Am I a cruel parent?

[bleedingheart]

Because my son was struggling a bit in school last year I have been making him read over his old assignments and giving him homework to do every evening...he also has to read to me as well...

He fights me on this... but he also fought me every day after school...

So am I being cruel?

[JohnKleeb]

1. as a student and kid I say yes

but I dunno know then again it may be for the best.

[GOPisEvil]

2. No, he'll thank you for it later!

My mom was rough on me when it came to education. It paid dividends later in life.

So, as an adult, I'm thankful. Although, at the time, it sucked big time! :D

[bleedingheart]

6. oh he whines and protests plenty

[bicentennial_baby]

3. No way

If anything, you're helping him. Of course he won't see it that way, but I'd bet he'll be a lot better off academically next school year. I think it's great that you're taking such a proactive stance!

[acmavm]

4. Absolutely not! My son had to go to summer school, he fought it all the

way. He'd ask to stay home, he'd ask if I would get him out early, he tried every trick in the sympathy manual.

I explained that it was for his own good, this is not a world that is user friendly to people without smarts. And I also made him understand that if he had tried harder during the school year, he wouldn't be in summer school. (He would fool around and not finish assignments, he wouldn't pay attention sometimes, the usual.)

Just because you want the best for your kids, including an education, does not mean that forcing them to learn is mean.

[bleedingheart]

15. I tried all the nice approaches but he

only started to respond when I took a hard line stance and told him no privileges..

[trotsky]

5. I don't think so.

Sounds like you are being a concerned parent. You care enough to address his struggles in school. They won't just go away, he has to work on them, and getting the discipline at home to do so is the only way.

Good work. You could have taken the easy way out, but instead care more about your child's future.

[bleedingheart]

11. The other parents in the neighborhood

think I am going overboard.
I realize he wants to have fun but I figure an hour or two a day is going to help him.

[JaySherman]

7. No

You're teaching him to learn from his mistakes by reflecting on them, which could be the most important thing he'll ever learn. You're not calling him names, beating him senseless, or shipping him off to boarding school. Sounds like good parenting to me. Someday he'll thank you for it.

[madmax]

8. No, not at all

You're being a very good parent. It's time very well spent. He may make a fuss now but, hey - who's the MOMMY! :)

[HEyHEY]

9. no

Last week, my co-workers were near a house and they heard someone yell, "You stupid stupid child." Followed by smacking sounds, and sounds of cupboards being banged, and a little boy screaming. Later on that day another worker saw the same woman trying to get her kids into the car, she got mad, grabbed one by the arm and basically threw him in the direction of the car, then smacked his ass as he got in...... no YOU are not a cruel parent

[JohnKleeb]

10. holy shit

HeyHey is that what a Canadian Freeper is like?

[HEyHEY]

13. not sure

AMazingly.....you wouldn't suspect a thing. The woman is an attractive, fit, maybe 32-year-old. And the family is quite well off. Either way if she ever does it when I'm around....I will not hesitate to call the cops.

[JohnKleeb]

20. oh

[bleedingheart]

12. Stupid is considered a "bad" word in my house

that and hate are not allowed...

[buddhamama]

14. those words aren't allowed in my house either

i don't think cruel. i think you are being patient and loving.

many a parent wouldn't have taken the time to address his needs let alone work through them with him,especially with the complaining and whining.

this extra effort on both your parts will pay off in the long run.

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

16. Well

This is tricky depending on the child, but I would say it's probably worthwhile. The thing is, they already give us SO MUCH, you might just be adding to his stress level. Instead of piling on more work, help him with the work he's already got. I know I'd be quite frustrated if I was given additional homework mostly because it would create a huge amount of stress in my life, and I would have almost NO time to relax. Kids and teens need more time for things than adults do sometimes, so the trick is to be patient and encouraging, but not over zealous.

[bleedingheart]

17. I was worried about that but he was

very upset that some of the kids could read better than he could (faster and with little effort) so when I tried not to stress him the problem grew worse...it was as if he was giving up...

But now after over a month of working with him I have found that he is getting more confident...still whining but confident.

[DemExpat]

19. Nothing wrong with some whining....

but my son, who hated school from the first day he set foot inside it, would physically run from any attempt to sit down with him and work.....he also would come home from school, fall asleep, and wake up with a migraine and throw up....
He survived, and did go to lessons with a tutor for extra help sometimes, but, man, his school years were torture - for him and for us. While his older sister loved school and was a keen learner....

It sounds to me like your son puts up a protest, but its not 100% - perhaps he sees improvement already but has to 'keep up the act' to 'save face'.....
Every kid is different, but, a little fuss along with progress with school work and growing confidence should show you you are on the right track.

DemEx

[silverlib]

18. NO!

I'm a cruel parent, too. I'm reading "To Kill a Mockingbird" to my fourteen year old. She hates it! She would much rather be on the phone talking to her friends and can't wait till "reading time" is over, but someday I know she'll appreciated this, or maybe not.

Having already raised two who are in their thirties now, I've learned that you just do what is in your heart. They will let you know later exactly what you did wrong and what you did right.

This one is in summer school because I pushed her to get extra credits in the summer. She's taking Freshman English before she starts high school. She fought this, but now is so glad she is going. She's getting the reading time because there is no time in summer school to read the "required reading."

Good parents just do the best they can with what they have.

[Divernan]

21. Depends on a number of factors.

Does he have teachers who don't assign homework? Did he have failing grades? Or did his grades drop, from A's and B's to C's or D's? How old is he? Do his teachers feel he's working up to his ability, but you insist he should have straight A's? How do you decide what kind of homework to give him every evening? Have you talked to his teachers concerning this? What do you have him read to you and how do you select the subject matter?

All that said, generally it's a good thing to have parents closely monitoring school progress and homework. One way to evaluate whether you're going about this productively is whether his grades improve at the next grading period.

Ain't parenthood fun?!?!

[Lydia Leftcoast]

22. No

If more parents did what you're doing, we would have a much higher literacy rate in this country.

When my youngest brother was in first grade, he had a very poor teacher, and after a while, my parents (both former elementary school teachers) realized that he wasn't learning to read--just guessing. They started working with him every night, and when they were out, I (a sixth grader) was drafted to play phonics games with him and read through a Little Golden Book.

We must have done something right, because he had no trouble in school after that year.