The breakthrough I had in therapy yesterday I wanna share...

[Paragon]

First of all, I know what you're thinking -- Paragon's in therapy? :crazy: Shocking.

Like a few of us in the Bush Economy (he said sarcastically), I'm working a job I'm underqualified for in order to keep afloat (or for some out there, not working at all). It's left me pretty depressed, anxious, and frustrated with myself.

What I learned yesterday was that men (and women, too, I'm sure) identify themselves with their JOB - making us lose sight of how we should feel about ourselves. We reframed things to help me remember who I really AM -- i.e., somebody who loves their family, cares about people, the political process, on and on -- to see things for how they really are...and once you've done that, the person you want to be.

I feel really good and energized now, and hoped that maybe someone else going through the same thing might be able to, too.

Thanks for getting all touchy-feeling with me. ;-)

[JPJones]

1. But is your therapist hot? n/t

[Paragon]

2. LOL

Actually, no -- which must be why I can think clearly with her. :silly:

[Kenneth ken]

3. congratulations

:hug:

good for you.

thanks for reminding me and those who will also read this thread.
I do some times for get that I have an identity that extends beyond my job. So it's good to be reminded.

It's insidious in our culture, though - the omnipresent question when meeting someone is "what do you do?" i.e. define your self to me as the way you make a living (or struggle to.)

We should all have really long answers to that question: I swim, read engage in political activity, love my family, go to the opera, barbeque, etc. etc.

instead too often we reply I'm a programmer, I'm a lawyer etc. no we're not, that's our job.

:thumbsup:

again - Congratulations!

[Paragon]

4. She pointed out to me that most women get to "what do you do"...

...about six or seven questions into a conversation upon meeting another woman, whereas men pretty much ask it right after the handshake.

I feel a bit dopey about whining about my problems, but I really do feel a lot better.

Thanks! :thumbsup:

[Kenneth ken]

8. interesting

I would guess in men then that it is the equivalent of determining the alpha male / pecking order kind of thing. Competition, who is better than who, how much of a threat might the other be, etc.

cool - thanks, I'd never really thought about why that was the first question, just assumed it was habitual.

[Kenneth ken]

9. oh - and here's something Dar for you

since you said you feel a bit dopey. . .

from the song "What Do You Hear In These Sounds"
the "album" The End of The Summer
lyrics: Dar Williams

And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
But oh how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much about myself...

And I wake up and I ask myself what state I'm in
And I say well I'm lucky, 'cause I am like East Berlin
I had this wall and what I knew of the free world
Was that I could see their fireworks
And I could hear their radio
And I thought that if we met, I would only start confessing
And they'd know that I was scared
They'd would know that I was guessing
But the wall came down and there they stood before me
With their stumbling and their mumbling
And their calling out just like me, and...



I just :loveya: her music.

[countmyvote4real]

5. At least you have a job to feel bad about.

Hopefully, it has some benefits that will make you feel even more incapable and that much more motivated to perform.

[rooboy]

6. I can't afford a therapist...

but I'm a big devotee of Brad Goodman, who let me know that I wasn't a human being, but a human doing. :-)

[Paragon]

7. There are avenues for you...

Income-contingent pricing, or even free -- at places like Catholic Social Services or other mental health facilities, if it's something you really want to pursue.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

10. That's a tough lesson to learn

Like you, I so totally identified with my career as a teacher that when I moved and couldn't find a job, I felt devistated. Took me years to realize that I'm ME, not my job, and that being me is all that matters.

Thank you for sharing.

[NJCher]

11. the "what do you do for a living" question

I think what a person does says a lot about them. It reflects their interests and their priorities. Some people place a priority on how they spend their work time in the day and that alone says something about that person. That's why I think it's OK to ask that question, although I certainly do understand and support the contention that a person is way more than what they do for a living.

So I guess you'd say that I think the question is OK to ask as long as it's not the only exploratory question that's asked.


Cher

[Paragon]

12. Of course it does, I didn't say otherwise.

And of course it's OK to ask the question.

I think my point was that obsessing about your job to the point of depression and anxiety sucks. :)

[trof]

13. Not just ourselves. Others too.

Weird introductions - #26

I was an airline pilot. Pretty cool job. Sounds kinda swashbuckling, etc. When answering "What do you do?", my answer usually got admiring attention and a lot of questions.

From time to time I was laid off. Usually for a year or two. I'd take a "temporary" job wherever I could find it. Didn't particularly "identify" with whatever I was doing because I knew sooner or later I'd be called back to my "real" job. Just marking time and trying to keep the mortgage paid and food on the table.

We were invited to a BIG party by an acquaintance, friend of a friend. I think it was something sort of momentous, like his 50th birthday or something. Whatever.

We didn't know most of the people there, and when we walked in the host introduced me to the 60 or so guests:
"This is troll, everybody. He USED to be a pilot for TWA, but he's working at the FAA now. Just temporarily I think. Maybe he'll be back at TWA soon."

So...he got my name wrong. Close, but wrong. And my introduction was based solely on what I DID, or used to do. Not that I was a neighbor, or a friend, or that I was kind to kittens and puppies. To him I was what I did for a living.
Very strange.

[Lars39]

14. Folks in the US tend to define themselves by their job/occupation.

I wonder if it is true that folks in other countries look at this differently. I've read that Europeans in particular answer the question, "What do you do?" with what hobbies/activisms interest them.

[Az]

15. You are not your job

You work to live, not live to work. Congrats on the break through. I keep saying the corporate world has taken hold of us and has forced us into a mold we do not fit. Glad you found your way free to finding yourself again. :D

[Paragon]

16. Having watched "Fight Club" a zillion times, you'd think that've sunk in.

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

(That last part isn't exactly positive, but I get the point.)

[Az]

17. Don't beat yourself up for missing it

The mind is a wonderful but complex thing. We miss things right before our eyes and we see things that were never there. Here is a little hint. Try to learn how to see things as a child. Go out and look at a tree as if you are seeing it for the very first time. Ronald Reagan was wrong when he said "When you've seen one tree, you've seen them all." Reclaim you.

[NJCher]

18. this reminds me of a remark

My brother, who is quite a wit, would respond to the question "What do you do?" this way. He said, "I sell waterbeds in the day and do brain surgery at night."

Went right over most people's heads.

Another way I used to play around with this question was to make up an occupation. This was in the old days, when I used to go to Happy Hour after work. I would test out different occupations. "Private detective" got a lot of interest. Sometimes I would say, "Secretary," and it took about five minutes to elicit the remark, "You don't have a secretary personality." LOL, never did figure out exactly what that menant.


Cher