Worst song lyrics (non-novelty songs, please)

[Bossy Monkey]

I don't want to hear about Surfin' Bird. Even Achy Breaky Heart and Muskrat Love seem kind of borderline, but I'll listen to arguments. Don't sweat the lack of an Other option; it'll be there in 55 minutes, when I'll add whatever nightmare tunes from among the replies receives the most vociferous, uh, support, though that may not be the right word.

Googling "worst lyrics ever" demonstrated to me that the kids today are keeping up the grand tradition of really, really bad lyrics, but I figured these moldy oldies had stood the test of time, so to speak

Edit: Added Ruby Red Dress & Take the Money and Run in response to nominations from the floor, as well as Other.

[Beaverhausen]

1. I've Never Been to Me

I just hate that song.

Dave Barry did a really funny book of bad song lyrics.

[Bossy Monkey]

18. Hate it too, and I'll regret not putting it on the poll

but the singing is so bad, and the spoken part towards the end, that it's almost a novelty record now (especially with the boost from Priscilla, Queen of the Desert). Certainly a worthy, if that's the word, contender.

[Wickerman]

2. uh, pretty much anything by foghat

gets my vote.

[Richardo]

3. Respectfully request that you add "In The Year 2525" to the list...

God is that a bad song...

[tigereye]

15. it is bad

but I always liked it anyway. There aren't many sci-fi songs. Well, the purple people eater. That is pretty strange.

[Bossy Monkey]

21. Mostly just repetitive isn't it?

Maybe I was too young, but it seemed like they were trying to set up a dramatic ending, and mostly succeeded. Seems to me that it was more the overblown music that was the problem with that song. Anyway, I considered it even before you respectively submitted it and it just didn't seem sucky enough against this level of competition.

[Richardo]

22. I do admit that you have a very high level of 'sucky' there...

...2525 is just a hot button of mine.

[amber dog democrat]

4. Mee 'N You 'N a dog named Boo

are up there with Gypsies Tramps and Thieves..

[tigereye]

16. I like Me and You, too

well, when I was younger. Boy, I have no taste. :)

[Bossy Monkey]

23. Not on my poll, buddy, but there's an Other slot now n/t

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

5. Toby Keith's How Do You Like Me Now?

Someone should write an answer song...

'er, I thought you were dopey and pathetic in High School and just because you're on the radio... well, that hasn't changed my mind'.

[Mike Niendorff]

32. lol .. that's a great idea :)

<tap,tap,tap>
<*ahem*>
<is this thing on?>

...

Turned on the radio night before last
Heard a familiar voice from the depths of my past
Some things you can't escape, I guess
Though I changed my name and changed my address
I had the cops go check the files
The restraining order's still good, they smiled
So ask me how I like you today,
Well, radio-boy, let me count the ways :

I like you distant, I like you in jail
I like you heading out on a rail
The way they send back all your mail
The phone calls blocked, the faxes failed

And when they play you on K-HICK 1410
I just turn it off, and forget you again.

:evilgrin:


MDN

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

33. LOL! Toooo cool for school!

Hmmm... send it to Natalie Maines?

[Lavender Brown]

6. Oh the humanity

Those are all bad, but "She's Like the Wind" by Patrick Swayze is also pretty stupid.

[Canuckistanian]

7. Good parody potential there

Hello, Weird Al?

[Bossy Monkey]

24. I could never get past the over-emotive singing to notice the lyrics

I think I'll take your word for it, though.

[geniph]

8. Timothy

Anybody else remember the cannibal song?

[Bossy Monkey]

30. Written by the ever-sucking Rupert Holmes by the way

Timothy was a mule, so it was just ostensibly a cannibal song.

[Harrumph]

9. "Leave Me Alone"

Sung by Helen Reddy.

"Leave me alone, wontcha leave me alone, please leave me alone, oh leave me alone"

Jaysus...leave the bitch alone!

:smoke:

[fudge stripe cookays]

11. It's actually called "Ruby Red Dress."

Don't ask me why I know that, because I'll never admit it. ;-)

[Harrumph]

14. Thanks, your right....

but what's worse is....I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD, NOW!!

:smoke:

[Elidor]

29. So YOU'RE THE ONE who bought that album!

Be ashamed. :D

[cestmoi]

12. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Thanx for the laugh.

[Spinzonner]

10. All bow down to the god of song lyrics

[Richardo]

13. You MUST be talking about Steve Miller

'Abracabra' rhymes with 'reach out and grab 'ya'
'Texas' rhymes with 'facts is'

:eyes:

[Servo300]

17. "Hello, I Love You, Won't You Tell Me Your Name"

I've always thought that was incredibly stupid.

