Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:24 AM
Original message |
I'm going to jump on the bandwagon, I'm f**king depressed too. |
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And for no good reason that I can think of. Two months ago I was a waste of space. I had spent the last year going to college (kind of) not working and pretty much drinking all the time living off a few hundred dollars a month and I was pretty freaking content.
Two months ago I was running out of money and the semester was almost over so I decide to get a summer job (in sales) just to tide myself over till school started. As luck would have it I turned out to be very good at my job and I got promoted within a month, but since I was new they put me in the worst store in one of the bottom locations as the manager.
It turned out that I am even better as a manager then as a salesman and since I took over the location has over doubled in output.
I have even started dating again finally after being dumped by my s/o of four years about ten months ago (one of the many reasons I was drinking so much.)
It would stand to reason that any 22 year old that had managed to get his life together and was making six figures a year on what was only going to be a summer job would be happy, but I have never found failure as disappointing as I am finding success.
So wtf is wrong with me. Everyone tells me how proud they are of me nd what a good job I am doing. Now when I see my mother she beams at me instead of giving me that look she used to that said "what did you do to your future." But part of me wants to cash it all in and go back to being a 50% homeless drunkin asshole sleeping till three everyday, spending the next five hours on DU and then going out drinking, without even a basic grasp of what day of the week it is.
Am I a piece of work or what?
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:30 AM
Response to Original message |
1. Funny thing success is |
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Edited on Fri Jun-18-04 12:30 AM by nothingshocksmeanymo
or as Peggy Lee said, "Is that all there is?"
The next task on your ladder is to find a place of contentment within you that is unrelated to your circumstances...that way, whether you are farting in silk or pissing by the roadside, you can know happiness.
I can't tell you exactly HOW to do it but I can tell you it comes from living out of a true desire to transform your being...there's not ONE lone way of doing it...
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:46 AM
Response to Reply #1 |
9. Yeah the "Is that all there is?" is a big part of it. |
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It wasn't even hard to do. I had always expected to be good at something, but I had assumed it was going to be something "useless" involving sitting around in a library all day doing bookish things.
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:52 AM
Response to Reply #9 |
12. Creating a purpose in life is necessary |
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Survival isn't the be all and end all and success is part of the "I'm surviving better than you" game.
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:14 AM
Response to Reply #12 |
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I guess that would be cheating. I had always assumed that my purpose in life would be related to my work, but I never intended to work in the business world.My passion has always been for reading, research and to a lesser degree writing.
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:30 AM
Response to Reply #18 |
21. That's your passion..what purpose would it serve? |
Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:36 AM
Response to Reply #21 |
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that learning was it's own purpose, and that perhaps I would be able to find a way to put food on the table while I was doing it as a side benefit.
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:38 AM
Response to Reply #22 |
23. So is your purpose to empower people? |
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Or to teach?
Learning MAY be it's own purpose but it doesn't answer the question of the meaning you could grant to your own life when things seem shallow.
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SarahB
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:35 AM
Response to Original message |
2. There's no "should be happy" |
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Most people would probably say the same thing to me having no idea really what's inside me or both my long term and short term histories. Sometimes, you find yourself living your life based on someone else's expectations (or society's) without asking yourself, "what do I really want?"
And if you get too gloomy, you can come with Amaya and I to see Fahrenheit 911 in a couple weeks. :7
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:47 AM
Response to Reply #2 |
10. Tell me when and where, |
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there is no way I will miss that.
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SarahB
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:51 AM
Response to Reply #10 |
11. I'll keep you posted. |
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She and I talked about going, but no definite date yet. Probably a Saturday. If you're interested, I'll let you know. :)
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:16 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
SarahB
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Fri Jun-18-04 08:01 AM
Response to Reply #19 |
Dogmudgeon
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:36 AM
Response to Original message |
3. Hey, you've got MY blues! |
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My life is a complete mess. My health sucks, I was ruined (I mean, ruined) when the software industry went belly-up, I don't have any real-life friends, I never married, I don't date, and I'm at home taking care of my mother, who is in declining health, and my grandmother, who may be dying.
I'm not miserable. I should be beside myself with grief, but I'm not.
I can't say I'm happy-go-lucky or even happy, but I'm not miserable.
All my life, I was prone to depression, then the bottom dropped out. And I'm virtually depression-proof. I mean, WTF?
It's gotta be something in those chemtrails. It's just gotta.
--bkl
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:43 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
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must be some type of "conservation of happiness" going on.
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nothingshocksmeanymore
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:44 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
7. You should teach coping classes |
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you'd be an instant millionaire..and thanks for taking care of your family...the job that does NOT pay six figures but allows you to look in the mirror in the morning and see a hero staring back at you.
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alittlelark
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:54 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
14. Are you in the Bay Area? |
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those chemtrails here are REALLY increasing.
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DEMVET-USMC
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:57 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
15. Doggone bareknockled, what can I say ?Through somewhat different routes |
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Though in many ways the parallels are there we have arrived at a similar place in life emotionally. I wish us both well in all regards. ...Oscar
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Don_G
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:40 AM
Response to Original message |
4. Maybe You're Not Doing What You Want To Do |
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However, you have discovered an unsuspected talent in yourself that you might want to develop and merge with your long-term goals.
A little disipline, a little fun and you just might buy out Satan to corner the market on Evil like Bill Gates has.
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:24 AM
Response to Reply #4 |
20. The unsuspected talent is part of the problem |
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what business did it have lurking around hidden I can't help thinking, if I could do this in two months where would I be is I had started years ago.
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Miss Authoritiva
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:43 AM
Response to Original message |
5. I don't know why (well, actually, I do), but the 20s are hellacious. |
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There's always so much going on and most of it is intense. It's a hell of a ride. All you can do is keep the safety bar down and in the locked position, and keep your hands and arms inside the car.
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DEMVET-USMC
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:45 AM
Response to Original message |
8. No, this is not an unusual reaction to heretofore unexpected success ! ! |
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My friend, my friend, get a grasp on yourself. Being successful is a very hard thing to achieve. It is new to you, please do not throw it away. You can learn to live with it over time, it just takes getting used to. You learned to adopt to failure and this is why you are having a hard time feeling comfortable with success. Please do not self-destruct. What ever bad feelings you have about being successful will pass. Get used to being a winner and be a happy man. ...Oscar
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Exultant Democracy
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:59 AM
Response to Reply #8 |
16. I guess I'll just have to get used to it |
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I don't really want to go back to what I was, but I do remember it wistfully. While I am at work I am fine and I admit making a huge sale is a bigger rush then any drug can give, but the drive home is long and lonely and that is when I start feeling down.
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alittlelark
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:52 AM
Response to Original message |
13. I started doing voice work again after 10 + years away from the field |
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I am now RAKING IT IN........and have never felt so unfulfilled. People say I have a 'dream job' - but I enjoyed working more when I was bartending at a neighborhood bar during college (almost 20 years ago).
I can relate - on many levels... But that doesn't mean it makes sense.
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amerikat
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Fri Jun-18-04 12:59 AM
Response to Original message |
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(Tom Waits and Kathleen Brennan) Well the moon is broken And the sky is cracked Come on up to the house The only things that you can see Is all that you lack Come on up to the house
All your cryin don't do no good Come on up to the house Come down off the cross We can use the wood Come on up to the house
Come on up to the house Come on up to the house The world is not my home I'm just a passin thru Come on up to the house
There's no light in the tunnel No irons in the fire Come on up to the house And your singin lead soprano In a junkman's choir You gotta come on up to the house
Does life seem nasty, brutish and short Come on up to the house The seas are stormy And you can't find no port Come on up to the house There's nothin in the world
(Chorus) there's nothin in the world that you can do you gotta come on up to the house and you been whipped by the forces that are inside you come on up to the house well you're high on top of your mountain of woe come on up to the house well you know you should surrender but you can't let go you gotta come on up to the house (Chorus)
tracks
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specimenfred1984
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Fri Jun-18-04 01:51 AM
Response to Original message |
24. Don't live for work, live for the fun stuff |
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No matter how successful you are, somebody else is always better so making a wad of money is only a comparison to others incomes. Your needs are yours regardless of what others think of you.
I've got really simple things that make me happy like some little sports leagues I'm in, playing dinky music and yes, the corniest of all, a great wife. I realized a long time ago I'd never be a Donald Trump.
You know who you are, just be that person. And, maybe you have depression. If you do, take some anti-depressant and get on with being happy.
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mrboba1
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Fri Jun-18-04 08:06 AM
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probably not living to your ideals somehow. I'm not going to say what those are or should be, because deep inside you they are there.
If you can figure out what the principles you want to live by are, then you can be more satisfied with your life.
There is much more to it than that, but it is a good start - you want to be grounded in uncomprimisable principles.
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mede8er
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Fri Jun-18-04 08:40 AM
Response to Reply #26 |
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Use your present job as a stepping stone to get to where you need to be. I could not face a lifetime of employment that didn't incorporate community service of some form........
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