Teaching grandson to drive....................EEEK!!

[Sugarbleus]

I thought politics was difficult..jebus! Got a 16 yo boy chomping at the bit. A wee bit too charged up if you ask me.

He is taking driving school lessons but I have to go with him at every opportunity to "practice". He's doing pretty good but...he gets cocky; he acts like he doesn't need to be told ANYTHING, like hes got it all under control. However,while in an intersection today, he leans out the window during a right hand turn to wave at a friend and nearly runs us into a telephone pole!! It's starting to bug me.

Hes on my case every single day to drive drive drive. He gets frustrated and starts making smart ass comments and moves. Again, MOSTLY he's okay...but after a long drive he gets "moody". I could't wait to get home and run to my room--after getting my car keys away from him. YIIIIIIIKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!

This is going to be a difficult period isn't it. lol :crazy:

[SheilaT]

1. Don't be afraid to be really strict

with him. If he does truly stupid things while driving (and leaning out the window to wave and nearly hitting a telephone pole qualifies as stupid in my book) then cut him off from driving for a while. An hour, a day, a week, whatever seems appropriate.

I taught my son to drive at age 16, and since he already considered me the meanest, strictest mom in the world, it was okay. It helped that he was learning on a stick, which forced him to understand that driving is a whole lot more than just aiming the car and stepping on the gas.

He has all the usual flaws of a teenage male driver (he's 17 now), but I think they're marginally reduced by my being so on top of him.

[Spinzonner]

2. Show him some accident statistics for teenage drivers

and tell him that overconfidence is the most dangerous attitude for ANYONE to have while driving and that confidence should come from experience, not bravado (there are more insulting words that probably should be avoided).

He needs to remember that his, your, and everyone elses life is in his hands when he's driving.

[Sugarbleus]

3. A HUGE thank you to both Sheila and Spin...

I was keeping my mouth shut so we wouldn't argue. Like I said, he does pretty well, I didn't want to fluster him. But when this "moody" spell comes over him, along with the bravado........it's scary and it ticks me off to boot.

Sheila, do you mean you cut down your kid's driving time TO one hour, once a week or just what did you mean by that? I am thoroughly soaking up this input.

I am also feeling vindicated for my feelings by your posts this evening. My nerves are on edge and I'm more than a little peeved; though I've not said anything to anyone..instead I'm alone here in my room.

I realize kids, all of us, want(ed) to learn to drive; it's a big chapter change and I have no problem joining them in their excitement as I was excited when I learned about 100 years ago (lol) It's the ATTITUDE from this kid that is gawd awful and I feel dangerous.

I will be stricker...what I really want to do is forbid him from driving until he understands respect(for me) for the road and the dangers thereof. Thank you very, very much... Whew!

[SheilaT]

7. It's hard to state a formula

of driving time here.

I always made it clear that driving is a privilege, not a right. He attends an upscale private secular school where far too many kids are given a brand new car upon getting their driver's license, which here in Kansas is at age 15. I know, appalling, isn't it.

My rule was always that you get a permit at 16, and get the license at 17. Which means he had a full year of driving under supervision before getting the license.

I was just never afraid to tell him (and I'm still not, if he's driving when I'm in the car with him) that I didn't like some maneuver of his. I've more than once made him turn the driving over to me.

So if he does something obviously dangerous and stupid, that's it. He doesn't drive the rest of the day.

I've told my kid more than once that if he ever has an accident he's not driving for a very long time afterward.

A lot of parents seem to assume that wrecking a car or two is a normal part of learning to drive. I can't even begin to imagine that attitude. He will probably be acquiring a car for his own use by the time school starts. He's going to be a senior and while I have no problem with his being driven to school every day all his senior year, I'm going to be too busy this fall (I'm running for office) to really be able to do that.

So stick to your guns, and don't hesitate to temporarily shut down driving privileges. Also, are you the one in charge of when he gets the license? If so, delay it as long as possible, until 17th birthday if possible.

I could really tell that by making my son wait until age 16 to get behind the wheel, he had much more respect for the car, and how really big and potentially dangerous it is. And the car in question is a Subaru Outback, not even a huge SUV.

Good luck.

[Sugarbleus]

8. No kidding Sheila, this is extemely helpful....

As a GRANDmother, I am just a wee bit tired. I don't actually look forward to being involved in this task, but someone has to do it.

My g.son is 16. In Calif. they have to drive on permit for about six months before they can even take their driving test.

