How do you break it off with an Ex and move on?

[testing123]

When you break it off and it's finely the end of a relationship do you make a clear break or do you keep talking to the person?

If you still love them how do you forget about them?

I am going through some hard times right now and I want to beat the shit out of my ex but I am not violent.

How do you end it and forget about the other person?

:cry:

[GOPisEvil]

1. I don't speak with exes if the breakup was not mutual.

The only exes I communicate with are the ones where we both decided that seeing each other would be a bad idea.

How do you forget about someone? Not sure you can, but you can move on, but only after you make a clean break.

[Mr.Green93]

2. Complete break, no contact

[childslibrarian]

3. I agree

Make a clean break...

[HornBuckler]

4. It's Not Easy My Friend But Here's What I've Done

After Just Getting Out Of A 6 Year Relationship. Things Were Going To Shit And I Knew We Needed To Move On. She Was The Type Of Girl That Would Never Let Go. You Tell Her/Him It's Over - Collect ALL Memorabilia Of Them And Burn It (Save A Few Photos For Nostalgia - Lock These Away!) And Move On.

Oh, By The Way - A Little Bourbon Never Hurts

Good Luck

And There Is Always More Ladies/Dudes Out There That I'm Sure Would Love To Date You

:)

Oh Another By The Way On Edit - Whilst Burning The Photos/Letters/Etc Play A Favorite Tune - Something For The Mood - I Use Roky Erickson's "Burn The Flames" And Make A Big Ceremony Out Of It - Seems To Work!

[daa]

5. Pretend they died eom

[JanMichael]

6. Get married

All my ex's were gone within weeks.

Easy.

My wife is writing this; I am downstairs getting another beer.

[Bunny]

7. Well, here we go again.

When will he show up to respond?

[Don_G]

8. Listen. Learn

And ask yourself if he/she isn't going throuth the same withdrawal symptoms as you are.

Maybe he/she got fired and is too proud to tell you until things improve.

You never know until you ask.

[havocmom]

9. It is said the time heals all wounds

I am happy to report it also wounds some heels, like my ex for instance.

da momma advises a clean break if possible. It is not change that causes pain, it is resistance to pain what does the most damage. Put really important momentos away until you have had time to calm, heal and then you can deal.

Give yourself time. Be as good to you as you have ever been to your best friend. Try new things and sort out what is good for you and what is bad for you. You may discover new interests. Dive into things and balance it with rest and time to reflect.

Eat well, treat your body well. Give yourself extra time to get from point A to B as we can really be more accident prone when grieving.

Try to check your self dialog - keep it focused and constructive! That takes a lot of effort and diligence but it pays off big time. I resorted to 3x5 cards with reminders and affirmations and it did actually help.

Cry when you have to, but work hard not to stay in the crying place. We all need to honor and address all our feelings but we need to remember they are a PART of us, not the definition of us.

The way you feel today is not how forever feels. Forgetting comes with time and other interests. Give yourself plenty of what you need. Make a list of 5 things you enjoy doing and do them. Then, make a longer list. Pretty soon you are enjoying more and become more enjoyable in the process.

Holler anytime you need to vent. Any of us is only a PM away!

be kind to you,
havocmom

[fudge stripe cookays]

16. Damn havocmom,

I could really have used you about 1992.

Thanks for all the good advice! Don't need it now, but I hope I won't need it in the future like I did then.

=)
FSC

[havocmom]

18. LOL! In 1992 I was just finally learning it my own bad self!

But 92 was better than 91 and 93 was better than 92. I am now happier and more comfortable with me than ever.

Live and learn then give somebody else a hand whenever you can. We can never really repay the ones who helped us get through really bad time. We can carry their love, hope and wisdom to someone else along our path.

Glad you are doing OK now, FSC! And you saying you are OK is a good lesson for others just starting the journey. I really think peer support groups are great cuz we learn the light at the end of the tunnel isn't always another train from people who have made it further down the tracks.

If any DUer nursing a broken heart happens to be in the Tucson area I can give a resource tip: Call the Family Counseling Center and ask them to send you a schedule for upcoming Divorce Recovery groups. Had it not been for the people I met going through this peer support group and then on to facilitator training and groups I helped run, I would not be alive. I would have missed some wonderful times had I checked out when I was so sad.

da momma say: Don't give up. Tomorrow will be different. Not necessarily better just yet, but different and that is a help!

[fudge stripe cookays]

20. Amen sistah!!

Unfortunately, 93 was probably the worst year of my life in every way (except for possibly 87).

But the last few have completely made up for both of them!

I'm glad you had such a wonderful network of friends to help you. I would strongly recommend this as well.

reprehensor and I have a very dear friend in Calgary who rebuilt his life after divorce that way, and he has such a big heart that he began assisting at a crisis hotline to repay all the help he got.

cookay says the same thing: Don't even think about checking out. I've been there. Things always look better later. You just have to emerge on the other side wiser, better, and stronger.

FSC

[Hepburn]

10. I am so sorry you are hurting.

But I do agree - make a clean break of it. Some advice: Keep yourself in a routine by setting a place for yourself for dinner and actually making dinner and sitting down at a certain time each evening. Set up a schedule for just yourself - like when you go to the store, clean house, do laundry. I know that sounds dumb....but keep moving and keep busy. Clean drawers, go for a walk, exercise, catch up on things that you were always putting off - and schedule the stuff and MAKE yourself do it!

And....get mad instead of sad and just blow it the heck out of your system!

[sam sarrha]

11. love is an addiction to some really REALLY powerful psychological

drugs... you have established a psycho biological conditioned reflex to the "ritual"actions and visual impressions to another person...

actually you are not wanting her but the chemicals her ritual behavior and 'endorphins'... produce in your body. This stuff is so powerful.. a visual memory or thought will trigger a reaction .. these chemicals are related to CRANK>>Methamphetamine.

And you will get a resistance to these chemicals just like Meth where it takes more drug to get the same reaction.. up to a point where no amount of drug will give you an effect... this is when one of you will say... "I love you but i am not IN love with you".

women seem to deal with this better than men..

This is all a sick joke from mother nature...

this is a system to produce genetic diversity in a womans offspring. this has survival benefits for her brood. a disease will not usually kill off all the children in a genetically diverse brood.

my first wife collected DNA, she has 5 children from 5 different men.

you will go through a grieving period along with serious depression and mood swings do to the withdrawn from the 'amine' related drugs and then when you "dry out", you will do it all aver again.

I would suggest that you learn to meditate, you will learn to dissociate the emotional connection to thoughts westerners have.
you will not try to Grasp and desire so much...

there are some good video instructions at www.buddhanet.net and usually some meditation teachings in the Buddhanet Audio section there. I use the book 'Diamond Mind' by Rob Narin. it is good to have a trained teacher there are free 10 day retreats through Insight Meditation. meditation is a practace Buddhists use .. meditating doesnt make you a Buddhist. What makes you a Buddhist is believing that there is a way out of suffering through the Four Noble Truths.

[sam sarrha]

13. i forgot.... all i can say is, for me, when it is over.. IT's OVER !! Be

polite and scarce... it takes a special person to be able to provide sex for a woman till she finds another man... either really Compassionate, hard up or stupid.

[Spinzonner]

12. Well, I'd say the first thing is to purge

the 'I want to beat the shit out of my ex' feelings from your mind as soon as reasonably possible.

'I am not violent' just means you havent been sufficiently provoked at a time of weakness to act on such feelings.

Even if you dont act upon them, it will eat at you. And such hate is intertwined with obsessive love. I dont think you can let go of the love without also letting go of the hate.

You likely wont forget; you will integrate and accept the loss and the pain will diminish over time.

[sam sarrha]

14. I had to bless my ex wife twice every time i had a bad thought tword her.

you need to create new habits of thought... to plow under the old ones or they will persist..

"A negative thought contenues and increases exponentially untill it is replaced by a positive thought, however the positive thought has to be cultivated..." H.H. the 14th Dalai Lama

[NightTrain]

15. I'll answer your questions one at a time.

<<When you break it off and it's finely the end of a relationship do you make a clear break or do you keep talking to the person?>>

Any time I've ended a relationship, I always burned the bridge, and quite consciously.

<<If you still love them how do you forget about them?>>

By letting time take its course. Nothing else has ever worked for me, not even the time-honored method of finding somebody new within hours of the break-up.

<<I am going through some hard times right now and I want to beat the shit out of my ex but I am not violent.>>

Wanting to beat the shit out of your ex is perfectly normal. Actually doing it, on the other hand, would be bad! ;)

<<How do you end it and forget about the other person?>>

It hurts like hell for a while, but as I said above, all you can do is let time go by. Granted, that may not seem like the best advice, but I've yet to find a quick fix for mending a broken heart! Sorry....

[Th1onein]

17. Time heals, my friend. This is the only, and the best, advice that I can

give to you. Stay busy, build your life; do things for YOU. Resign yourself to the fact that thoughts of this other person will be with you for a long time. It is only natural. But, usually, when it's done, it IS done.

You won't accept it now, but you will accept it sooner or later. And, you will always take something of value with you forward, into any future relationship. This is the silver lining.

Remember this: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and there can be growth WITHOUT pain, but there is ALWAYS growth WITH pain.

Good luck!

[Demonaut]

19. well after all that...DITTO

some good advice from all

[bratcatinok]

21. What I did that helped me

was to focus on the things I could now do that I couldn't when I was in the relationship. There's a certain amount of freedom when you aren't in a relationship, things like not having to consult with the other over where, when, what to do.

As a female, I'd go out and buy something I liked but that I knew he wouldn't have liked. Or I'd go somewhere I knew he and I would never have gone and where I would have liked to have gone. Take back control of your life because in a relationship there's always a certain amount of compromise. Being single again, you no longer have to compromise. Celebrate it!

Clean breaks are always best because it allows the scab to turn into a faded scar eventually. Staying attached in any way is like picking at the scab continually.

One day you'll find someone else and you'll be willing to gladly give up the freedoms I spoke of and compromise again. Until then enjoy your freedoms.

One of the things I did was to disconnect the phone at those times when I was relatively sure he'd try to call. I took back my power by disconnecting the phone and not waiting for "the call". Yeah, it was hard because I really wanted to know he'd called but it was worth it to my peace of mind to not know whether he had called or not.

[LWolf]

22. A clean break.

New/different people, places, habits, and things that are not connected to the other person.

And time. Lots and lots of time.

I don't think you forget. Eventually, they become part of your past instead of your present and future.

[trigz]

23. Complete break, preferably with mutual lack of sympathy

Always did the trick for me in the past, before I met my wife ;)

[King Of Paperboys]

24. It's situational.

I am in contact with a few of my exes, but not all. The last one, I had to forbid her from ever contacting me again, because she is one of those toxic people who destroys what she touches. She's a bad person, and she doesn't deserve to be in anyone's life, certainly not mine.

But some are OK, including my ex-wife. If there's any doubt at all, cut the person off completely. COMPLETELY. Life is too short to be spent around people who make you unhappy.