[AlCzervik]

19. dupe....oops

[AlCzervik]

20. Mr. Roboto

worst song ever


Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Mata ah-oo hima de
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Himitsu wo shiri tai

[salvorhardin]

25. Hey! Don't go bad mouthing Styx!

Just kidding. That whole album was pretty awful, and I'm a big fan of Styx! :-)

OTOH, it's what got me into Styx. You should check out the albums they released back on the Wooden Nickle label. Whole different band.

[AlCzervik]

27. I'm old and i have seen them live

i didn't they say sucked i said that song did. Did you know that Mr. Roboto was actually the breaking point for them? Dennis loved it and Tommy hated it and was embarrassed to perform it?

[Bossy Monkey]

26. My own choice would be The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia

which I thought I was putting on the poll, but somehow missed on some cut-and-paste operation or another. (You don't think I type all this shit do you?) If you've successfully blocked the thing out of your memory (understandably), I triple-dirty-dare you to go look up the lyrics. "That's the night that they hung an innocent man" is the least of the problems this little love presents.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

28. Any song by Dianne Warren...what self indulgent whiny shit!

[Bossy Monkey]

34. You're going to make me look it up, aren't you? Is she the one responsible

for Celine Dion's uh, magnificent output?

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

35. Trisha Yearwood & LeAnne Rhimes 'dueling' songs...

... were by her.

As well as the new intro song to Star Trek: Enterprise.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

36. Yes..such deep deep moving tributes to codependency such as

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Don't Turn Around (although I DO like the reggae version of that one)

just sappy, crappy shit...

[fudge stripe cookays]

41. I think she's the one who wrote

"the Greatest Love of All."

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[Bossy Monkey]

43. No, Michael Masser & Linda Creed

Don't ask me how I know this.

I'd suspect that it predates her career by at least a decade. Was the theme to the Muhammad Ali biopic The Greatest in the 70s long before Whitney murdered it.

[fudge stripe cookays]

44. That's her. Linda Creed.

She died a couple years ago, didn't she?

Thankfully this means we don't hear any more of her dreck.

Thanks!

[Bossy Monkey]

45. She wrote a lot of good ones, died of breast cancer in '86

Details of both here: http://www.soulwalking.co.uk/Linda%20Creed.html

[Elidor]

31. Radioactive

And almost any other lyric by Paul Rogers.

D'yer Mak'er is right up there, too.

[Bossy Monkey]

37. Can't believe Wildfire is still shut out.

C'mon people: The horse! busted down! and stalled! Are you kidding me?!

[dolo amber]

62. I got yer back on "Wildfire"

I remember when that came out, my best friend Cindi used to just BAWL when it came on the radio (we were like...8 or so at the time). I thought "Man! What a shit song! I can't believe she's CRYING over this!", but of course I didn't say anything. I'll never get over the feeling of disgust I had...I recognized dreck at a tender age, I tells ya..;)

[belladonna]

38. Mr Roboto

Sorry, dumbest and most annoying song lyrics EVER

[belladonna]

39. Does anyone remember this song?

Rocky, by Austin Roberts (I THINK)

"Rocky, I've never had to die before, don't know if I can do it.... "

"I said baby, oh sweet baby.. it's love that sets us free... "



I hereby change my vote from Mr Roboto to Rocky :D

[fudge stripe cookays]

42. I have that too....

On one of my 1970s "Have a Nice Day" compilations.

Am I a 70s fanatic or what? ;-)

[NNadir]

40. I am woman, hear me roar!

[Bossy Monkey]

51. Anthems are supposed to have simple lyrics. The problem with this song

is that it was written by her husband. And the overblown production. And her singing. The lyrics are the least of its problems.

[jmowreader]

46. Darryl Worley--Have You Forgotten

Jingoistic piece of shit.

[EstimatedProphet]

47. Cher is conspicuously absent from this list

Remember "Bang Bang"?
I rest my case.

[Bertha Venation]

48. Who's Odia Coates? I tho't woman's voice was Paul Anka's bad falsetto.

:shrug:

[Bossy Monkey]

50. They had several hits together; only one reason among many that made

1975 a blighted year. I Don`t Like To Sleep Alone, One Man Woman / One Woman Man, one I mercifully don't remember called (I Believe) There`s Nothing Stronger Than Our Love, and one from the disco charts called Make It Up To Me In Love. Incredibly, there is no odiacoates.com; you know you're really washed up when nobody even makes a fan site for you.

Personally I always confused her with Odie Cologne; Odious Notes is another alternate name that sort of leaps to mind.

[PittPoliSci]

49. when these types of polls come up...

i always, without hesitation, vote for McArthur's Park.

[AntiCoup2K4]

52. The new Van Hagar single "It's About Time"

Makes Sammy's 80's cheese ballads look like works of art by comparison... :puke:

Turn! (turn! turn! turn! turn!)

Last Time, Wrong time
Outside, Out of line!
But this time's our time
Right On! We'll let it shine! (Get Up!)

