Help me write the DU novel

[SaveABug]

Chapter 1:

Georgie and his wife, Xanaxie, were traveling on a not so well traveled road late at night. Of course there was a rainstorm, with thunder and lightning and shadows in the fields that caused ones heart to beat a little faster. They were in a '72 Plymouth Duster that Poppy had purchased for his favorite son. He got it cheap, but it seemed solid mechanically. At least, it did until this night. The engine sputtered.

anyone care to add to this great american novel?

[Fixated]

1. ...

A shadow dashed across the highway, making it's way to their window. They rolled it down, only to receive a shotgun blast to their chests. The attacker then killed himself.

[SaveABug]

4. Thank their particular God

they were wearing their special Kevlar vests that had been given to them as a present from Cousin Jebthro, the pig farmer that lived in the Everglades.

[InkAddict]

6. The Medical Examiner

called to the scene the next morning declares it an act of some Higher Power or other, and the act of violence gets pigeon-holed in DUer SaveABug's miscellaneous file for years.

A decade later, while cleaning out his desk at the request of the Commander-in-Thief, he re-discovers this curious case and resolves to uncover the mystery. Of course, pertinent to the investigation were all the bumper-stickers in the back seat. Where had the couple been taking them? The weapon on the ground bore some curious resemblence to those given as bank premiums for opening an account and given out in Colorado some years previous to the crime.

Sadly, DUer SaveABug, boxed up his papers, shoved the best stuff into a briefcase, and headed off to W. Virginia to seek some answers from the last anonymous tipster he had contacted about the curious case.

He arrived at the If Wishes were Donkeys Hotel at around 1PM and....

[SaveABug]

8. SaveABug showed up a little late

and feeling the need for a drink in the Grotto, but knew there was business to attend to. Those damn bumper stickers. They had been on his mind for years. What could their cryptic message possibly mean? Another migraine coming on. What the hell, it's after noon - time for a drink.
That tipster? Turned out to be nothing more than a tame goose chase. That damn jokester actually had the gall to say..........

[InkAddict]

9. A Matter of National Security

could hamper SaveABug's investigation, but he could clear it up if only they could meet at a certain Porno King's lair a few miles north across the river, geesh the nerve of these informants to lead him into temptation. Didn't he/she know that gasoline was nearly $5PG and he'd already come a long, long way, baby. Downing his poison of choice in a couple gulps, he asked for a chaser, then noticed the dish sitting to his right. Her smile was nice and OMG, the tattoo on her back brought him up with a start...the same phrase used on the bumper-stickers. What should he do, what should he do...Suddenly an idea popped into his head.

Hi hon - I need to paint my apartment and I was wondering if you'd look at these paint samples and make some suggestions? Slid betwixt the samples was the key card to his place at If Wishes were Donkeys...She glanced down to see what she really should not have and said....

[short bus president]

2. They wondered briefly

where all those motorcyclists were heading. They'd seen at least half a dozen ride by on this night. But being generally uncurious folks, they did not dwell long on the topic.

;-)

[Fixated]

3. ....

The husband glances around, realizing his opportunity. He picks up the shotgun, pretending to examine it, before unloading a shell into his wife's skull.

[SaveABug]

5. The End?

Life is so short. It seemed but the twinkling of an eye, and the novel was done.

[InkAddict]

7. Hey, not fair

I had writers block - See #6

[salmonhorse]

10. "The night was sultry..."

[SaveABug]

11. And the little tatooed lady

was feeling adventurous. We made it back to If Wishes Were Donkeys in the blink of an eye. Her tatoo kept staring at him. WMD. What the hell could it mean? White Male Dunderheads? Wild Mexican Damsels? It was seemingly unsolveable. Then, something happened...........

[salmonhorse]

12. ...But what?

It was a time of great expectation or was it. Well, you know, "great" that is until the room filled with a bevy of chisled, exquistely muscled Germanic lesbians; chisled indeed if while aerobic & pristine waft of coconuts and Stay Fresh fabric softener. The back of one, said to be Shotze, tatooed with an eagle astride a talon'd world laced within a green swastika poured into a black leather, spaghetti straped affair what barely contain the woman turning now to the wall assuming the position with a breathy look over her shoulder. A breathy look conveyed along with a,

"Uh..."

Clearly an environmentalist of some sort this...Shotze-person ~

[SaveABug]

13. Shotze!

SaveABug hadn't seen her since they were both little kids playing in the neighborhood junkyard. His long lost half-twin sister!

What was she doing in such a shady place with all these uninvited German musclebound lesbians? She had some 'splainin' to do.

[salmonhorse]

14. Known by her ECE classmates as EatABug...

She was taken from a tearful SaveABug on a lonely, misty, and portend riddled late afternoon in the back seat of a 49' Packard by the mean spirted and 3 day yet shaven 'social worker'. A crusty if while manly he/be-acth who'd scuttled off in he/her salad days with an alien trinket from Roswell en route to Area 51 near the mysterious and forboding...Broom Lake ~

Poor little ole EatABug. We knew her well but not, as it turns out, for very much longer...

[InkAddict]

15. After a tearful reunion

the sibs put their heads together. Under the stars twinkling like the neon glow from the hotel sign, she whispered. Those folks Georgie and X...what-ever-her-name-was - they were offed - no act of a higher power. The H. Angel was sent out to do the job, but those bullets...he didn't count on them bouncing back along with the recoil. You see, all them damn bumper stickers destined for the convention crowd were gonna be sprinkled into the harbor like so many tea bags and at the stroke of midnight, all the smokers were gonna flick their Bics to illuminate the truth. Something that MUST NOT happen!

Well, SaveABug thought on that awhile and came to the conclusion that some things were indeed better left unsolved and much better spun out in years to come as an Urban Legend on the Internet. SaveABug thanked EatABug for supplying the information that would put his soal at rest. He'd look for a new job tomorrow - maybe as a bouncer, mixing it up nitely with the entertainers of fortune. Yes, he'd be far better off letting sleeping EatABugs lie. He filled the tub and settled into the steam for a good lobster bath before cashing it in for the night. Chapter 2?

NITE ALL!

[salmonhorse]

16. mediacropolis ~

http://mediacropolis.osric.com

[SaveABug]

17. Hey - Thanks for the link

That could be most interesting!

I would have private messaged instead of kicking up the thread, but I don't have enough posts yet.


Who has the daring doo to begin chapter 2?

edit: by the way, it should have been A DU Novel. Not THE DU Novel.

Maybe another one could get started someday. This one took some interesting twists and turns, though.

[blondeatlast]

18. Chapter Two

SaveABug was restless to the point of squirming. In the distance, the yaks moaned slowly and proudly. Who was the mysterious voice on the other end?

"Dammit," he shouted. "I won't go back there. Not tonight." But the call was irresistible. He dressed and headed to the Grotto. "Martini--Stoli; got it?" The barkeep grunted. He downed it, not enjoying it. "The voice is here," he thought to himself. "She or he is here . . ."

On edit:

"Of course they're here; Matcom and Short Bus President. How do I keep them from discovering my overpowering secret?" Another martini, gulped, less enjoyed. "How?"

[SaveABug]

19. SaveABug likes to squirm - makes him feel alive.

That damn voice. Or voices, should I say. Familiar, yet distant. What the hell were they trying to say? With a belch, he ordered another'un. Gulped it down and started for the door, the one with the schizophrenic psychodelic loud colors that had personality. What was behind the door?

[InkAddict]

20. and the voices were at his back now...

"You never close your eyes anymore..when I kiss your lips
And you're starting to critisize little things I dooooo
It makes me just feel like cryin' - baby
but, baby, baby I know it.....

You've lost that lovin' feelin - Whoa - that lovin' feelin
You've lost that lovin' feeling - Now it's gone, gone, gone

The deepest throat seemed slightly flat and icy. He instinctively knew that once the urge came on, there was only one way to eliminate the bile and SaveABug continued through the door for that certain rendevous. Behind the first and only stall...