Stupid warning labels for 'morans'

[geniph]

I kid you not, the sunshields I have in my car have a label on them: DO NOT USE WHILE DRIVING. Um. Well, yeah, since I put them on the WINDOWS and they're OPAQUE, that would seem self-evident to me. Apparently not.

:eyes:

[htuttle]

1. Saw instructions on a package of paper-wrapped toothpicks once

1) Remove from wrapper
2) Place between teeth
3) Rotate Gently

WARNING: DO NOT PUSH TOOTHPICK INTO SOFT TISSUES SUCH AS EYES OR NOSE!

:eyes:

[shaolinmonkey]

2. I believe there are warnings on smoke detectors that

warn people not to eat any part of the detector. Smoke detectors use a weak radioactive source (thorium 233), but who the hell would eat a smoke detector?

[TheDebbieDee]

7. George Bush might. He is a moron, after all.

[RoyGBiv]

17. Lawsuits

It's scary to think that a lot of these weird warning labels are the result of some sort of lawsuit someone filed.

...like all the "warning, contents may be hot" labels on coffee cups.

And what's scarier is that some people really seem to need them. I worked at a store with a self-server coffee dispenser, and once while coffee was brewing, I heard this muffled shriek coming from that direction. I went back to see what was going on, and the guy started yelling at me that he'd burned his finger. He'd put it in the stream of coffee running into the pot.

Why, you ask? He wanted to see if the coffee was too hot, and he told me we needed to have a sign or something telling people it was.

IT'S FREAKIN' COFFEE!!!

[Endangered Specie]

21. Dont you remember that famous lawsuit...

A woman sued and won millions when she spilt super hot McDonalds coffee in her lap.

A comedian said:

"Looking at her, I dont think she has any room to sue, that was probably the hottest thing to get between her legs in 20 f**king years!"

I think it was Robin Williams.

[Love Bug]

3. I have one of those, too

Makes you wonder who has to be told that!

My favorite is the warning on the artificial xmas tree I own: "Must be assembled before use" Well, no duh. I'm going to just take the branches and dump them on the floor and throw ornaments on them. Sheesh.

[Speck Tater]

4. On a pocket knife from Japan

Warning: Sharp object. Keep out of children.

[lovedems]

5. We bought an "indestructible" flashlight a few years back and the

disclaimer was "indestructible except with shark bites and children under 5". I kid you not. :D

[Malikshah]

6. Do not immerse head in spackle.

Yes, this was a warning I read on a big tub of spackle.

I wonder if they had to do this after a law suit???

Social darwinism anyone? ;)

[Rainbowreflect]

8. Warning on a iron.

Remove clothes from body before ironing.
I wish I would have read the instructions first.
Ouch!!!

[ewagner]

9. On top of a step ladder

STOP!

sorry....old Benny Hill joke.

[geniph]

10. TV dinners actually say on the instructions

to REMOVE FROM BOX before placing tray in oven. Um, yes, the box is made of paper. Do people actually need these labels?

On a hairdryer: DO NOT USE WHILE BATHING OR SHOWERING. Personally, I usually wait until I get OUT of the water before attempting to dry anything.

:eyes:

[never cry wolf]

18. Frozen pizza

I love my dad, and he's not a dumb guy. Licensed Architect an Structural Engineer but when my mom went to work full time and he had to cook his own dinner he put the frozen pizza in the oven on top of the cardboard sheet.

At least he removed the plastic wrapping.

[King Of Paperboys]

19. Can I please have a list

Of the buildings he designed? Do they have plenty of exits? :evilgrin:

[never cry wolf]

24. LOL

Hey, he was Ward Cleaver. His traditional role was bringing home the bacon, it was up to June to run the household.

He has graduated to being able to reheat something in the microwave, sorta, and can play solitaire on a computer but his VCR is in perpetual 12:00---12:00---12:00 blinking mode.

Child of the depression, knows the slide rule, learned the calculator late in life......