Turn your clock back
Paint it red on black
Bring it all right back
Oh hell yeah!
Come on!
Alright!
Hey hey hey!

You can spend my money
Don't you waste my time (my time, my time)
Well right now makin up for lost time, yeah!
Alright! Alright!
I think it's high time we lay it out there on the line
Now it's about time
It's about time
It's about time
Yeah!

Bright lights, Old Fights
This time we got it right! (yeah)
It's been a long time, overtime
Second flash, you're out of sight (yeah, so get up!)

Turn your clock back
Paint it red on black
Get it all right back
Oh Hell yeah yeah!
Come on!

It's alright!
Hey hey hey!
You can spend my money
Don't you waste my time (my time, my time)
Well right now makin it up to you big time!
Big, big, big, big time!
It's about time we lay it out there on the line
It's about time!
It's about time!
It's a just about time
Just about time yeah!

Re-Turn! (re-turn re-turn)...
Turn! (turn turn)...

(GUITAR SOLO!)

It's alright!
Spend my money
Don't you waste my time (my time, my time)
Well we're gonna make it up to you big time!
Big, time! big time!
Cause it's about time we lay it out on the line
It's about time!
It's about time!
It's about time!
It's just about time!
It's about time
It's about time
It's all about...
Talk about...
Wanna know...
There ain't no doubt!
It's about time!
Yeah yeah yeah...

(something)
Turn your clocks back!

[Bossy Monkey]

63. That's... beautiful! Somebody get me a Kleenex

Yow, really, what a dog. On the other hand, VH were never exactly known for the deep and reflective lyrics: "Daaaaance the night away" "Panama! Panama!" "Might as well jump/ Jump!/ go ahead and jump" But, uh, yeah, maybe a new low.

[timtom]

53. AHA! Everyone seems to have forgotten...

NEIL DIAMOND

("..Songs she sang me, joy she brang me...")

[Bossy Monkey]

57. I almost put on "I Am... I Said" just for "not even the chair"

but for some embarrassing reason kinda like Neil Diamond.

Welcome to DU, admittedly a month or so late.

[solinvictus]

54. Chicago

One of their late 80's ballads with the lyrics "it's a paradox full of contradictions".

[ironflange]

55. My name is Jack and I live in the back

Of the Greta Garbo home for wayward boys and girls.

[Richardo]

56. Louie - not "Louie Louie"

The anthem to interracial dating that starts:

"She was BLACK
as the night.
Louie was whiter than white..."

The chorus:

"Louie louie louie lou-eee
Louie louie louie lou-eye
Louie louie louie lou-eee
Louie louie you're gonna cry"

:puke:

[ProfessorGAC]

58. I Think The Title Is "Brother Louie"

The Professor

[Richardo]

59. Thank you, Prof...

I think. :D

[ProfessorGAC]

60. Stupid Lyrics, But. . .

. . .i always liked the way that guy sang it. Really throaty sounding voice, with good accents around the main beat. Not a good song, but an impressive performance.
The Professor

[LincolnMcGrath]

61. Im Ugly And I Dont Know Why :Butt Trumpet

was walking home from school one day
When I saw Danny standing there
I tried to show him my dirty underwear
He showed me his and nothing would compare
And he said

CHORUS
You're ugly
What the fuck gave birth to you?
You're ugly
And I bet your mom is too
You're ugly
Man what's with that doo?
You're ugly because you're ugly

I kinda wonder when I think back to those days
Why did all the boys get scared and run away?
So I looked in the mirror to see if it was true
My reflection looked at me like it was scared too
And it said

CHORUS
You're ugly
What the fuck gave birth to you?
You're ugly
And I bet your mom is too
You're ugly
Man what's with that doo?
You're ugly because you're ugly


Let me tell you guys a little story about my second grade love. His name
was Danny and he looked so good this one day in his plaid Tuffskins. And
everyday after school I would go pick him up at his classroom, and one day
these three girls came out before he did, and this one girl named Heidi
Weller had this handfull of pumpkind seeds. And I said, "Let me see those
pumpkin seeds," and she said, "No." And I grabbed her hand and I said,
"Let me see those pumpkind seeds now, bitch!" And I looked at them and
they had Danny Irving's name written on every one of them damn pumpkin
seeds and I said, "Hey bitch! That's my boyfriend! Why do you have my
boyfriend's name written on all your pumpkin seeds? I'm gonna have to kick
your fuckin' ass, bitch!" And you know what she had the nerve to say to
me? She said...
CHORUS
You're ugly
What the fuck gave birth to you?
You're ugly
And I bet your mom is too
You're ugly
Man what's with that doo?
You're ugly because you're ugly

[Bossy Monkey]

64. 24 hours late: popup-free links to lyrics for at least 3 of these here

http://www.popculturemadness.com/Music/WORST.html as well as many other nightmare tunes. Earworm warning!

Can you believe nobody mentioned "Good Morning Starshine"?