DU: Let's write Dubya's book for him! (He needs the help!)

[Elidor]

It seems that simpering chimp we call our preznit is considering "righting a book." Here is the prologue, establishing the dramatic tension:

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Dark, swarthy evildoers attacked our great notion. The terrists hated us for our freedom, and our way of life. So I got rid of it.

I said, "Fuck Saddam. We're taking him out." And we did. Meanwhile, the liberals were saying bad things about me. Mean things. The kind of things you wouldn't say to a dog. Fuck liberals. I hate them. They're morans.

Add your own.
(thanks to BrotherBuzz)

[Swede]

1. Chapter Two: There's an old saying in Tennesee-

I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. The Fool me — you can't get fooled again

[Solly Mack]

2. Chapter 3 "I was born"

I was dark and cold. Then a great light shown through....they plucked me from the ground and I was shakened until the dirt fell away.

[Duncan Grant]

4. I owe a debt of gratitude to Minnie and Roman Castevet -

for a minute there, I thought Rosemary would end my evil reign before it began. (let freedom reign, heh-heh)


You see, the Bushes are my foster parents...

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

3. Chapter Four - 'Bout all o' that "revisionist" history ya'll are expectin'

I cain't satisfy ye because there ain't nothin' else to write about. I never said there'd be WMD in Iraq. I never said there was an imminent threat. I never said I knew Kenny Boy. Who's this Ahmed Chalabi feller? I never paid no nevermind to gettin' that Osama. I never said "Mission Accomplished" on that there aircraft carrier. What military records? Somebody outed a CIA Agent? Bandar Bush and I are barely on speaking terms. Them real bad Abu Giraffe videos were destroyed... ahhhh I mean never existed. I never said there'd be 3 million new jobs...

[Parrcrow]

5. Chapter 5; Call me Ishmael.

Who's Ishmael?