Does ballooning to 275 pounds help fight off Lesbian attacks?

[trumad]

I ask because I just read a caption in the National Enquirer stating that Martha Stewart has done just that to help fend off Lesbian attacks.

This has peaked my interest because I am contemplating writing a "How to Guide" for folks who are worried about these kind of attacks. I figure the Wingers will by them by the thousands and maybe, just maybe I can get some of that Shaife money?

BTW: Inquiring minds want to know...

[mopaul]

1. greatest subject line ever!

and very thought provoking

[Bombtrack]

2. Rosie O'Donnell doesn't believe in that method scaring off Lesbians

[matcom]

3. i'm taking a different approach in my research

i'm trying to figure out how exactly TO provoke Lesbian attacks!

so far i have:

- purchased a small, cute dog that i walk frequently in 'known' lesbian hangouts.

- opted to wear nothing but comfortable shoes and flanel tops

- all Stetson all the time

- bumper sticker that says: "Woman, stop grabbing my ears, I know what i'm doing."

I'll let you know how my research pans out. So far, sadly, no Lesbian attacks but i'm keeping my hopes up.

[trumad]

4. You forgot castration

I think that might help the most...;-)

[matcom]

5. naw, not in my case

i'm a smoker :P

[Blue_Roses]

10. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Woman, stop grabbing my ears, I know what i'm doing."

ROFLMAO!

[PopSixSquish]

22. Just Snorted Water Out of My Nose!!!

bumper sticker that says: "Woman, stop grabbing my ears, I know what i'm doing."

Thanks Matcom, I needed a laugh right now!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

23. Yeah but I can recognize whisker burn with my eyes focused on the cieling

[mopaul]

6. "Man attacked by marauding band of Lesbian Guerillas"

i just made that up cause i thought it might be funny. sometimes though, i'm wrong.

[Throckmorton]

7. Worked for me,

I haven't been attacked by a lesbian since Nikki F. punched me in the 7th grade. Who knew she would end up as my sister-in-laws Significant Other?

[Dookus]

17. Welcome back, throckmorton!

:hi:

[trumad]

19. I use to live on throckmorton in Dallas?

same one?

[Gildor Inglorion]

8. I'm deeply confused....

having never imagined such a thing as a lesbian attack. Some of my BEST FRIENDS are lesbians; gentle creatures all, as far as I know. What in heaven's name would an attacking lesbian do?

[mopaul]

11. i guess martha stewart started this

or something. i've never had any trouble from any lesbians. quite the contrary, they were all swell folks. except there was this one obnoxious one who was a friend of my nieghbor's, who would always get drunk and talk about kicking some men's asses. she could've kicked mine good too, so i always stayed on her good side.

but my lesbian neighbors were the most friendly i ever had.

[shadu]

14. Yes BUT, what if your friend's neighbor went to prison!?

Is she the 'waffer thin Martha Stewart' type or would she
prefer Jumbo Matumbo Martha at 275 pounds?
If so, Martha's plan might backfire!
The question is, do prison lesbians like 'em BIG?

[achtung_circus]

9. I'm 6' and 200 lbs but

that doesn't help. I work in a very strange environment. Two of the other officers are a couple and on Thursday they thought it would be fun to wrestle me to the ground and tickle me. One thinks it is the height of hilarity to body check me into the walls, she's 5'4 and about 110 lbs, but wiry.

I've only been with this agency about 6 months but with co-workers like this I'm never leaving, lesbian attacks and all.

edit stupid typo

[sendero]

12. If you ever make the innocent mistake...

... of getting too friendly with a lesbian's bi girlfriend, you will find out what it's like to be attacked. Don't worry, they won't grab you by the ears :)

[shadu]

13. Not from 350 pound lesbians!

And I should think a 500 pound lesbian would
attack any and all lesbians under, say..... 375.
I think she better shoot for 450.

[CatWoman]

15. this is the sickest thread i've read in a while

the funniest too!!! :D

[shadu]

16. I could not resist responding, albeit carefully.

Maybe we could all learn something from this, some
bit of insight we can take home to our families ;)

[trumad]

18. Martha can be my Beeatch!

[kodi]

20. if you had watched faux's "when good lesbians go bad" you'd know

.

[trumad]

26. Snarf

[m-jean03]

21. Maybe, but it would put you at a greater risk for heart attacks

So I wouldn't recommend it! :hi:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

24. Only if you gained all the weight in your dick

[DS1]

25. 275 lbs psi? I don't think my nuts could handle that

:silly: