Does G-d have a sense of humor?

[mkregel]

I'm beginning to think the answer is 'yes.' I mean beyond the whole men with nipples thing.

It seems the more serious anyone takes themselves, the more of a body slam their ego gets in the end.

Clearly a sign that the supreme being has a sense of irony...

[HEyHEY]

1. yup

Haven't you seen the faces people make during sex? - That's from dogma

[punpirate]

2. If (s)he talks to Bush...

(s)he'd have to....

[Cheswick2.0]

3. She must

she gives so many of us children who are just as maddening as we were to our parents.

[jody]

4. She certainly does because she created Adam and Eve but later

she repented. "And it repented the LORD that he {or she} had made man on the earth, and it grieved him {or her} at his {or her} heart." Genesis 6:6

It should be noted that God never repented making "woman", just "man".

[Andy_Stephenson]

5. I do have a sense of

humor. Oh you mean God...the big guy.

[BansheeBarbie]

6. Yes, But Unfortunately Many Of God's Children Do Not

As evidenced by this thread here on DU and the fact that some people thought it was "offensive" and ended up getting it locked.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=106088

[ima_sinnic]

9. one of my all-time favorite threads

first I'd heard it was locked--can someone please explain to me what is so offensive?
what is up with that anyway?
what about depictions of JC in movies--are they offensive? who gets to say who can play Jesus and who can't?

[Droopy]

7. I thought you meant- Does General Discussion have a sense of humor?

I totally misunderstood you until I read the other replies. :dunce: I know God does- don't ask, it's personal.

[jody]

8. May I suggest you read "The Ruins" by Volney because its timely today

"The Ruins: or, Meditation on the Revolutions of Empires; and The Law of Nature" by Constantin-Francois Volney

[JVS]

10. No

But he does like to heckle comedians by using omniscience to give away all of the punchlines.

[ilpostino]

11. Spinelli!

TRACY
Spinelli? Who in the hell's Spinelli?
(to JORDAN)
Sorry, Your Honor.
(back to GOD)
Who is Spinelli?
GOD
My brother.
TRACY
There's a Brother God?
GOD
I'm afraid there is.
TRACY
Holy cows! And I suppose there's a Mother God and a Father God?
GOD
There was a Mother God. Yes. We never knew our father.
TRACY
These are astonishing revelations. How come we never knew any of this?
GOD
I don't know, Mr. Tracy. How come it took mankind almost two million years to figure out that the earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around? A flaw in the workmanship perhaps.
TRACY
Yes. Maybe so. Help us out then, won't you? Fill us in on this family tree of yours.
HEPBURN
Irrelevant, Your Honor.
TRACY
Irrelevant? Your Honor, we've just learned that there's an entire family of Gods lurking in the background here. Who knows what role any of them may have played in the events that befell my clients in the Garden of Eden?
JORDAN
Mr. Tracy, I thought you were terrific in The Old Man and the Sea, but I'm not going to let you chase this marlin all over the place. Get your line in the water and get it out quickly.
TRACY
Thank you, Your Honor.
(to GOD)
Okay, so there was your mother, your brother, and you. And this was all before the Garden of Eden?
GOD
Way before.
TRACY
And what happened?
GOD
We ate what we weren't supposed to eat.
TRACY
You're not going to tell us...?
GOD
Yes. Fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
TRACY
You're saying the tree predates the Garden?
GOD
The tree predates everything, Mr. Tracy. It is like the rain forest; it sustains spiritual life in the cosmos.
TRACY
And you ate from it?
GOD
Spinelli and I. The two of us.
TRACY
What about the Mother God?
GOD
She warned us to watch what we eat.
TRACY
And you disobeyed her?
GOD
(bows head)
Yes.
TRACY
Well. Now we're getting somewhere. And then what happened?
(long pause while GOD continues to look down at His hands)
What happened after you and Spinelli ate what you weren't supposed to eat?
GOD
(looks up and off in the distance again)
The Mother God died.
TRACY
Died?
GOD
She was killed.
TRACY
Killed? Who would kill a Mother God?
GOD
(turns slowly to look directly at TRACY and answers softly)
Her sons.
TRACY
You?
GOD
Both her sons.
TRACY
But why?
GOD
Why, Mr. Tracy? Why? Because we had eaten of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, that's why. We were no longer content to be blissful, as is the true nature of gods. All of a sudden we had to live on the edge. We turned the Mother God into an object of our desire, and then into a victim of our jealousy. We killed her. We killed our mother.

(Suddenly He starts to break down--slowly at first, then collapsing into an uncontrollable sob)
TRACY
(shaking head and muttering to himself)
This is getting too Greek for me.

(TRACY looks to JORDAN for help)
JORDAN
(to GOD)
Would you like a break, Heavenly Father?

(GOD shakes his head no, but can't stop Himself from crying

TRACY turns and holds his hands out to HEPBURN in a sign of helplessness

EVE looks to Adam for comfort. He moves into TRACY’s seat beside her and puts an arm around her

HEPBURN rises and meets TRACY in the middle of the courtroom, barely able to restrain herself from socking him in the nose

EVE offers HEPBURN the tissue she had used to dry her own eyes

HEPBURN takes the tissue from EVE and gives TRACY a disapproving shake of her head

Then HEPBURN offers the tissue to GOD, who takes it, dabs His eyes, blows His nose, and continues to shake with profound hurt

HEPBURN places an arm on His shoulder)
HEPBURN
(softly)
Dear God, would you like to step down?
GOD
(finally collecting Himself enough to speak)
No. No. I need this. I can't live with it any longer.
HEPBURN
Do you want to tell us what happened then?
GOD
Yes.
(blows nose again and takes a deep breath)
We fought over the Mother God's attentions. Spinelli and I. The thunder you hear echoes the threats we hurled at each other. The lightning you see reflects our blows. The stars in the sky are the message she wrote when her voice was too choked with woe to be heard above the uproar.
(motioning as with a hand across the sky)
Your fighting is killing me.
HEPBURN
And it did?
GOD
(long pause)
It broke her heart.
HEPBURN
Oh, my God...
(catches self)
Sorry. Then what happened?
GOD
Nothing. For eons and eons and eons. Nothing happened. With her dying breath, Mother still cared enough about us to warn us not to eat of the Tree of Life. But our behavior had filled us with so much self-loathing that we no longer cared...not about ourselves nor anything else. So we ate of the Tree of Life, with the worst possible outcome.
HEPBURN
Which was?
GOD
We couldn't die--not by our own hand nor with the help of one another. We were cursed to live forever under the cloud of our sin.
HEPBURN
So when you were rushing Adam and Eve out of the Garden, you were really trying to save them from the Tree of Life?
GOD
Guilt and immortality do not mix, Miss Hepburn.
HEPBURN
Death is not cruel?
GOD
Death is a blessing.

(HEPBURN looks over at the plaintiffs' table, and tries to put two and two together; then turns back to GOD)
HEPBURN
Now where exactly did the plaintiffs come in?
GOD
The loneliness and despair had become unbearable. At least for me. I was starved for redemption.
HEPBURN
And you had hoped to find that redemption in Adam and Eve?
GOD
(looking directly at ADAM and EVE)
My creation. My passion. My raison d'étre.
(back to HEPBURN)
It'd been sheer inspiration on my part. I was going to make a creature in my own image. I would place this creature in a state of heavenly bliss and watch it live out the life that could have been mine. And in that life I would find my own soul's redemption.

(HEPBURN looks over at the plaintiffs' table, then back at GOD)
HEPBURN
But the plaintiffs' disregard of your admonition about the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil robbed you of that redemption?
GOD
Unfortunately.
HEPBURN
To your everlasting regret?
GOD
Yes.
HEPBURN
And the regret of all mankind?
GOD
I believe so.
HEPBURN
(gently touching GOD'S arm)
No further questions.
JORDAN
Mr. Tracy?

(TRACY is unsure of how to respond as HEPBURN holds ground in middle of court

He looks to his clients, cowering in each other’s arms, then rises and looks out at the audience. He draws a deep breath and turns back to the courtroom)
TRACY
(approaching)
Your Eminence, I've got to admit to a little confusion here.
GOD
You're entitled, Mr. Tracy.

(As HEPBURN grudgingly clears out of the way and returns to her seat)
TRACY
You're very gracious. Now this brother of yours. Spinelli. He helped in creating Adam, didn't he?
GOD
No, he didn't.
TRACY
But you told us earlier that you said to him, 'Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness.'
GOD
I said it. But he didn't want to go along with it. He had his own ideas.
TRACY
About creation?
GOD
About everything. I wanted us to work together. No one else had been through what we had been through. No one else knew the things we knew. Nothing else in the universe was like us. I thought we should be a team. But not him. Not Spinelli. He thinks he's a genius.
TRACY
So while you were creating the Garden of Eden, what was he doing?
GOD
Kibitzing. As usual. 'More bacteria!''Don't put that tree there.’ 'Give that guy a bigger penis...'
TRACY
'Don't put that tree there?' So you were warned about placement of the tree?
GOD
Mr. Tracy, my brother's motives are not always pure.
TRACY
He was right about the tree though, wasn't he? Where you put it was a disaster for my clients, wasn't it?
GOD
Yes. But my brother's intentions...
TRACY
Your brother's intentions? Excuse me, but it's your intentions that are in question here. You tell us your intention was to find redemption, but you followed a formula for disaster. Disaster for my clients and everyone else who ever lived.
(starts to return to his seat)
I have no further questions.
GOD
Mr. Tracy, my brother's intentions...
TRACY
(over his shoulder)
No further questions. Thank you.
JORDAN
Miss Hepburn?
HEPBURN
(hurrying to cover the damage)
Holy Father, perhaps you'd like to tell us about your brother's intentions.

(GOD looks to TRACY, who He really wants to convince, but once TRACY gets to his table he turns his attention to his clients and ignore God)
GOD
(turning to HEPBURN)
My brother's intentions are suspect, Miss Hepburn. They're always suspect. Although I've struggled mightily to overcome my own misadventure with the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, my brother is addicted to its fruit. He delights in finding evil in good and good in evil. He has an insatiable appetite for paradox.
HEPBURN
Can you give us an example?
GOD
I'd be glad to. As you know, mankind was not the first attempt at creation.
HEPBURN
The dinosaurs?
GOD
Yes. We made them together. I did the exterior work. He did the interiors.
HEPBURN
And?
GOD
They too ate of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and died.
HEPBURN
Bananas killed the dinosaurs?
GOD
Spinelli had designed their digestive systems so they couldn't process fruit. They experienced extreme flatulence and emitted deadly gases that enveloped the earth.
HEPBURN
Do you mean...?
GOD
Yes. They farted themselves to death.
(looks to JORDAN)
Am I allowed to say that?
JORDAN
Of course.
GOD
It was all a big joke to him.
HEPBURN
You mean he did it on purpose?
GOD
Exactly. The idea of a beast that large...that magnificent...choking on its own...its own... Well, that's the kind of God he is. Anything for a laugh.
HEPBURN
So when you warned Adam and Eve not to eat from the tree because they might die, you were speaking from experience?
GOD
Yes. I tried my best to QC things, but I never knew what he was up to from one millennium to the next.
HEPBURN
And he got to them, didn't he? He ruined your creation?
GOD
He got to us all, Miss Hepburn.
HEPBURN
All?
GOD
(points around at everyone--from the courtroom to the audience)
All.

(HEPBURN looks to the courtroom and audience too, then speaks for all mankind)
HEPBURN
I don't think we understand.
GOD
(sighs)
Yes. Well, that's it, isn't it?
HEPBURN
Can you help us?
(GOD shakes His head and takes a deep breath)
GOD
What Mr. Tracy missed...what he didn't understand...is that I wanted to put that tree on the outskirts of Eden, as far from Adam and Eve and temptation as possible. But Spinelli challenged me. He said, "What kind of redemption is there in that? You put it on the outskirts, you've proved nothing. How will you ever know if they really trust you? If they're loyal? If they're loving?" Spinelli always knew how to press my buttons. He knew I'd be the willing architect of my own undoing.
HEPBURN
(an insight)
Spinelli is pure evil.
GOD
No, Miss Hepburn. Spinelli is pure irony. He's delighted to be stage manager for a cosmic theater of the absurd. He's tireless and thoroughly enjoys what he does. He was never interested in finding love or redemption in creation. He figured the best he could ever hope for out of existence was amusement--mere diversion from the ennui. And he was going to get his at my expense. And yours. Spinelli turns everything mankind does into comedy. The more earnest you are, the bigger the laugh. When you wage wars in the name of peace, that's Spinelli at work. When your civilizations foul themselves by polluting their own hearts, minds and ecosystems, that's Spinelli humor. When lovers love so much that they quarrel and kill one another, they're Punchinelloes in Spinelli puppet theater. At stupendous cost you explore space seeking the sound of alien voices, but you can't stand the sound of alien voices among your own kind. Irony triumphs. It trumps love. It trumps hate. It trumps good and evil. It trumps me...your God.
HEPBURN
You're helpless?
GOD
I am my brother's straight man, Miss Hepburn. Mankind mocks me with its worship. A man pilots a plane into the side of a building with prayer on his lips, “Allah...Allah.” A woman crawls out from under the rubble with prayer on her lips, “Praise be to God.” Millions gather over the victims’ graves, singing me their hosannas. They can’t thank me enough for making them part of my plan. My plan? Do they think it's my plan to hide little nuggets of divine goodness in mass human suffering? Do they think it's my plan to put a Mercedes Benz in this one's garage and make that one live under a turnpike in a cardboard box? Do they think it's my plan to put gourmet meats on this one's table, and flies in the eyes of that one? Do they think it's my plan to let cancer devour this child's insides and let that child skateboard through life? What do they take me for? My plan, such as it was, ended in the Garden of Eden. It's all been one long night at the Improv ever since.

http://www.bellflowertheater.org/nowshowing.htm
Note to Mods: no copyright issue...I own it.

[newyawker99]

12. Congrats ilpostino!! 200 posts

:toast:

[ilpostino]

16. Grazie

[mitchum]

13. Yes...a very dark one

[dolo amber]

14. Well

I have a 13 yr old daughter. And she was, for all my best efforts and intentions to be my only one. Not to sound ungrateful for the *gift* of motherhood, but I'd had her when I was 23, and was quite thrilled by the prospect of being *free* again by my early 40s. And so, many years passed. I had been taking depo provera, and before you get your once-every-three-month shot, you have to take a pregnancy test, "just in case". I went to get mine, the nurse says "You do know we have to take a pregnancy test" to which I reply confidently "Oh sure, go right ahead" secure in my faith in the shot plus the depressing lack of action of recent weeks...well, guess what?!

She was 3 in April, so you tell me...;)

[PsychoDad]

15. yes...

As you said, look around :silly:

[baldguy]

17. Hell, yes!

[DS1]

18. in that case, dubya has lined himself up for a match

with "The Big Show" ending with a crippling third rope smash from the show.

I don't watch much WWE, just enough to keep informed :evilgrin:

[tedoll78]

19. Two words:

duckbilled platypus.