unempLoyabLe'

for this job, yeah. for working at bLockbusters, yeah. for working at home depot, yeah.

i think i'LL give him option number 6 - accept christ as his Lord and savior. i'm sure as a musLim, he won't be offended.

[BOHICA06]

15. Depends on how good a friend ....

Naaawww just stick to #5 - but deliver it in your best "Red Foreman" impression. It shows the love!

[cheezus]

11. clean pee in a condom taped in his underpants

it'll get warm in the pants, prick the tip and "pee" in the cup.

I wish the economy was such that your friend could find a job which did not force him to surrender the greatest privacy - his own body

[gulfcoastliberal]

13. Best Options: Substitute or Synthetic

I have a lot of experience with this problem. Easiest thing to do is always have a bottle of synthetic urine. You can find it online by googling that term. You can usually get it fedexed for this kind of emergency.

But if not enough time, he needs a donor. A pee donor. Someone who is clean. He needs a 4oz bottle, the sample shampoo kind is perfect. Just make sure to clean it out throroughly so nothing is left in it. Then add the donated pee and refrigerate it if overnight. Next day, microwave it for 10 second bursts until hot to touch - but not too hot! He needs to wear two (2) pairs of snug tighty-whities undies or boxer briefs. This will insure good insulation and secure holding. Then he puts the bottle of pee under his scrotum, between ass and balls. That keeps it at body temp until time to pee.

Hope this helps.

[sniffa]

14. thank you

now the tricky part: finding a donor. :P

[frylock]

19. have any smoke shops nearby?

They may have some syn-urine there for purchase. The thing with using someone else's sample is that it must be body temperature, as they have a heat strip on the side of the cup. If the temp is too low, they will fail the sample. is expensive, but a worthy investment. I've used it twice now, both times successfully.

[sniffa]

20. i know there are

ways to beat it, and in a timeLy manner... i've just never gone that route myseLf, so i Like to ask for more hearsay. some of my coworkers swear by 'urine Luck'. my brother-in-Law owns 'the wizzinator' which is apparentLy a knock-off of the urinator.

i'm coLLecting aLL this info to give him when i stop by after work. he can make his own fatefuL choice.

thank you aLL who've responded. :D

[frylock]

22. the wizzinator is the one with the uhhhh errrrrr phallus..

in case you have to go in front of a 'Meat Gazer'. I wish it had been out when I bought the Urinator. I've applied for some jobs that require a clearance, and I don't know if they post an observer or not.

[truthspeaker]

16. test results should be private and not "follow" him

When he takes the test he will probably be asked to sign something that details who can see the results and how long they are kept. Law enforcement can see them but they need a court order.

A friend of mine on probation swears by fruit pectin. Never had to take a drug test myself so I have no idea. There is at least one company that sells real human urine and will Fed-Ex it to you overnight for an additional fee. Here's their website: http://www.privacypro.com/

[Dogmudgeon]

21. Ibuprofen! Ibuprofen! Ibuprofen!

Ibuprofen, fenprofen, ketoprofen and the other -profen drugs regularly confound all drug tests except a full spectrographic essay -- and they ain't cheap.

Tell your pal to pop a few (on a full stomach!) and if the test comes back positive, have him act cool about it and say, "it always comes back positive -- it's all that Advil I pop for my cluster headaches."

MOST of the time, it will end the inquisition right there.

There's nothing for certain in this life, unfortunately, but that trick has given good results for most of the jokers, smokers, and midnight tokers with whom I've been acquainted.

--bkl
The Pompatus of DU

[frylock]

23. a great resource on drug testing is the book 'ur-ine trouble'..

It explains how inaccurate these methods of testing are. Even if you don't smoke, because lets face it, pre-employment drug screens are discriminatory toward weed-heads because it remains in your system for such a long period, it's an informative read.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0965746747/103-4757510-0255834?v=glance

[Merrick]

25. cranberry juice in large amounts

cranberry juice is an excellent kidney expunger. I knew a guy who smoked everyday and when he got a drug offer that required a drug test two days later, he drank a gallon or two of the stuff in the interim and passed. of course if he only has less than a day I dont know if I'd count on this technique on its own, but it should help.

[Lindsey]

27. GNC Health food stores

have a special drink. It's a little pricey but supposedly it works.

[TroubleMan]

30. No matter what method you try, don't use your first piss of the morning

It has the most contaminates in it.

[Raster]

31. for future reference...

www.passyourdrugtest.com