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I used to date my former boss's brother. It was pretty serious for awhile, then it fizzed; we're still good friends, though. He's been going through a rough patch these past couple of years, especially in regards to being buried in debt (mostly stemming from a nasty divorce) and being unable to find a steady, good-paying job. He's in the construction field, which has never been and is never secure by any stretch of the imagination, so he's had several jobs in the past few years but none with any possibility of permanence.
He's almost 49 and is physically not in the best shape anymore after thirty years of construction work; he needs spinal surgery and a knee replacement, among other problems. This makes it hard for him to do a lot of what he used to be able to do, which makes it even harder for him to get construction work. He's had experience as a foreman and as a blueprint designer and has been trying to find work in those areas, without any luck so far. This is a terrible area to find any kind of construction work, so he's looking outside our area and even outside the state. It's not much better in a lot of other areas, though, too, and even in areas where there is a lot of work, the competition for the jobs, particularly by younger, stronger workers, is fierce and intense.
His house is in foreclosure because he can no longer afford his mortgage. He does needed repairs on his ten-year-old truck himself, even major work. He wishes he could start his own construction company and build houses, but he can't get the necessary credit to do so and his brother, my former boss, is barely keeping his own head above water (he's the one who had to lay me off a few months ago).
I hesitated to tell him earlier about the new job I landed with a good international company at a far higher salary than my previous job with his brother because I knew how depressed he already was and how desperately he wants and needs a good job. He's the hard-working type that needs to be working in order to feel worthwhile and he's worked hard all of his life, since he was seventeen. His son, his only child, is a Marine serving in Iraq, and, while he's proud of his son, his worry and depression over that certainly doesn't help either.
We talked for several hours tonight, and he just doesn't want to go on anymore. He's beyond tired, he says, he doesn't care anymore, he's tired of struggling, he's about to lose his house, his truck is falling apart, he can't seem to get ahead no matter what, he can't even do a lot of the work he used to be able to do but he has no clue as to what else and what other kind of work he could do and how to go about finding out, etc., etc. He said the only other option left was just to check out and that's all he really wants to do. I could tell by the tone of his voice and his body language that he wasn't kidding, either. He just doesn't see the point anymore.
I told him he was depressed and to let me figure out a way to get him some anti-depressants (he doesn't have any insurance, which is why he's unable to have the spinal surgery and the knee replacement he needs) because they really do help; he didn't think that would help, though. He kept saying that everyone wants to treat the symptoms without doing anything about the underlying problem, which was that he needed a good job and couldn't find one and didn't even know what he could do anymore (he has an associate's degree he got almost thirty years ago). He'd always been able to find good construction work until a couple of years ago. I brought up his son, pointing out how hard it would be for him and asking him why he would do that to him; he said his son would be better off without a loser like him for a father, anyway. I said and did everything I could think of and begged and pleaded. I asked him to please come into the house and he could stay there with us and me, my mom and stepdad, and Chris (my son) would be there to help him. He just shook his head. He said, "don't worry, it'll work out", gave me a big hug (I didn't want to let go), then suddenly just got in his truck (we were standing right by it at this point) and drove away.
I then called him on his cell phone, and then again at his house, and he kept saying not to worry, "it'll work out." I don't know what the hell else to do at this point; I'm sure as hell not a licensed counselor or trained in this sort of thing, and I've done and said everything I could think of to help him. I wish I owned a company, or knew someone who did, so I could give him a good job. I've been in his shoes several times as far as lack of employment is concerned, and I understand where he's coming from; psychologically and emotionally, it's pure hell and frustrating and depressing as well.
I kept trying to get him to see that it was so important that he not give up, because things really would get better (they sure did in my case, I landed a good job with a great salary after three months of a proactive search), but I know how tired he really is of all this, especially since it's not the first time he's gone through it. And I know what a hard worker he really is, too, and how hard it is for him not to be working. And I also understand his frustration over not knowing what to do career-wise anymore, or even how to go about finding out.
I just don't know what the hell else to do. I'm heartsick over this and furious that good people who've done nothing to deserve it and who've worked hard all their lives have to deal with shit like this. Please, if anyone can help at all, PLEASE give me some help and ideas here!!!!!
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