[kymar57]

25. I have to admit.

i did the same thing a year or so ago. Trying to cut the thing I was thinking "damn this crust is tough". A major "DOH" moment. I guess I shoulda read the directions.:dunce:

[haele]

28. Actually, when I was 9...

I was "helping out" by starting dinner after I got home from school before my parents came home from work, and it was good ol' Swanson's TV dinners that night...
I was still a tad confused about instructions at that age, and since the box didn't say anything about what to do with the box, only the foil covers, I followed the instructions - then put the trays back in the cardboard boxes and put them in the oven.

The dinners cooked up fine, btw. The house was just a bit smelly and smokey before dinner that night - and my folks had a good laugh they could share with everyone - including hubby and kidlet - any chance they get.

Haele

[Kat45]

11. A pad of post-it notes

Warned that other side may be sticky!

[HEyHEY]

12. "Take stand up lamp ot of box before stand up lamp use."

Seen on a lamp my mom bought from costco

[Westegg]

13. The sad truth is that for every stupid warning label...

...there are millions of supposedly fully functioning "adults" who really DO need them. The other reason for their existence is that for every stupid warning label, there are millions of lawyers who would concoct frivolous lawsuits if the labels weren't there.

"It's an opaque sun-shield, fer Chrissake! Why---and for that matter, HOW---did your client drive the car with it blocking the whole window?"

"It doesn't say 'Do Not Use While Driving,' so how was my client to know? $10 million, please."

[Endangered Specie]

14. A TV remote control: "Not Dishwasher Safe"

That one really took me back.

[King Of Paperboys]

15. From "The 776 Even Stupider Things Ever Said:"

Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly.

(instructions on Kenner Products' Batman costume)

[Endangered Specie]

16. If you think they aren't necessary...

you should read some Darwin awards

http://www.darwinawards.com

"Do not grip a loaded shotgun by the barrel and use as a hammer" would have saved at least one of them.

[RoyGBiv]

20. Darwin Awards

Brief story...

My mother and I were almost involved in something that certainly would have shot us to the top of the awards.

We were on a long drive, and I'd brought along some reading material to entertain myself during her driving shifts. Just that morning I'd received in e-mail with stories of some awards, so I'd printed out a copy to take with me. As I read them, I started giggling, and when I got to one story, I started laughing so hard I fell into one of those fits where I couldn't stop. (It was the honorable mention: Lawn Chair Larry story.)

Mom naturally wanted to know what was so funny. She'd never heard of the Darwin Awards, so as I explained that, still laughing, she started laughing. Then when I read her the story that had affected me so, I started breaking up uncontrollably again, which of course affected her, and then she started laughing uncontrollably while we were hurtling down the highway at 70mph. She has asthma and started wheezing, which often makes her panic, which it did, and she started losing control of the car. She maintained enough sense to slow down and pull over to the side of the road while she caught her breath.

But it was damn near a Python skit and an the ultimate ironic Darwin award headline.

[MikeG]

22. I've seen Braille on Drive-Thru ATMs

[KamaAina]

26. The person who's blind could be a passenger

then again, remember the PSA's with Stevie Wonder saying "Before I ride with someone who's drunk, I'll drive myself"?

A friend who's blind, and female, tells of the ATM (not at a drive-thru :-) ) that had the Braille installed too low; she had to keep scooching lower and lower down to read the instructions, 'til finally she was lying flat on the ground, in her stockings and heels, no less!

[MisterP]

30. that's 'coz they're standardized:

they make the same ATM regardless of where the bank decides to stick it.

[geniph]

23. I'm surprised fuel pumps don't have a label,

DO NOT DRINK FROM GASOLINE PUMP.

[everdene]

27. Remove suppository from foil before inserting in rectum.

Really, this was on a box of Caffergot PB Suppositories.

[baldguy]

29. During Prohibition

some wineries bottled their grape juice and put a warning label on it:

"Do Not Add Yeast And Allow Juice To Ferment!"