I very much like the idea of holding off on his doing this until he's 17 BECAUSE of his attitude. He's already projecting whether or not I'll let him take my car on dates! I said no. Get a job, buy your own car and insurance..drive it.

I will stop him when he does something horrendous. I will refuse to take him out if it doesn't suit me....I like the idea of postponing his priviledges to take a driving test. I will keep reenforcing to him that these ARE PRIVILEDGES afterall.

Many thanks, I feel so much more in control here. :hug:

[MI Cherie]

4. My 16 (almost 17) year old has the same attitude!

During drivers training at school, he told stories of what some of the kids did (or didn't do.) He's very confident in his skills — to the point of being cocky. We have a "step" program for minor drivers here. Two training sessions about six months apart. He needed so many hours of adult supervised driving time before going on to part two and more time before being allowed a road test and a license to drive alone.

I think he's doing pretty well. He makes me nervous when he gets close to the curb. I still worry when he drives in the rain. He sometimes pushes (within minutes) his driving curfew. I tell him not to talk on the cell phone while driving, but I often wonder how much he actually does it anyway.

Some of his friends were involved and hurt in a crash before he got his license. A child at their school was killed (in parent's SUV) by a hummer driver who ran a red light while talking on a cell phone. He read the newspaper articles and watched it on the news. He was outraged when the young hummer driver basically got off too lightly.

While I don't want him to be afraid (as if!), I do want him to be an alert and defensive driver. I point out other people's poor driving and my own, too, like that running a yellow light or driving too fast is not a good idea. I've occasionally yelled at someone who does something really aggressive or stupid.

He's announced he expects to drive to school in the fall. (We'll have to see about that!) I'll be concerned once the snow flies again. Even some experienced drivers seem to forget how to drive in snow and ice.

Hopefully, this is just a male "know-it-all" thing. My 14 (almost 15) year old daughter will be eligible for training sooner than I want to think about!

Good luck!

[Sugarbleus]

11. aHA...you're going through it too....

It sounds like you are having a wee better time of it than I am; in terms of the step programs available.

In Calif. the kids have to take in-class lessons out of the driver's handbook, then sign up with a driving school, then go take their permit test, then DO the driving school--which in this case is only 6 hours. The rest of their driving practice has to come from the family or a qualified licensed adult. They even give out a handbook for parents to read on how to instruct their kid on driving.

The kids are suppose to get at least 50 more hours of driving practice, 10 of them at night. Then they wait about six months until they are allowed to take their drivers test at DMV. Then they curtail how much and when they can drive themselves (alone) for another six months.

There are rumors that Calif is thinking of raising the driving age to 18....a lot of kids ticked off (so sad, ahem :eyes:)

I'm just worried about my g.son because of his attitude. He is strong willed, cocky to the extreme, will not take even positive critizism, he's moody, he's hyper....then he'll get quiet and withdrawn. It's weird and it gives me the creeps. I don't quite trust him. This driving thing has become his "drug"...his "high". I don't like it.

He can be pretty cool towards everyone on a regular day, but get him excited about something and he goes off his rails. He gets mouthy, easily frustrated, angry, and stops "listening".

I'd like to think this is a male bravado thing, but I wonder....
Oops, he just came in telling me he passed his drivers ed and also tells me when HE'S GOING TO TAKE HIS DRIVING TEST AT DMV.......? I just told him 'that's if I let you...' I will let you know how it goes.

BTW: for the record. I've come into the lobby and elsewhere a few times now. Each time I've had THEE most relevant, positive, and intelligent responses to some of my personal situations... I am so appreciative of this. Who would have thunk I could get this great advise and support from DU. Thanks again, all......

[Karenina]

5. Just an idea...

Do you have a family friend who is able to do practice runs with him? The BIG ADVANTAGE is that the "family dynamics" are thereby cut out of the process. It's less likely he'd mouth off in such a way to another (preferably male) adult.

[Sugarbleus]

10. Hoo boy, do I ever wish there were someone like that...

I'd "hire" them at any cost...lol

[LynneSin]

6. Here, you need a comforting hug

:hug:

I hope that helps!

[Sugarbleus]

9. Awwwwwwwwww, thanks. I did need that...

I took the day off today. Didn't do a single thing. Body needed rest.
But my mind kept wondering back to this kid driving and what problems might pop up in the near future.

You know, we've actually hidden our keys....he's that amped. :scared: