DU women: What attributes are foremost in attracting you to a man?

[prolesunited]

Just to give the ladies equal time and perhaps the men a little reassurance and a few hints.

So, what are the attributes, physical and others, that attract you to a man?

[Lavender Brown]

1. Humor most of all, and kind eyes.

[ForrestGump]

59. Me...me...

Well, maybe me...apparently my eyes can be less than charming, too :-)

[NMDemDist2]

96. agreed eom

[supernova]

2. Intelligent eyes, friendly smile -- sense of humor

courtesy go a long way with me initially. Slightly athletic, looks like he enjoys getting outdoors, but not really a jock.

[ForrestGump]

60. Me...me...me...me...me...me...

To borrow from Bill Murray's character in the classic Groundhog Day.

[patriotvoice]

87. "Prima Donna"

"I like blood sausage."

One of my favourite Bill Murray movies.

[ForrestGump]

88. Don't drive angry!

Rise and shine, campers, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's coooooooold out there today!


Bing!


Yeah, I love it...long been in heavy rotation for me, along with What About Bob?.

[LoZoccolo]

3. I know I'm butting in on this thread but ask yourself...

...if you were being asked what you liked in a woman by a woman on a public message board, would you really tell the whole truth?

Now flip the script. Just some advice!

[LoZoccolo]

5. Oh fuck I should have checked your profile.

Still, change that to address any men reading this thread and it's the same thing.

[prolesunited]

12. Yes, I am a woman

Did you think I was a African-American man? ;-)

[prolesunited]

8. What's your point?

It's just a question and like with anything on the board, people can chose to be truthful or not and people reading the responses will have to make their own judgments.

I have no illusions that this question will dislodge some underlying earth-shattering revelation.

[sandnsea]

9. What's to hide?

Boobs, butt, legs, friendliness, nurturing, accepting, what? You think women don't have a basic idea of what men want?

[sandnsea]

4. comfortable with himself

kindness, love of life... and a nice butt!

[Ellen Forradalom]

27. I second that

Plus a working brain and that twinkle in his eyes.

[ForrestGump]

63. Me...me...

[ForrestGump]

62. SOMETIMES me...usually me...mostly me...can't see back there from here

:D

[Misunderestimator]

6. A huge schlong

that's detachable. :bounce:

[prolesunited]

10. Hahaha!

Do I need to rephrase my question? Maybe I could start another thread. :shrug:

[Misunderestimator]

11. LOL... I just wanted to butt in.

:)

[kmla]

19. Heh heh heh....

She said "butt".

:evilgrin:

[Misunderestimator]

107. Ok, which one are you?

Beavis or Butthead... I wanna know. :evilgrin:

[Maestro]

14. Now that is funny. -nt

but you are not detaching mine!

[Misunderestimator]

16. *smirk*... that's what YOU think.

:evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

64. Um...Lorena Bobbit?...is that you?

[Misunderestimator]

100. Yes... and I'm not married...are you looking for a wife?

:evilgrin:

I've got this great collection of kitchen knives.

:bounce:

[ForrestGump]

109. Uhhhh...thank you, but I've had enough of wives for now

Meet my wife...




Okay...I may be overstating the fact somewhat. For a start, she's got no tattoos or tongue and nose piercings...

[notadmblnd]

7. sweat

seeing them engage in physical labor

[ForrestGump]

65. ME!! I am the King of Sweat...

[tilsammans]

13. A sense of humor that's in harmony with my own

And integrity, empathy, grace, intelligence. An awareness of what's going on beyond the sports pages.

Liberal through and through!

[ForrestGump]

66. Me...me...me...me...me...me...me!

[VelmaD]

15. It's so hard to put it into words...

and a lot of times it's different for different men. I can only really speak to the last couple of guys who caught my attention. For one it was deep brown eyes that you could just get lost in. That and his hair and this sort of gentleness of spirit that I'm frankly not used to.

For the other one it was his whole being. His humor. His sparkling eyes. The way he talked and moved and his warm warm hands.

