Straight men at work confuse me!

[WillParkinson]

If I go to a room where there is a woman I'm generally asked if she was 'cute' or 'hot'. I give my answer.

However, if a guy delivers to a room with another guy and I ask if the man was hot they invariably give me the answer, "I don't look at guys like that!"

Why is it OK to ask a gay male if a woman is hot but a straight man can't say that another guy is cute or hot? Are they THAT hung up on their sexuality?

(Please note: I'm only talking about the guys at work!)

[murielm99]

1. I think they are that hung up on their sexuality.

I am speaking as a straight woman, but that is my experience.

They would not dare comment on another hot guy, at least most of them. It would hurt their machismo with their peers.

There are probably some exceptions, but not many, and not at your workplace.

I cannot imagine my son, or husband, talking about another guy being hot, either. And they are very accepting of gays.

[Az]

2. Social gender roll expectations

Males are aggressive. Combative. Females are nurturing. Affectionate. These are the rolls that are taught to us early in our development. Long before we are exposed to the idea that gender is not a binary condition.

By the time we learn that there may be people that do not fit these guidelines our bonding rituals are long established based on these gender roll expectations. Thus you do not make eye contact with other men unless you know them because you may trigger an aggressive response. Females however are appropriate to examine as they are not expected to be aggressive.

[iconoclastic cat]

3. They sure are.

Insecure, that is. But, to be fair, I have met people all over the spectrum of human sexuality who are insecure about their attractions. Why do you think people hook up in bars, after all?

I blame our puritanical roots.

And Bush. Even if he had nothing to do with it.

[johnnie]

4. Hang ups...

I think that needing to ask if someone is hot just to get a visual is weird. When someone asks me if a woman is hot or cute I usually say, "go look for yourself". What is the purpose of knowing if someone is hot that you haven't seen or might never see again?
As for the question, I think that a lot of heterosexuals just aren't used to being asked if someone of the same sex is hot or not. They also might not be truly understanding of the mind of a gay male. I don't think it is necessarily a "hang-up" or them being homophobic for saying "I don't look at them like that", it's just not the way they were raised or what they are used to.
Next time someone asks you if some woman was hot, just say "I don't look at them like that". Maybe they will stop asking.

[Skittles]

5. men are strange critters

they can recognize an attractive man but they will not admit it. And homophobic straight men think gay men automatically "want" them when most women won't give them the time of day.

My Tombo gets hit on by gay guys sometimes and he loves it - see, he says, both sexes find me attractive. Good lord. :o

[NewJeffCT]

17. to be honest, I'm often lost on the issue

I'm straight and I've seen guys around the office that women are all aflutter about, and I honestly have no clue what they like about him...

Or, when it comes to famous guys, I still do not see what women like about Richard Gere, even though several woman have independently told me that I look like a younger version of him. Or, that Joe Millionaire guy. I don't see his appeal.

On the other hand, I can see women finding Antonio Sabato, Jr or that new Mr. J-Lo (Iglesias?) guy attractive.

[slackmaster]

6. IMO it's imprudent for anyone to talk about coworkers in that manner

No matter what the gender or sexual orientation of any of the parties.

[skypilot]

7. Sometimes, it might just be...

...a matter of wording. I think some straight men are able to say that another man is handsome but I think they'd rather cute out their tongues than say that another man is hot or cute.

[trigz]

8. Well, it is true, you know

We just don't look at other men like that. For all I know Arnold Schwarzenegger could pass as 'cute' without me having the faintest clue...

[WillParkinson]

14. But I think the point is...

Why is it OK to ask a gay guy if a woman is 'cute' or 'hot'? It's not like I look at women like that.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

15. It's not OK

A man is only a reasonable source of woman hotness judgment if he's straight. I think someone is trying to annoy or "convert" you or something because you're gay.

[No Passaran]

9. I don't know why that is

I think it's something that develops inside of you at an early age, some kind of machism. At one point in time in college 30% of my friends were gay and I did loved them like my own brothers and siters, went to gay clubs and never had a problem even though I'm straight (now that should be another question. why do we say "even though I'm gay? Like it's normal not to be friends with someone who's gay). But whenever they asked me if a guy was hot or cute I would always shrug my shoulders and say: "I don't know. I don't really know how to tell. I'm the wrong person to ask this question."
Don't be offended by it.

[ZenLefty]

10. I'd probably respond the same way

And despite people's assertions here that I'm probably hung up on my sexuality or insecure about something, I'm really not. I just honestly, truly, just don't see other men that way. I have no idea what people (gay men or straight women) find physically attractive about other men. :shrug:

[Redhead488]

11. I agree with you 100%

I don't think any man is "hot." I'll use the term good looking or handsome if talking about a guy to my wife or a female friend, but not "hot." I know what makes a woman "hot," but not a guy.

[Maestro]

12. I'm straight but

at work I never ask another man that about a women. I might say something like, "She's cute," or something along those lines. I don't have an answer but it's their problem and don't think it is limited to just straight men. I have worked with some homosexual men and they liked to flaunt their sexuality as well. I think it depends on the person. I really can't stand anyone, homo or hetero, that flaunts his or her sexuality at inappropriate times and in inappropriate places.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

13. Cause they need constant reassurance of their own

macho, for lack of a better word.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

16. Yes

When I taught college, I found the male students to be very insecure in that regard.

Two foreign language classroom activities really freaked them out. One was called "Gallup Poll," and it required them to go around the classroom asking all their classmates the same question. One day, we were working on comparatives and superlatives, and the list of questions included, "Who is the most beautiful actress? Who is the most handsome actor?"

The female students had no problem answering either question. The male students freely expressed their opinions about who the most beautiful actress was, but when it came to the question about the most handsome actor, they either came up to me and asked if they had to answer, or they started making anti-gay jokes.

Another classroom exercise, which I used on those mornings when I walked into the classroom to find the students seemingly half asleep, was called "Japanese aerobics." It was like Simon Says, and it consisted of me giving commands and having the students respond: "Everyone, stand up. Look at the ceiling. Look at the floor. Jump twice. Raise your right hand..." As the students learned more Japanese, I could give more complicated commands. One day I said, "Give the person to your left a shoulder rub."

The female students did so without hesitation, whether the next person was male or female. The male students who had another male on their left refused to give another guy a shoulder rub.

I really hate all that insecure macho crap and the way our pop culture reinforces it.