favorite republican joke?

[theivoryqueen]

mine:

(I made this one up)

How can you tell when a republican is lying?
His lips are moving.


(from comedy central - sorry for the bad paraphrasing!)

George Bush was working hard on a jigsaw puzzle he had spread out over his desk in the oval office. After a few days, Georgie excitedly called up his pal Dick Cheney to report that he had finished his puzzle. Confused, Dick asked him why all the excitement - it had taken him several days to finish.

George replied; "Yes, but it says 3 to 5 years on the label!"

[Maestro]

1. I like yours better.

;)

[theivoryqueen]

thanks - 7 more....

[MrScorpio]

2. What's the difference between a Republican and a flaming bag of shit?

The bag.

[DenverDem]

3. The whole publican agenda is a joke. Not funny, either.

And it's on the American people, especially the moranic drones that buy into the demagoguery even though it is destroying their way of life.

[theivoryqueen]

6. that and the vast majority of Repub. voters voting against their own

economic interests. Kinda boggles the mind.

[Itchinjim]

4. Simple,

G W Bush.

[POed_Ex_Repub]

11. Beat me to it...

But come to think of it, that's one of my least favorite jokes. ;-)

[DBoon]

5. Dan Quayle!

I almost died laughing until I realized he was just a heartbeat away....

[fujiyama]

13. Here's a joke Kerry made

In 1988, Kerry Joked About Former Vice President Dan Quayle: “‘Somebody told me the other day that the Secret Service has orders that if George Bush is shot, they’re to shoot Quayle,’ according to newspaper reports of the incident. The Massachusetts Democrat then said, ‘There isn’t any press here, is there?’” (Michelle Locke, “Sen. Kerry Apologizes For ‘Shoot Quayle’ Joke,” The Associated Press, 11/16/88)

HAHA, Kerry has a pretty good sense of humor!

[tjdee]

7. Still the champion--

Is that a joke? Oh I dunno but it cracks me up every time.
That guy is protesting against anti-war protestors, for context.
True, he may not be a Republican....but I like to think he is.

[theivoryqueen]

8. at least he looked up "brain"

[TlalocW]

9. George was working on another puzzle

And was getting more and more frustrated as time went on. Laura came into the room and asked him what was the matter.
"It's this damn puzzle," Bush said. "It's supposed to be a tiger, but all the pieces look the same to me."

Laura looked at the pieces and looked at the box and as soothingly as she could said, "George, number 1, it's not a puzzle. Number 2, you need to put all the Frosted Flakes back into the box and stay out of the kitchen from now on."

TlalocW

[theivoryqueen]

10. aaaahhhh hahhh! That's a great one.

thanks. I like to finish off the day with some laughter, if at all possible.

[Interrobang]

12. Someone posted this on Eschaton today...

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in, and another to explain that the bulb isn't getting screwed, it's being liberated.

[Gardeaux08]

14. Still my favorite

Although, it has been used to dis every leader around the world for the past 20 years, it's still a gem. And it sums up my feelings exactly:

George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.

The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "tragedy." So, George W. asked the class for an example of a tragedy.

One boy stood up and said, "If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy."

"No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A girl raised her hand and said, "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone on board, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," the President said. "That's what we would call a Great Loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. President Bush searched the room and asked, "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, way in the back of the room, Johnny raised his hand, and in a quiet voice, he said, "If Air Force One, carrying Mr. and Mrs. Bush, was struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, THAT would be a tragedy."

"That's right! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" asked the President.

"Well," Johnny said, "because it wouldn't be an accident and it sure as hell wouldn't be a Great Loss..."