[ForrestGump]

67. Not me (blue eyes), me (I've got hair), me, me, me, me, me!

[MsFlorida]

17. He must be a weekend boyfriend

Able to leave Monday at 6 AM, so I can go to work for the week. Show back up Friday at 5:30 PM ready to take me to dinner and a movie. Taller than me, definitely good looking in a Brad Pitt, Stephen Segal type of way. Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Able to drop everything he is doing to come and take me to lunch during the week. Be able to tolerate my dysfunctional family and still stay charming and lovable.

(kidding, I'm just kidding. I like nice. That wins everytime. And a man that talks to my face and not my chest.)

[ForrestGump]

68. Not me (6 AM's too EARLY)...me...me (if Seagal is any measure)...me...me

me...me...me...um, sometimes me, but sometimes those chests have some interesting things to say. :P

[eyesroll]

18. Fierce intellect; everything else is secondary.

You don't need to know everything in the world, but you must be willing to admit when you don't (and not condescend when I don't know what you're talking about). You don't need to be super-educated, but you need the intellectual curiosity to seek out answers and learn new things, whether it's Russian history or how to rebuild an engine. If I get to your house, there better be books, or a plausable explanation as to why there aren't any (small apartment, books in storage; blind and use books on CD; etc.).

This is my single non-negotiable (other than standard dealbreakers, like active raging heroin addiction, on trial for date rape, smacked your ex around, 10,000 posts at Free Republic, that sort of thing). I dated far too many idiots in high school to put up with idiots now. (Not that I'm looking.) I'm an intellectual snob, and I freely admit it.

That said, beyond that, there are preferences.

Passion in your work, or in your hobbies or your friends or family. Your eyes need to light up when you talk about something besides sports. (You'll lose me on sports, unless you can nerd it up with physics or math or something.)

Someone who could see me as the Madonna and the whore; someone who's not hung up on "sex is dirty," or worse, "the female body is dirty." Taking things slowly is fine; taking them quickly is fine (case-by-case, of course), but openmindedness is important.

In terms of phyisical appearance--
Height is irrelevant -- I'm 5'2", so you're likely to be taller anyway. Weight, too, barring extremes. I've dated super-skinny and overweight, and that didn't make a difference.

I like glasses. Everyone I've ever dated has worn glasses (even the idiots). It's probably coincidence, but perhaps not.

Hair color, eye color, etc. is also irrelevant. Overpreening is a turn-off, but taking reasonable care of yourself is a good thing.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. I like intellect, too, but I'd be more inclined to call it an

ominivorous intellect. In other words, someone who is interested only in small-particle physics is obviously very bright, but likely to get a little stale after a while, but somebody who is interested in small-particle physics and classical music and classic rock and medieval history and nature study and politics and anthropology and modern art and carpentry and basketball and is eager to learn about things he doesn't know yet is my kind of guy. (The actual content of the list is irrelevant: there just have to be a lot of items on it.) This omnivorous intelligence must be accompanied by verbal agility, an imagination, a sweet smile, and wicked glints in the eyes. I must also get "kind and considerate" vibes off him.

I don't have a definite physical type, although narrow hips are always nice.

As you can guess, I don't fall for that many men that often. When I see someone advertise himself in the personals as "a nice guy," period, I yawn. I suppose he means that he wouldn't beat me up (which is such a minimal requirement that it goes without saying). But if all I want is not to get beaten up, all I have to do is avoid relationships. On the whole, I find that men's personal ads are unimaginative and could all apply to some sort of generic guy. I look for individuals who are not afraid to be different from the rest.

I look for relationships in which I can honestly say, "We bring out the best in each other."

[eyesroll]

23. That's an important point, LL

Intellectual curiosity is probably the precise sticking point for me, and accomplishes a similar goal, but I like your term -- omnivorous. I'll have to remember that, in case I ever have to take out a personal ad. (Like I said, not looking.)

[ForrestGump]

70. Me...don't know if it's me, but I doubt it (I'm broad, like a linebacker,

rather than the snaky-hipped slender type -- some dude told me yesterday that I was built to be an excellent tight end, but I'm not too into football and so didn't know what he meant, other than that I'm pretty sure that he wasn't coming on to me)...

[ForrestGump]

69. Me (listen to it roar!)...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...not me

(no glasses)...me

[arcane1]

20. hmm... I think I'll keep an eye on this thread..

:evilgrin:

[prolesunited]

28. Have you learned anything new yet?

:hi:

[arcane1]

29. as a matter of fact, I have...

I've learned that I have a little of something or other that all women want! :D

:hi:

[prolesunited]

34. You have what women want?

That's a pretty big claim, mister. What do you have to back it up with. ;-)

[arcane1]

48. hehehe

well, the proof is in this thread, nearly every one mentions some quality that I have, or at least one that I can bluff about :silly:

[SiouxJ]

99. Oh yeah, I forgot to list "likes to dress up like Jesus . . .

at political protests."

How could I forget that one?! :spank: That's something I'm immediately attracted to ;-)

[arcane1]

104. it's the robe thing

everyone wants to know what's under it... creates a little mystery :silly:

and yes, you deserve the :spank:

[kitkatrose]

21. Intelligence, first and foremost.

I can get over all things if you have a position and can explain and debate it rationally. Humor is good and you gotta have goals in life. Most other things are negotiable.

On the physical side, I'm a sucker for hair and strong arms. Oh, and eyes that make me melt. :) Sheesh, where's the drooly smilie when you need it. ;)

[ForrestGump]

71. Me...me...me...me...me...don;t know if it's me (the melting thing)

[SiouxJ]

24. Intelligence, humility, wicked sense of humor, animal lover

with a nice ass ;-) . I'm a sucker for a nice ass. A creative talent is nice too - especially if it happens to be music. I like guys that don't have to be the center of attention. I'm turned off by self-centeredness and self-importance. There is a difference between confidence (which I love) and arrogance (which I detest).

Physically, well I love long hair but it's not a must. I love tall skinny guys too but again, it's not a must. I tend to like dark features. Actually, I tend to go for guys who aren't considered classically good looking. I like a little character in the face rather than a pretty boy. Also, I'm not fond of freakish muscles. What nature gave you is fine. In fact it's better than fine.

Three things are a must though, he has to be overly interested in music (and know a lot about it), compassionate toward animals and of course, a liberal! We just won't get along otherwise. :-)

[ForrestGump]

72. Me...me...me...me...me (or so I've recently been told)...me...me...me...me

me...half me...maybe me, a bit...don't know if it's me...me...me...me...me...me...

:-)

[SiouxJ]

94. Lol

Well, I WAS thinking of you when I wrote that but never imagined you'd be able to figure it out ;-) Yup, you're the perfect man :-) .

[SarahB]

25. I still want what Alanis wants.....

(I love that damn song.)

21 Things I Want In A Lover
by Alanis Morissette

do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
do you have a big intellectual capacity
but know that it alone does not equate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion
but enjoy it even though you are not apart of it?
are you both masculine and feminine?
politically aware?and don't believe in capital punishment?

these are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer

do you derive joy from diving in
and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny?à la self-deprecating?
like adventure?and have many formed opinions?

these are 21 things that i want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that i prefer
i figure i can describe it since i have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things i choose to choose in a lover

i'm in no hurry i could wait for ever
i'm in no rush cuz i like being solo
there are no worries and certainly no pressures
in the meantime i'll live like there's no tomorrow

are you uninhibited in bed? more than 3 times a week?
up for being experimental? are you athletic?
are you thriving in a job that helps your brother?
are you not addicted?

...are you curious and communicative?

[Zorra]

58. Me, too.

[ForrestGump]

73. Me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me/ambivalent...not really me, lately..

me...me...me...me...me...me, but only when I had it my way...me...me...was me, will be again...me...me...

[sus]

26. wicked sense of humor and

the abililty to deal with my psychotic episodes which usually occur at the MAC counter when they inform me they are out of my favorite lipgloss.

oh and the daily crying spells.

and the paranoia. and the compulsive spending.

i'll just write up a list and send it out as a pdf if anyone is interested.

[ForrestGump]

74. Me...me (too experienced with this one)...

[Red State Rebel]

30. A happy, positive attitude. n/m

[ForrestGump]

75. Me and not me

:-)

[pdx_prog]

31. I took a seminar

from PSI last summer. A week long look at yourself so to say. We had 76 people in the group......about half guys and half women. All of us guys had to stand up in a line, walk in front of each woman's chair and she would look us in the eye and tell us "yes" or "no" weather or not they would have sex, or a relationship with us. Then it was the women's turn. It was quite an eye opener, and afterwards we got to discuss the reasoning for our answers with each other. Learned a lot about how we are each perceived and what the likes and dislikes of the other sex are.

[prolesunited]

33. Wow, that almost sounds too brutal

I don't know if I could handle that. How did you do?

[pdx_prog]

38. I did pretty good....

Would have liked to have done better, but it was two days after we all had met each other, and it was sort of a popularity contest beacuse if they didn't really have any contact with you "no" was the only honest answer. Got you to thinking though.....if I had made an honest effort to get to know as many people as I could they would have changed their opinion.

We also did a "giver" and "taker" exercise prior to that. If the person didn't have any kind of contact with you, you had to vote "taker".....that was more brutal to me than the other.

I made a concentrated effort after that to get to know everyone single person there.

The whole experience was a real eye opener.....would do it again in a heartbeat!

[SiouxJ]

35. that sounds fascinating

but I'd guess you'd have to have a pretty thick skin to agree to participate in such an exercise. It might be really helpful. I know a lot of people that well, how should I say this without sounding crass, they only go after people who are out of their league and because of this, they don't seem to get many dates. An exercise like that would probably help them get real. Though, it would probably shock the hell out of them too.

[pdx_prog]

42. You know....

The old saying that "you get back what you put out" is very real. We are all like tuning forks.....we put out a certain frequency, and we attract people with the same frequency. The universe gives back what we put out...:)

[SiouxJ]

46. I believe that

to a point. I've always had a problem with attracting more than my share of Repukes though. You'd think they would pick up on that part of my frequency and stear clear but they don't. :shrug:

[BiggJawn]

51. Well I need to be re-tuned then....

Because I must be vibrating at "Psycho-loser with BAGGAGE" frequency....

[eyesroll]

36. Ouch -- was this something you knew would happen going in?

Or was this a total shock?

This would have been brutal for me, I think -- I'm short and kind of weird looking (especially if I'm coming in after work, and my hair's all frizzy and I'm tired, etc.) I might do a little better if I had a chance to prepare -- I can clean up a bit.

I hope it wasn't too traumatic.

[pdx_prog]

39. Actually I thought it was great!

You got the chance to be honest and tell someone something that you wouldn't do in a million years!.....better yet was the conversations afterwards.....:)

Imagine walking up to someone and telling them with either a "yes" or "no" if you would have sex with them....:)

[Rabrrrrrr]

56. I'm curious about that activity -

Interested in if the men got as many "yesses" as the women might have gotten. I ask that just because it seems, and I'm saying this as a guy who has spent much of his life hanging out with other guys, that guys are basically open to at least contemplating having sex with almost any woman, whereas women seem to show a bit more discretion.

That's a rather lumpy stereotype, I know, but I wanted to do it in just a couple sentences without all the "buts" and "ifs" and "in generals" and etc.

[pdx_prog]

95. Interesting enough

The women were honest. There were several guys that got ALL yes votes. I, like the rest of the people there found ourselves not voting on looks alone, but taking everything into account. There were two sisters from Vegas there that were very tanned, petite and gorgeous.....they got lots of No votes because of their personalities. There was a woman there that was a movie producer from LA....the amount of No votes she received upset her very much.....she cried for a long time. The problem was her personality.....she was a very nice woman but very reserved and shy. Guy's seen her as being a bit "stuck up" and hard to approach so they vote "No". We had a dance that night and we were supposed to come as somebody else...we all traded clothes to dress in something we never would normally. She put on a pair of black panty hose with NOTHING underneath....her butt was shining all night......she said, "I'm going to turn all them NO votes around"....lol. She DID that night....:) And by the end of the week there everyones NO votes were all changed from everyone. The whole week was a very fullfilling experience. I recommend their seminars to EVERYONE.....www.psiseminars.com

[Rabrrrrrr]

102. Wow!

That's pretty cool. It's amazing what happens when one is able to spend time with people who are serious about learning and growing.

And I have a bit more faith in humanity now, knowing that peple were being honest, and not just so much junior high hormonal, in their responses. YAY!

Though I imagine that PSI would not attract the men with juvenile personalities and/or who aren't real confident in their masculinity that they have to hide it with false bravado.

Sounds like a very interesting dynamic you had going. I've not PSI or EST etc., but I've been in classes, seminars, and retreats that enforce honesty and human interaction and understanding, and it's a most wonderful experience. it's nice to have people be honest (though it can be brutal, it is also VERY helpful), and nice to be in a situation where one is safe to be honst with them without having to worry about them taking a fryingpan to your head or stumphing off in a emotionalistic pique or resorting to caoting your essence with a string of profanie insults.

Would that all business managers would make the workplace that open and honest. We'd get a lot more work done, and we'd have a hella stronger US community overall.

[pdx_prog]

106. PSI has the Basic

seminar in New York....:)

$400 for a weekend seminar.....after that you can do the advanced seminars in California....:)

Well worth the time and money..

[slinkerwink]

32. sense of humor, good looks, and sensitivity

[ForrestGump]

76. Me...maybe me (innate humility prevents me being objective here)...me

[TrogL]

37. butt

Just a reminder- this thread is homophobic. Guys like guys too.

[ForrestGump]

77. Me -- or so I've heard...certainly legs

[democratreformed]

40. What attracted me to my husband was his warmth and depth of caring

for others. He never passed someone on the side of the road without stopping to help. To this day, he'll still pick up a hitchhiker (which, I believe, is dangerous - but he does it).

There are lots of things that, after 21 years, keep me attracted to him. One is the tenderness he shows when someone (like me) needs him. Another is the strength that he shows in dealing with difficult situations (like the death of his brothers). Another is the fact that he will do everything in his power to take care of our family - be it work or otherwise.

[ForrestGump]

78. Me...me...me...me...me...

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

41. His wife

[prolesunited]

43. Yes, I have noticed that

Get any free toasters yet? :evilgrin:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

44. No..but Mrs Matt and Misinformed01 both want to cook me breakfast

[ForrestGump]

80. Me

:P

Well, you can have he
I don't want her
She didn't love me, anyway
She only wanted
Someone to play with
But all I wanted
Was love to stay

Well, you get stuck with
The wrong woman
There's only one thing
That you can do
Just dig a hole
And jump right in it,
And pull the ground
Right over you.

Well, you can have he
I don't want her
She didn't love me, anyway
She only wanted
Someone to play with
But all I wanted
Was love to stay

[Cats Against Frist]

45. Well, when I was younger, I wanted someone THRILLING

Now that I'm older, and have a child, I would have to say, in order:

1. Someone so smart it knocks my socks off.
2. Someone who doesn't subscribe to absolutes, definite realities, etc., yet..
3. Someone who has some kind of steady job.
4. No alcohol or drug addictions.
5. Somebody kind and nice.
6. Someone who talks a lot.


and, as a bonus:

someone who would like to have a subsistence farm with me...:)

My current boyfriend is none of the above, except for #3, because he has to work to pay for alcohol and #2 because he has alcoholic dementia. :(

So, maybe somebody alert, who doesn't have a fried brain, with a steady job who likes organic, home-grown tomatoes...

[ForrestGump]

81. Me...me...me...not me, right now...me...me...me, except when I don't

possibly, maybe, but maybe not right now, me...

[smirkymonkey]

47. Someone who is/has ...

Extremely intelligent, without arrogance.

Great sense of humour, on the ironic/sarcastic side (not too sardonic)

Integrity without self-righteousness

Strength of character and a kind heart.

A true individual who does not need to follow the crowd to feel secure.

Manliness without Machoness

Content with who he is and what he has - not always looking for more/better/faster

Someone who realizes that real power is something that resides within you and is a manifestation of your spirit, not something you gain by dominating and controlling others.

Of course he must be liberal/progressive, intellectually curious, love dogs, books and travel, and it wouldn't hurt if he was romantic and affectionate. :)

[Lydia Leftcoast]

49. Uh-oh

I think we're looking for exactly the same guy, Smirkymonkey.

That's okay as long as you don't live in Minneapolis... :-) or aren't in the same age group.

[smirkymonkey]

53. Well, if there is such a fellow

we could always share him as long as he doesn't mind commuting between New York and Minneapolis! :)

Actually, there must be at least two men in the world who fit that description, wouldn't you think??

[Lydia Leftcoast]

55. You'd think so, wouldn't you?

:shrug:

[Rabrrrrrr]

61. Would you be willing to compromise on the "loves dogs" part?

I love 'em, just can't be around 'em. Allergies, you know. Otherwise, woo hoo! That's me!

Though you'd have to spot me some forgiveness for my arrogance about the arts.

[smirkymonkey]

91. Oh sure, as long as you

don't dislike them. Allergies are acceptable :)

[ForrestGump]

82. Me...me...me...me...me...me and not me...me...me...me...me, if I have to,

but I'm inherently a cat person...me...me...me, but have failed to vocalize my feelings...

[Ramsey]

50. BIG...

Brains.

:evilgrin:

[ForrestGump]

83. ME!

Oh...brains? Um...

[BiggJawn]

52. Well, poo...Nobody said they wanted a fat, bitter....

...battle-scarred old cynic....:P

[dolo amber]

54. That he have his own life

and his own stuff to do. And has the inclination to be elsewhere other than where I am without my saying "Hey, why don't you go away for a while now?!" (You hyah, me thyah...). He needs to want to be my friend and my lover...not a freakin' suppository. :D

(I seem to attract this type with depressing frequency...x()

[ForrestGump]

84. Me...me...me...

[LWolf]

57. Here ya go!

Physical: eyes, hands, smile

Other: Sense of humor. Independence, integrity, trustworthiness, kindness, enough self-esteem to not have to "prove" himself, intelligence.

[ForrestGump]

85. Me, me, sometimes me...me...me...me...me...me...me...me...

[LWolf]

93. And, with all that, you're beautiful, too???

I'm sold.

:hi:

[AlienGirl]

79. Intelligence and twistedness!

[ForrestGump]

86. Forrest's conclusion from this edjamikational thread...

I am almost a perfect match for all the women of DU anbd for one of its men...truly, though I'll perhaps never fully understand whatever it is that makes those of my gender and chicks broads dames tomatoes birds sheilas womyn almost seem to fit with the Venus-Mars claptrap spouted by that smarmy little misogynistic, fake-PhD, Cheneywit Jon Gray, I am obviously the man for you. Perhaps I should go professional...

[dweller]

89. excuse me? .... um ...sorry to butt in here....

I just want to begin the 'Forrest Gump's rejects first dibs' queue. . . ?

i'm first in line. I'll just wait here patiently...quietly, biding my time while you ladies fight over him...
dp

[ForrestGump]

90. Cool! An understudy!

Studly, I mean. :D

But I think you're pretty optimistic for both of us. Come, we go bang drums in the woods.

[Skittles]

92. intelligence and a sense of humor

good looks are just gravy.

[Carolina]

97. nice legs

My husband loves football, I don't. But when we go to games, I take the binoculars and scan the legs of the players ... yum. Still love Willie Gault's gams.

As for the non-physical:

a sense humor
genuine compassion (must like and be kind to animals!)
liberal political interests
common sense

[supernova]

98. ForrestGump the perfect man

for every woman in the universe. :+

Hey Forrest, do you think you can umm.... accommodate ... all of us? :crazy:

[prolesunited]

101. Wow!

He went a little crazy in here last night. :-)

[supernova]

103. LOL! Think he's

a little lonely? :-)

[ForrestGump]

113. Crazy? It's the right place for it!

:D

[ForrestGump]

110. Ms nova speaks the truth!

:D

Just got back from the supermarket...gotcha oysters, hamster gallbladders, and ground jackalope antlers in a chocolate base...

[MissMillie]

105. Compassion and....

.... a sense that someone else's victories do not diminish your own successes.

[geniph]

108. Bisexuality

I have a strong preference for bisexual men. I find them far less insecure.

[flamingyouth]

111. Kindness, creativity, generosity, open-mindedness

Ability to cook and do things around the house, and, yes, I'm shallow, cuteness. What can I say?:D

[laylah]

112. Intelligence first and foremost...

And after that, humor...the ability to make me laugh! Love of fishing and camping, rugged good looks, a good work ethic, and OH, btw, if he has money, I won't complain. :toast:

Jenn